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<blockquote data-quote="Madre" data-source="post: 689631" data-attributes="member: 20402"><p>`The debt consists of credit cards and my loans. They have nothing to do with the kids. They have their own student loans and my name is not on theirs.</p><p></p><p>I haven't had time to explore what I enjoy doing because I have been working 4 jobs, 2 of which are online. I am literally working from 8am until midnight doing one job or another. I have an MBA but left my career to have my kids and raise them. By the time I needed to go back to work, the field I was in had changed too much; my skills were not current. I then took another job with career potential and the company went bust in 3 years. I took another, thinking I could stay with that organization for a while and they reorganized and eliminated my position after 2 years. Then, they moved out of the city, anyhow. I have not had any of these "careers" long enough to be of much use on a resume. Employers want you to have 5 years of experience or they say I am overqualified. Either way, I seem to be screwed.</p><p></p><p>I've looked into NAMI and other groups. One of my jobs involves teaching in the evenings. It always seemed that the group meetings clashed with my courses. The money had to come first.</p><p></p><p>I am a few months shy of 65. I will be able to start medicare so medical insurance won't be as much of an issue. Right now, I can only afford the bare minimum and my deductible is ridiculously high. With the various medications and a psychiatrist who won't accept any insurance, a lot of my money goes for medical bills. </p><p></p><p>There were two cars - one extremely old and one that wasn't so old. I don't drive very far to get to my various jobs (as I said 2 are online). My daughter had to do an internship as part of her curriculum and it was a 40 minute drive. I traded cars with her. The engine on the car she had died earlier this year. Financially, it made more sense to buy another car in the state in which she was living (much lower tax). So, she just traded in what was left of the old car, and picked up the new one that I negotiated long distance. There has not been an opportunity for her to drive up to see me (it is a 13 hour drive) or me to go to her to trade cars again. When I move to be closer to her and her brother, we will finally be exchanging cars. I still won't need it that badly and she will have a longish commute to grad school and her job, so it seems to make more sense to let her keep it. It sounds as if I'm making sacrifices for her, but I'm also trying to be practical.</p><p></p><p>I know it sounds like I'm making excuses. I don't have any family where I live. I have relatively few friends at this point, either. I am not comfortable getting out on my own. I'm always working and tired and, as a result, depressed. Part of the reason I am moving to be closer to my kids is because they are worried about leaving me on my own. I have not been coping very well. My Mom passed away from an unusual type of dementia about 18 months ago that has a very high genetic component. One of the symptoms is over the top anger and lashing out. I am scared to death I carry the gene. There is no simple way to diagnose it. You need to have MRIs taken over time to see if activity in the frontal and temporal lobes is lessening. Part of the reason I want to be nearby them is because if I do have this, it is only a matter of time before my kids will need to take care of me. Even now, I tend to be forgetful about my appointments.</p><p></p><p>I took a look at housing assistance; my kids would be mortified if I had to move into section 8 housing. They care too much to allow me to end up destitute and sick. The move to my son's isn't being done so I can stay involved in his life. He is offering to take me in to keep an eye on me. I get upset sometimes that my daughter isn't as generous. I know she would if it weren't for the boyfriend. She has assured me many times over. I am not trying to meddle in her life. It just bothers me that she is so independent in most things but just crumbles when it comes to his demands. It doesn't sit well with me because she already has issues when it comes to relationships with men. I don't interfere or tell her my concerns at this point. I let her know that I am there if she needs me. And when she does, she seeks me out for help and advice. I just feel like the shoe is on the other foot and I want to be able to rely on her for help and support.</p><p></p><p>I wish I could say this is all simple and I can just get on with my life, fix my debts, step away from my kids and let them lead their lives. But it is complicated. My son needed help when he was younger and I spent all of my IRA trying to get him the help he needed. I rang up the credit cards. I spent well beyond my means, but it was so important to me that he get the support he needed. And it paid off; he has a wonderful career and has developed into an awesome individual. My daughter didn't seem to need the same kind of support he did. She was ignored by her Dad and wanted a close family unit. I was it. It was clear she was suffering due to him but she absolutely refused to cooperate in counseling. So, I did what I could and just stayed close by. She is also quite successful. I have two great kids because of my efforts but I am financially and emotionally drained because of their needs.</p><p></p><p>Stepping back to let them live their lives isn't what they really want. They just want some boundaries. I am ok with boundaries but I need their input. I am not a mind reader. My daughter wrote me a very nice note this morning to apologize for her panic attack last night and to reassure me it wasn't anything I did or said. She went on to explain why she thought it had happened. So, at least I have the reassurance of knowing I'm not the one who is creating her craziness. </p><p></p><p>I saw my psychiatrist yesterday. He really believes that I am coping very well but need more sleep. You tend to act weird when you only average 3-4 hours a night. Everything feels more intense, you don't make rationale decisions, you're emotionally labile, you forget what you said 30 minutes prior. I'm going to start there and see if that will help everything and everybody calm down. It is not my desire or plan to live with my son indefinitely; it is a starting point. But it is the first time in 8 years that my children are both within 3 hours of each other. We only have each other and we want to be able to act like a family, particularly around holidays. This isn't all about what I want; it is also about what they want. We're just having a difficult time figuring this out - me, more so than the two of them.