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Family of Origin
When parents still abuse their adult children:
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 675160" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>That is a Cedarism. That quote about marginalized versus having grown beyond them but believing that to have meant chosen against them. I was speaking as you I think, Copa.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>Claiming strength feels arrogant and foolish in the sense of hubris. Defiance; anger, and self-centeredness instead of happy acquiescence.</p><p></p><p>Hubris.</p><p></p><p>Rolling around in the brackish water at the bottom of the well instead of crawling toward the sun at the top and beyond.</p><p></p><p>I am focused on hubris today. This is what I see in my family of origin. </p><p></p><p>Swirling around pointlessly the same dark place. But what if we were to declare whatever has been victory? To declare whatever happened in our families of origin to have been the completion, the victorious next step, and to take it from there as you did too Copa (and so did I) in creating the lives we did create in the first place.</p><p></p><p>We were not wrong.</p><p></p><p>We did not fail.</p><p></p><p>This is just what happened, next.</p><p></p><p>Love them and go on. Love our children without placing blame, and go on. We were healthy moms Copa before the problems became insurmountable and we gave in to fear because we could not protect the kids.</p><p></p><p>We need to stand up. Oh look: Strength, roaring and raging and overflowing its banks, has been there; all along, it has been intent ~ our intentions ~ that were shattered. </p><p></p><p>We are recovering intent, Copa. That is why these questions, these concepts, now.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>Volition: Imagine what I may have said or done to have been told, over and over and over ~ to have been threatened with often enough that these are the words I hear today: "Who do you think you are, Cedar?" "Don't you dare, Cedar." "Just don't think, Cedar." </p><p></p><p>That is who I am. Not the person to whom those things were spoken, <em>but the person who refused to acquiesce.</em></p><p></p><p>That is why those words were spoken, hissed, hurtled across space, spit into my face.</p><p></p><p>Because of who I am. Futile, last desperate attempts to destroy what could not be destroyed.</p><p></p><p>What was an emptiness becomes a handhold, a stepping stone, the wind.</p><p></p><p>Subjection: Mother is pleased. All is well.</p><p></p><p>That is why maybe, Copa.</p><p></p><p>We have worked very hard. Our visions are changing.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Oddly enough, I missed Joel Osteen last Sunday because I work on Sundays, now. I found last Sunday's sermon on You Tube this morning.</p><p></p><p>Last Sunday's sermon was on self-actualization.</p><p></p><p>I was going to reference it for you here, but I cannot find it, now.</p><p></p><p>Then, I listened to Vivaldi.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>The essence is that what we see in our minds is what we will move toward; is what we will feel is familiar ground. He suggested that a woman put an empty picture frame next to her bed. The frame was for a picture of herself, all dreams fulfilled.</p><p></p><p>Within three years, for this woman, the picture would be taken, and the frame, filled.</p><p></p><p>In the beginning, there was a little frog living in a well on a farm. He was so happy. All his dreams were fulfilled, all his needs met, here in this place with water and more water, with more than enough; and he was so happy. One day, he noticed the light at the top of the well and crawled up the slippery walls to to the top, to check it out.</p><p></p><p>There was a huge pond. </p><p></p><p>Beyond the pond, a beautiful lake.</p><p></p><p>And then, there was the ocean, a thing beyond his wildest abilities to have conceived, from the bottom of the beautiful well, when he believed it to be the world.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>Then, Joel Osteen went on to say: "Nothing they imagined was impossible to them."</p><p></p><p>That is why we need to dream bigger than we are, bigger than we know or can believe.</p><p></p><p>It goes like this: If you can see it, I will bring it to pass.</p><p></p><p>The way to see differently, the way to create change, is to go a little further, to dream a little bigger. Crawl to the top of the well to see what that is, that thing at the limits of our visions.</p><p></p><p>That is how we learn to dream bigger.</p><p></p><p>Hubris would fit in here because it has so little to do with how things actually happen ~ and nothing to do with how change happens. Hubris fits in because I am angry about the way everything is. What if I were simply to accept it and move on, instead of being angry about it.