Reply to thread

Message: <blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 765553" data-attributes="member: 18958">Hi LizWho wouldn't feel exhausted, desperate and hopeless?  All of us here understand this feeling. We have almost all of us dealt with a version of your story.  My son is 35. I have been here 9 years. My son has not gotten better. In most aspects, he is worse off. But I am better.How did I do this, when my objective circumstances did not change? Boundaries.The boundaries I have in place, are of various sorts and I was able to do so little by little. I do so with the help of other parents here. It took me a very long time. New Leaf who wrote above came 9 years ago, just after I did. Two and a half years ago, I went back to therapy. And about 8 years ago I returned to my faith, big time. I could not have changed without all this support and influence.  Your son is an adult. He has control over what he does. Parents can't alter another adult's life, no matter how hard they try. And parents are not responsible for the outcome of their adult child's life.This is manipulation.  If you hear him make a threat that is imminent call the cops. That is the limit of your responsibility.It doesn't matter what he says. If he doesn't want to go to counseling it's his right not to do so. It's his life. But the thing is you have a life, too. And if he is unbearable to be around, unsafe, unpleasant (let alone dangerous, which he is) you have a right to keep him away from you and your other children, including not talking to him.Again, who cares what he says? Stop having conversations with him about his life. He is not listening. The bottom line here is this adult is dangerous.  Just because you are his parent does not mean you are responsible to help him or fix him. There are social programs and societal resources that are responsible, up to and including the criminal justice system. Your guilt is not a reason to expose yourself to his toxicity and violence, let alone expose your other children. In addition to posting here, I would suggest a 12 step group such as Al Anon.You need to listen to yourself. I was afraid of my son and I stopped seeing or speaking to him.Again, who cares what he says?This is a problem that you feel you can't speak up to keep yourself and your children safe.You have no reason to feel guilt. It is your son's choices and conduct that are creating the problem.  Your primary challenge is to keep yourself and your family safe. Not your feelings or your son's feelings. These things are unimportant. First, comes safety.</blockquote>

Verification