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Family of Origin
When parents still abuse their adult children:
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 675565" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>The movie channel has John Wayne movies. Westerns are my favorite genre. Old Westerns. I adore John Wayne. I am not paying attention to Chisholm but I love hearing his voice and hearing the music in the background.While my and M's relationship is pretty new *six years, I am feeling the same kind of changing. We are not so much defined by words and deeds, but by being together. And the sustenance I feel is a wordless devotion by him, and his tenderness that he exposes to me, and shows me. I think both of us could pass the rest of our lives together just together with nothing else happening. And it would be OK. That frightens me. It would be a lot to lose. </p><p></p><p>At the same time, even though it is something we created together I understand that each of us is changing ourselves. In ourselves. He said something a couple of weeks ago. He said: <em>I hope I never have to run away from you</em>. </p><p></p><p>It frightened me. Because what would I do? Except live. </p><p></p><p>It is scary to feel that your living well depends upon somebody else. That you have created something with somebody that would never ever have existed without the other. And he would not exist without you. Except, I see, what we are creating is ourselves, together.</p><p>I think we have not been present to ourselves. I think we have created meaningful and full lives for everybody <em>except us</em>. Now our task is to experience and be present ourselves in our lives.</p><p>How many times has one of us told the other how harsh we can be to ourselves? How judgmental. How merciless. We have taken a power over position in ourselves of our self. We have learned to beat ourselves up, in absentia. That is the horrible truth.</p><p></p><p>I am thinking again of the concentration camp. The stoolies. The people, the Jewish people, who in each camp governed their own people. Imagine the self-contempt at the root of it that could be turned and used toward such an end? </p><p></p><p>I used to think of my sister and think of her in this position. Now I realize it was me, too, towards myself. Not to others. Just me. </p><p></p><p>Maybe that is why I could never sympathize with her. Because the way she betrayed me over and over again was the same thing I did to myself. Or a variant of it. I hated what she did <em>and could not allow myself see it clearly</em>, because I could not, still, see myself. As a betrayer of me. </p><p></p><p>I deprived myself of empathy for her. I made her bad. Because I was like her. In myself, towards myself. How sad and bad would that be? Very bad. Very sad.</p><p></p><p>Now the John Wayne movie is at a dance. It is happy. So I am distracted.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 675565, member: 18958"] The movie channel has John Wayne movies. Westerns are my favorite genre. Old Westerns. I adore John Wayne. I am not paying attention to Chisholm but I love hearing his voice and hearing the music in the background.While my and M's relationship is pretty new *six years, I am feeling the same kind of changing. We are not so much defined by words and deeds, but by being together. And the sustenance I feel is a wordless devotion by him, and his tenderness that he exposes to me, and shows me. I think both of us could pass the rest of our lives together just together with nothing else happening. And it would be OK. That frightens me. It would be a lot to lose. At the same time, even though it is something we created together I understand that each of us is changing ourselves. In ourselves. He said something a couple of weeks ago. He said: [I]I hope I never have to run away from you[/I]. It frightened me. Because what would I do? Except live. It is scary to feel that your living well depends upon somebody else. That you have created something with somebody that would never ever have existed without the other. And he would not exist without you. Except, I see, what we are creating is ourselves, together. I think we have not been present to ourselves. I think we have created meaningful and full lives for everybody [I]except us[/I]. Now our task is to experience and be present ourselves in our lives. How many times has one of us told the other how harsh we can be to ourselves? How judgmental. How merciless. We have taken a power over position in ourselves of our self. We have learned to beat ourselves up, in absentia. That is the horrible truth. I am thinking again of the concentration camp. The stoolies. The people, the Jewish people, who in each camp governed their own people. Imagine the self-contempt at the root of it that could be turned and used toward such an end? I used to think of my sister and think of her in this position. Now I realize it was me, too, towards myself. Not to others. Just me. Maybe that is why I could never sympathize with her. Because the way she betrayed me over and over again was the same thing I did to myself. Or a variant of it. I hated what she did [I]and could not allow myself see it clearly[/I], because I could not, still, see myself. As a betrayer of me. I deprived myself of empathy for her. I made her bad. Because I was like her. In myself, towards myself. How sad and bad would that be? Very bad. Very sad. Now the John Wayne movie is at a dance. It is happy. So I am distracted. COPA [/QUOTE]
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When parents still abuse their adult children:
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