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When your adult child steals from you...
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 593388" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome KayDay, I'm glad you found us. I moved your post to it's own thread because you were responding to an old thread, this way you will likely have more responses.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry you are going through this with your daughter, you are not alone, many of us here have a similar story. Even the sexuality shift seems for some of our adult kids, a choice they look into. The lying, disrespect, stealing, manipulation, no responsibility for their actions..........are all behaviors we are familiar with. No one here will judge you, we all have gone through our own nightmares with our kids. This is a safe place where you can vent and feel empathy and compassion, many of us have been there, done that.............we understand.</p><p></p><p>It sure sounds as if your daughter is doing drugs, likely meth like her friend. Of course you feel violated, she has violated you, your family and your trust. I believe you did the right thing. I've had to distance myself from my adult daughter too, so I know the pain of it quite well. I think in calling the police you made a courageous and necessary choice, a difficult choice for us parents, but in my opinion, the right one. Perhaps once she is finally arrested, if she serves time in jail, it may jolt her out of the reality she lives in and give her time to get clean from the drugs. Or not. We can't control their bad choices. </p><p></p><p>You've found yourself, as we all have, on a devastatingly difficult landscape, unlike any other any of us have been on. It is not a normal parental trajectory, it is in a class all by itself. Most other parents of 'regular' kids do not 'get' what we have to do; often we are judged for our choices. But, here we understand how much of a struggle it is for us to choose to call the cops on our own child, to set boundaries against their terrible choices and behaviors, to distance ourselves from their blame and anger............it is a terrible place to be. </p><p></p><p>If you have not already and it feels right to you, you might seek counseling for you and your husband and younger child, so you can heal from this trauma and learn tools to keep yourselves detached. I have found that professional help is necessary, at least for me. There are also 12 step groups you can attend, family groups, whatever groups feel appropriate to you. If your daughter has any mental issues or emotional disorders, you can contact NAMI, National Alliance on Mental Illness, they have wonderful groups and classes for parents and you can access them online. </p><p></p><p>The bottom line is that you cannot control another's choices. However, you can learn to disengage from those choices and live a healthy and happy life. You can learn to respond differently to your daughter so you remain intact and calm. It takes practice and support and learning new tools, but it can be done. </p><p></p><p>I'm glad you're here and I hope this gets easier for you. Please keep posting, it helps. I wish you peace in this stormy sea you find yourself.........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 593388, member: 13542"] Welcome KayDay, I'm glad you found us. I moved your post to it's own thread because you were responding to an old thread, this way you will likely have more responses. I'm sorry you are going through this with your daughter, you are not alone, many of us here have a similar story. Even the sexuality shift seems for some of our adult kids, a choice they look into. The lying, disrespect, stealing, manipulation, no responsibility for their actions..........are all behaviors we are familiar with. No one here will judge you, we all have gone through our own nightmares with our kids. This is a safe place where you can vent and feel empathy and compassion, many of us have been there, done that.............we understand. It sure sounds as if your daughter is doing drugs, likely meth like her friend. Of course you feel violated, she has violated you, your family and your trust. I believe you did the right thing. I've had to distance myself from my adult daughter too, so I know the pain of it quite well. I think in calling the police you made a courageous and necessary choice, a difficult choice for us parents, but in my opinion, the right one. Perhaps once she is finally arrested, if she serves time in jail, it may jolt her out of the reality she lives in and give her time to get clean from the drugs. Or not. We can't control their bad choices. You've found yourself, as we all have, on a devastatingly difficult landscape, unlike any other any of us have been on. It is not a normal parental trajectory, it is in a class all by itself. Most other parents of 'regular' kids do not 'get' what we have to do; often we are judged for our choices. But, here we understand how much of a struggle it is for us to choose to call the cops on our own child, to set boundaries against their terrible choices and behaviors, to distance ourselves from their blame and anger............it is a terrible place to be. If you have not already and it feels right to you, you might seek counseling for you and your husband and younger child, so you can heal from this trauma and learn tools to keep yourselves detached. I have found that professional help is necessary, at least for me. There are also 12 step groups you can attend, family groups, whatever groups feel appropriate to you. If your daughter has any mental issues or emotional disorders, you can contact NAMI, National Alliance on Mental Illness, they have wonderful groups and classes for parents and you can access them online. The bottom line is that you cannot control another's choices. However, you can learn to disengage from those choices and live a healthy and happy life. You can learn to respond differently to your daughter so you remain intact and calm. It takes practice and support and learning new tools, but it can be done. I'm glad you're here and I hope this gets easier for you. Please keep posting, it helps. I wish you peace in this stormy sea you find yourself......... [/QUOTE]
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