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When your adult child steals from you...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 630063" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi, KarenAnn.</p><p></p><p>You don't go into much history of your own son, but why did he have to live at your house? He's a grown man, nearing middle age, and should never have asked you to come home let along bring his girlfriend with him. I am really sorry it has been such a problem, however in my opinion they should have never been allowed to live with you and you should never have taken on the "mommy" role again, such as cleaning after them, cooking, probably not insisting on work from son or rent or respect...I know because lots of us have been there/done this. What is wrong with girlfriend is her problem, not yours. It is very unlikely she steals because of Klonopin, although if her son and her use drugs illegally, that would be a huge reason why they steal. My guess is your son does it with her and is well aware of it. There is much more to this picture. Is this your son's baby? If not, it is 100% not your problem. If it is, you still can't do anything for him or his ex. Neither should be in your home. Why do you not know his girlfriend? Did he disappear and suddenly want to come back? It's common in this community. When they suddenly have no money, they suddenly show up. And we love them so we try to believe...</p><p></p><p>You are neglecting somebody really important to try to fix your son and his realtionship problems, although he is an adult. You are neglecting YOURSELF and you are important and deserve to be over parenting your son by now. You deserve your own life, fun with your spouse, fun with your friends and other loved ones and freedom from mothering a man his age. Does he have a job? Why doesn't he have his own place?</p><p></p><p>It is hard to know exactly what to tell you without more of the story. However, right off the bat, I can safely and advise you, guilt-free, to buy two books: Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend (it is Christian, but if you are not, you can still get tons out of it and just skip the religious parts...I am not CHristian and I really learned a lot from that book) and "Codependent No More" by Melody Beatty. Fantastic book and the moment I realized that I took care of everyone in the world but me! And nobody was grateful for my attempts either and my life was filled with stress and worry and tears. I also went to Al-Anon when my daughter used drugs and that was extremely helpful to me.</p><p></p><p>Most of us have had a long journey and are happy to share. It's just that at this point we are not sure what your son's issues are...drugs? Criminality? Mental illness? Something else?</p><p></p><p>A "normal" young adult is not living at home at 31. Nor does he want to live with his parents anymore.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 630063, member: 1550"] Hi, KarenAnn. You don't go into much history of your own son, but why did he have to live at your house? He's a grown man, nearing middle age, and should never have asked you to come home let along bring his girlfriend with him. I am really sorry it has been such a problem, however in my opinion they should have never been allowed to live with you and you should never have taken on the "mommy" role again, such as cleaning after them, cooking, probably not insisting on work from son or rent or respect...I know because lots of us have been there/done this. What is wrong with girlfriend is her problem, not yours. It is very unlikely she steals because of Klonopin, although if her son and her use drugs illegally, that would be a huge reason why they steal. My guess is your son does it with her and is well aware of it. There is much more to this picture. Is this your son's baby? If not, it is 100% not your problem. If it is, you still can't do anything for him or his ex. Neither should be in your home. Why do you not know his girlfriend? Did he disappear and suddenly want to come back? It's common in this community. When they suddenly have no money, they suddenly show up. And we love them so we try to believe... You are neglecting somebody really important to try to fix your son and his realtionship problems, although he is an adult. You are neglecting YOURSELF and you are important and deserve to be over parenting your son by now. You deserve your own life, fun with your spouse, fun with your friends and other loved ones and freedom from mothering a man his age. Does he have a job? Why doesn't he have his own place? It is hard to know exactly what to tell you without more of the story. However, right off the bat, I can safely and advise you, guilt-free, to buy two books: Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend (it is Christian, but if you are not, you can still get tons out of it and just skip the religious parts...I am not CHristian and I really learned a lot from that book) and "Codependent No More" by Melody Beatty. Fantastic book and the moment I realized that I took care of everyone in the world but me! And nobody was grateful for my attempts either and my life was filled with stress and worry and tears. I also went to Al-Anon when my daughter used drugs and that was extremely helpful to me. Most of us have had a long journey and are happy to share. It's just that at this point we are not sure what your son's issues are...drugs? Criminality? Mental illness? Something else? A "normal" young adult is not living at home at 31. Nor does he want to live with his parents anymore. [/QUOTE]
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