</p><p></p><p>That is the way we are going next.</p><p></p><p>This is how we get there. By crawling to the top of the well, which is an easily accomplished thing, to see what that bright light is, one happy day.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>Thank you, Copa.</p><p></p><p>You are exactly right.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 675160, member: 17461"] That is a Cedarism. That quote about marginalized versus having grown beyond them but believing that to have meant chosen against them. I was speaking as you I think, Copa. *** Claiming strength feels arrogant and foolish in the sense of hubris. Defiance; anger, and self-centeredness instead of happy acquiescence. Hubris. Rolling around in the brackish water at the bottom of the well instead of crawling toward the sun at the top and beyond. I am focused on hubris today. This is what I see in my family of origin. Swirling around pointlessly the same dark place. But what if we were to declare whatever has been victory? To declare whatever happened in our families of origin to have been the completion, the victorious next step, and to take it from there as you did too Copa (and so did I) in creating the lives we did create in the first place. We were not wrong. We did not fail. This is just what happened, next. Love them and go on. Love our children without placing blame, and go on. We were healthy moms Copa before the problems became insurmountable and we gave in to fear because we could not protect the kids. We need to stand up. Oh look: Strength, roaring and raging and overflowing its banks, has been there; all along, it has been intent ~ our intentions ~ that were shattered. We are recovering intent, Copa. That is why these questions, these concepts, now. *** Volition: Imagine what I may have said or done to have been told, over and over and over ~ to have been threatened with often enough that these are the words I hear today: "Who do you think you are, Cedar?" "Don't you dare, Cedar." "Just don't think, Cedar." That is who I am. Not the person to whom those things were spoken, [I]but the person who refused to acquiesce.[/I] That is why those words were spoken, hissed, hurtled across space, spit into my face. Because of who I am. Futile, last desperate attempts to destroy what could not be destroyed. What was an emptiness becomes a handhold, a stepping stone, the wind. Subjection: Mother is pleased. All is well. That is why maybe, Copa. We have worked very hard. Our visions are changing. Oddly enough, I missed Joel Osteen last Sunday because I work on Sundays, now. I found last Sunday's sermon on You Tube this morning. Last Sunday's sermon was on self-actualization. I was going to reference it for you here, but I cannot find it, now. Then, I listened to Vivaldi. *** The essence is that what we see in our minds is what we will move toward; is what we will feel is familiar ground. He suggested that a woman put an empty picture frame next to her bed. The frame was for a picture of herself, all dreams fulfilled. Within three years, for this woman, the picture would be taken, and the frame, filled. In the beginning, there was a little frog living in a well on a farm. He was so happy. All his dreams were fulfilled, all his needs met, here in this place with water and more water, with more than enough; and he was so happy. One day, he noticed the light at the top of the well and crawled up the slippery walls to to the top, to check it out. There was a huge pond. Beyond the pond, a beautiful lake. And then, there was the ocean, a thing beyond his wildest abilities to have conceived, from the bottom of the beautiful well, when he believed it to be the world. *** Then, Joel Osteen went on to say: "Nothing they imagined was impossible to them." That is why we need to dream bigger than we are, bigger than we know or can believe. It goes like this: If you can see it, I will bring it to pass. The way to see differently, the way to create change, is to go a little further, to dream a little bigger. Crawl to the top of the well to see what that is, that thing at the limits of our visions. That is how we learn to dream bigger. Hubris would fit in here because it has so little to do with how things actually happen ~ and nothing to do with how change happens. Hubris fits in because I am angry about the way everything is. What if I were simply to accept it and move on, instead of being angry about it. That is the way we are going next. This is how we get there. By crawling to the top of the well, which is an easily accomplished thing, to see what that bright light is, one happy day. Cedar Thank you, Copa. You are exactly right. [/QUOTE]
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