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Madre, post: 689631, member: 20402"] `The debt consists of credit cards and my loans. They have nothing to do with the kids. They have their own student loans and my name is not on theirs. I haven't had time to explore what I enjoy doing because I have been working 4 jobs, 2 of which are online. I am literally working from 8am until midnight doing one job or another. I have an MBA but left my career to have my kids and raise them. By the time I needed to go back to work, the field I was in had changed too much; my skills were not current. I then took another job with career potential and the company went bust in 3 years. I took another, thinking I could stay with that organization for a while and they reorganized and eliminated my position after 2 years. Then, they moved out of the city, anyhow. I have not had any of these "careers" long enough to be of much use on a resume. Employers want you to have 5 years of experience or they say I am overqualified. Either way, I seem to be screwed. I've looked into NAMI and other groups. One of my jobs involves teaching in the evenings. It always seemed that the group meetings clashed with my courses. The money had to come first. I am a few months shy of 65. I will be able to start medicare so medical insurance won't be as much of an issue. Right now, I can only afford the bare minimum and my deductible is ridiculously high. With the various medications and a psychiatrist who won't accept any insurance, a lot of my money goes for medical bills. There were two cars - one extremely old and one that wasn't so old. I don't drive very far to get to my various jobs (as I said 2 are online). My daughter had to do an internship as part of her curriculum and it was a 40 minute drive. I traded cars with her. The engine on the car she had died earlier this year. Financially, it made more sense to buy another car in the state in which she was living (much lower tax). So, she just traded in what was left of the old car, and picked up the new one that I negotiated long distance. There has not been an opportunity for her to drive up to see me (it is a 13 hour drive) or me to go to her to trade cars again. When I move to be closer to her and her brother, we will finally be exchanging cars. I still won't need it that badly and she will have a longish commute to grad school and her job, so it seems to make more sense to let her keep it. It sounds as if I'm making sacrifices for her, but I'm also trying to be practical. I know it sounds like I'm making excuses. I don't have any family where I live. I have relatively few friends at this point, either. I am not comfortable getting out on my own. I'm always working and tired and, as a result, depressed. Part of the reason I am moving to be closer to my kids is because they are worried about leaving me on my own. I have not been coping very well. My Mom passed away from an unusual type of dementia about 18 months ago that has a very high genetic component. One of the symptoms is over the top anger and lashing out. I am scared to death I carry the gene. There is no simple way to diagnose it. You need to have MRIs taken over time to see if activity in the frontal and temporal lobes is lessening. Part of the reason I want to be nearby them is because if I do have this, it is only a matter of time before my kids will need to take care of me. Even now, I tend to be forgetful about my appointments. I took a look at housing assistance; my kids would be mortified if I had to move into section 8 housing. They care too much to allow me to end up destitute and sick. The move to my son's isn't being done so I can stay involved in his life. He is offering to take me in to keep an eye on me. I get upset sometimes that my daughter isn't as generous. I know she would if it weren't for the boyfriend. She has assured me many times over. I am not trying to meddle in her life. It just bothers me that she is so independent in most things but just crumbles when it comes to his demands. It doesn't sit well with me because she already has issues when it comes to relationships with men. I don't interfere or tell her my concerns at this point. I let her know that I am there if she needs me. And when she does, she seeks me out for help and advice. I just feel like the shoe is on the other foot and I want to be able to rely on her for help and support. I wish I could say this is all simple and I can just get on with my life, fix my debts, step away from my kids and let them lead their lives. But it is complicated. My son needed help when he was younger and I spent all of my IRA trying to get him the help he needed. I rang up the credit cards. I spent well beyond my means, but it was so important to me that he get the support he needed. And it paid off; he has a wonderful career and has developed into an awesome individual. My daughter didn't seem to need the same kind of support he did. She was ignored by her Dad and wanted a close family unit. I was it. It was clear she was suffering due to him but she absolutely refused to cooperate in counseling. So, I did what I could and just stayed close by. She is also quite successful. I have two great kids because of my efforts but I am financially and emotionally drained because of their needs. Stepping back to let them live their lives isn't what they really want. They just want some boundaries. I am ok with boundaries but I need their input. I am not a mind reader. My daughter wrote me a very nice note this morning to apologize for her panic attack last night and to reassure me it wasn't anything I did or said. She went on to explain why she thought it had happened. So, at least I have the reassurance of knowing I'm not the one who is creating her craziness. I saw my psychiatrist yesterday. He really believes that I am coping very well but need more sleep. You tend to act weird when you only average 3-4 hours a night. Everything feels more intense, you don't make rationale decisions, you're emotionally labile, you forget what you said 30 minutes prior. I'm going to start there and see if that will help everything and everybody calm down. It is not my desire or plan to live with my son indefinitely; it is a starting point. But it is the first time in 8 years that my children are both within 3 hours of each other. We only have each other and we want to be able to act like a family, particularly around holidays. This isn't all about what I want; it is also about what they want. We're just having a difficult time figuring this out - me, more so than the two of them. [/QUOTE]
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