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Family of Origin
When parents still abuse their adult children:
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 675218" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I wanted to let you know that it has been 3 full days that I have not retreated to the bedroom to be by myself. At all I am in the great room/kitchen all day, either with M or with the animals. When M is here I listen to his icky Spanish Language TV--like survivor shows or Catinflas at best. I have been working on paperwork and organizing.</p><p></p><p>Something shifted. Even though I have been out of bed for a couple of months, I retreated back into a bedroom through a large part of the day and into the night. M would go to bed without me, and be asleep when I joined him. Now we are going to bed and to sleep together. Us and the dogs. I feel much better. More content. I think he does too.</p><p></p><p>I am not sure what it was that shifted. And I have reduced my buying significantly. Perhaps 75 percent. The last two days I think I bought one thing. </p><p></p><p>I am not sure what changed. Maybe I did.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes I feel very bad and ashamed I bought all of that stuff. I will probably try to sell back a whole lot of it. Some I know I will sell. Other stuff I will use as props to see if they fit. But when I start feeling bad I remember that what I was buying was myself. I do not know why or what for, but it seems I was trying to figure out who I would be, what I would be if I could choose. I do not think I ever really did so before.</p><p></p><p>As I read the above I feel like other people might judge me harshly to equate consumerism with self-awareness, believing me to be vain or self-indulgent. I have nothing to say for myself. It was just this way. </p><p></p><p>If I had really been able to be intentional from the beginning I would have probably started at where I ended up: Artist-made individual pieces. But I could not hold that intention before I ended up there. I could not know what I wanted. I do not know why. I had to travel there. It makes me feel sad that it had to be that way.</p><p></p><p>I am beginning to think that we really will go back east. I have not mentioned it to M. But despite the obstacles I am feeling we can go because I will hold it as an intention to do so. I am more afraid to go, and feel less the need to. But I want to. If that makes sense. I am more aware of the richness of what we have here. But want more, if that makes sense.</p><p></p><p>Thank you all.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 675218, member: 18958"] I wanted to let you know that it has been 3 full days that I have not retreated to the bedroom to be by myself. At all I am in the great room/kitchen all day, either with M or with the animals. When M is here I listen to his icky Spanish Language TV--like survivor shows or Catinflas at best. I have been working on paperwork and organizing. Something shifted. Even though I have been out of bed for a couple of months, I retreated back into a bedroom through a large part of the day and into the night. M would go to bed without me, and be asleep when I joined him. Now we are going to bed and to sleep together. Us and the dogs. I feel much better. More content. I think he does too. I am not sure what it was that shifted. And I have reduced my buying significantly. Perhaps 75 percent. The last two days I think I bought one thing. I am not sure what changed. Maybe I did. Sometimes I feel very bad and ashamed I bought all of that stuff. I will probably try to sell back a whole lot of it. Some I know I will sell. Other stuff I will use as props to see if they fit. But when I start feeling bad I remember that what I was buying was myself. I do not know why or what for, but it seems I was trying to figure out who I would be, what I would be if I could choose. I do not think I ever really did so before. As I read the above I feel like other people might judge me harshly to equate consumerism with self-awareness, believing me to be vain or self-indulgent. I have nothing to say for myself. It was just this way. If I had really been able to be intentional from the beginning I would have probably started at where I ended up: Artist-made individual pieces. But I could not hold that intention before I ended up there. I could not know what I wanted. I do not know why. I had to travel there. It makes me feel sad that it had to be that way. I am beginning to think that we really will go back east. I have not mentioned it to M. But despite the obstacles I am feeling we can go because I will hold it as an intention to do so. I am more afraid to go, and feel less the need to. But I want to. If that makes sense. I am more aware of the richness of what we have here. But want more, if that makes sense. Thank you all. COPA [/QUOTE]
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When parents still abuse their adult children:
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