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When wallowing in depression seems normal....
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<blockquote data-quote="CAmom" data-source="post: 26317" data-attributes="member: 1835"><p>Barbara, you just need to fill that cart up with something else. A dream that you both had before you had children. Then, pulling that cart side by side with your life partner will only get you to that dream quicker.</p><p></p><p>I've been feeling a lot of what you all have. Since our son was arrested last August and taken first to JH and then to his group home, we have had an empty nest. We've both done some grieving and continue to do so on and off in our very different ways. There are very many times that I look at my husband and try to remember what we talked about and did before we decided to become parents. I remember enjoying each others company and having fun. We did that for the first fifteen years of our marriage. When our son arrived, we continued doing so up until around when he started kindergarten, and the problems started. </p><p></p><p>Now, it's just the two of us, probably for good, and I've felt useless--my role as a mother yanked from me. We both feel as though we've been through the wars--weary, battle scarred, and defeated. </p><p></p><p>BUT, we've planned a road trip to Canada, a trip we made BGFG (before difficult child) and always wanted to do again. To be honest, the LAST thing I want to do is take off in a motor home for two weeks. As much as I love my husband, he's not the happy, outgoing, sunny-tempered man I've been with for thirty-five years. I guess I'm not the sweet, bright-eyed optimist I used to be either. I'm not sure how this trip will turn out. </p><p></p><p>BUT, I'll be DARNED if I allow our son's choices and consequences to ruin another day of the short time we've been given on this earth, so we're going to take that trip, plodding side by side, and HOPE that, somewhere along the way, we can heal our spirits somewhat and rediscover at least some of the joy we used to have in our relationship and life in general.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CAmom, post: 26317, member: 1835"] Barbara, you just need to fill that cart up with something else. A dream that you both had before you had children. Then, pulling that cart side by side with your life partner will only get you to that dream quicker. I've been feeling a lot of what you all have. Since our son was arrested last August and taken first to JH and then to his group home, we have had an empty nest. We've both done some grieving and continue to do so on and off in our very different ways. There are very many times that I look at my husband and try to remember what we talked about and did before we decided to become parents. I remember enjoying each others company and having fun. We did that for the first fifteen years of our marriage. When our son arrived, we continued doing so up until around when he started kindergarten, and the problems started. Now, it's just the two of us, probably for good, and I've felt useless--my role as a mother yanked from me. We both feel as though we've been through the wars--weary, battle scarred, and defeated. BUT, we've planned a road trip to Canada, a trip we made BGFG (before difficult child) and always wanted to do again. To be honest, the LAST thing I want to do is take off in a motor home for two weeks. As much as I love my husband, he's not the happy, outgoing, sunny-tempered man I've been with for thirty-five years. I guess I'm not the sweet, bright-eyed optimist I used to be either. I'm not sure how this trip will turn out. BUT, I'll be DARNED if I allow our son's choices and consequences to ruin another day of the short time we've been given on this earth, so we're going to take that trip, plodding side by side, and HOPE that, somewhere along the way, we can heal our spirits somewhat and rediscover at least some of the joy we used to have in our relationship and life in general. [/QUOTE]
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