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Family of Origin
When parents still abuse their adult children:
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 675630" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Alone would have been safe.</p><p></p><p>We would have come away from "alone" with independence and confidence in our competence, had we lived. As it is, we were taught not to trust ourselves ~ not to trust our thinking; not to trust the stability of the reactions of those we loved. </p><p></p><p>You have had a wonderful Christmas, Copa.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>I am sorry your hip hurts you.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Would there be an actual loss do you think, Copa...<em>or is that driving feeling that we are never enough ~ that another accomplishment will begin the process of becoming enough ~ are those feelings virulently live artifacts of the kinds of childhoods we had. </em> </p><p></p><p>That was the magic in the IZ picture. He is present, fully and happily alive to the pleasure of having someone who loves him care for him in the sun. That is what presence looks like, and generosity, and play. And maybe love, too. That unafraid.</p><p></p><p>That imagery of the whore, washing her feet in the sun, was the same feeling.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You have peeked beneath the Wizard's curtain, Copa.</p><p></p><p>You are exactly right.</p><p></p><p>Good sleuthing. "<em>The people, the Jewish people, who in each camp governed their own people."</em></p><p></p><p>And remember the story of Jacob, sold into slavery by his brothers with the father's complicity. Which is another version of the Child, imprisoned in an underground dungeon at the center of town to bear the punishment of those living aboveground. And the lives of the people in the town are perfect. And yet, there are those who, in the dark of night, leave the town. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes.</p><p></p><p></p><p>So, here is something from Anne Lamott.</p><p></p><p>“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft. I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won't have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren't even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they're doing it.” </p><p></p><p>― <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7113.Anne_Lamott" target="_blank">Anne Lamott</a>, <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/841198" target="_blank">Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life</a> </p><p></p><p>And here is something else that was beautiful, that I found while I was looking for this one. It has to do with that imagery of the warrior and the cesspool and the lotus, blossoming under the moon.</p><p></p><p>“Forgiveness is giving up all hope of having had a better past.” </p><p></p><p>― <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7113.Anne_Lamott" target="_blank">Anne Lamott</a></p><p></p><p>Okay, so that wasn't the one I meant. Here is the one I meant:</p><p></p><p>“And I felt like my heart had been so thoroughly and irreparably broken that there could be no real joy again, that at best there might eventually be a little contentment. Everyone wanted me to get help and rejoin life, pick up the pieces and move on, and I tried to, I wanted to, but I just had to lie in the mud with my arms wrapped around myself, eyes closed, grieving, until I didn’t have to anymore.” </p><p></p><p>― <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7113.Anne_Lamott" target="_blank">Anne Lamott</a>, <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/901072" target="_blank">Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year</a> </p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 675630, member: 17461"] Alone would have been safe. We would have come away from "alone" with independence and confidence in our competence, had we lived. As it is, we were taught not to trust ourselves ~ not to trust our thinking; not to trust the stability of the reactions of those we loved. You have had a wonderful Christmas, Copa. :O) *** I am sorry your hip hurts you. Would there be an actual loss do you think, Copa...[I]or is that driving feeling that we are never enough ~ that another accomplishment will begin the process of becoming enough ~ are those feelings virulently live artifacts of the kinds of childhoods we had. [/I] That was the magic in the IZ picture. He is present, fully and happily alive to the pleasure of having someone who loves him care for him in the sun. That is what presence looks like, and generosity, and play. And maybe love, too. That unafraid. That imagery of the whore, washing her feet in the sun, was the same feeling. You have peeked beneath the Wizard's curtain, Copa. You are exactly right. Good sleuthing. "[I]The people, the Jewish people, who in each camp governed their own people."[/I] And remember the story of Jacob, sold into slavery by his brothers with the father's complicity. Which is another version of the Child, imprisoned in an underground dungeon at the center of town to bear the punishment of those living aboveground. And the lives of the people in the town are perfect. And yet, there are those who, in the dark of night, leave the town. Yes. So, here is something from Anne Lamott. “Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft. I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won't have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren't even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they're doing it.” ― [URL='https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7113.Anne_Lamott']Anne Lamott[/URL], [URL='https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/841198']Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life[/URL] And here is something else that was beautiful, that I found while I was looking for this one. It has to do with that imagery of the warrior and the cesspool and the lotus, blossoming under the moon. “Forgiveness is giving up all hope of having had a better past.” ― [URL='https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7113.Anne_Lamott']Anne Lamott[/URL] Okay, so that wasn't the one I meant. Here is the one I meant: “And I felt like my heart had been so thoroughly and irreparably broken that there could be no real joy again, that at best there might eventually be a little contentment. Everyone wanted me to get help and rejoin life, pick up the pieces and move on, and I tried to, I wanted to, but I just had to lie in the mud with my arms wrapped around myself, eyes closed, grieving, until I didn’t have to anymore.” ― [URL='https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7113.Anne_Lamott']Anne Lamott[/URL], [URL='https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/901072']Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year[/URL] Cedar [/QUOTE]
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When parents still abuse their adult children:
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