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Parent Emeritus
Why can’t I stop poking the bear? (Borderline estranged daughter)
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 764485" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Copa and all.</p><p>I have been in this place, the nothingness. Looking back, I think it is self protect mode, because to feel becomes incredibly unbearable. So we go the opposite to try to mend our hearts that have broken over and again. Holidays are so difficult perhaps because they are reminders of what once was when our wayward kids were little. Or maybe it’s the overwhelming desire for normalcy in such bizarre circumstances. </p><p></p><p>No, just no, Copa! You have offered your son innumerable chances to live comfortably in your home, then in a home you own. He refused to follow rules and boundaries, that’s on him.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I don’t think it’s feeling nothing. I think it is a way to stop the pain until we can find ways to cope with this ongoing continued feeling of loss. I think after so many years of suffering desperation over the awful choices our adult kids make, we have to come up for air. I have written many times that I have felt cold hearted when I don’t enter that slippery slope towards the rabbit hole. Nonsense. After years of this onslaught, something has to give. We are either going to roll over and perish from the pain of it, or go numb and find ways to get back up. I find that after contact with Rain, I have to put up boundaries all over again, not only for what I will tolerate from her, but boundaries for myself and how far I will go with the intense sadness. It’s an ongoing process. I am so thankful for the folks here who understand. Sending love and big hugs to you Copa, and all who have to work so hard to live on with the madness of it all. Please be gentle with yourselves. </p><p>(Hugs)</p><p>Leaf</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 764485, member: 19522"] Hi Copa and all. I have been in this place, the nothingness. Looking back, I think it is self protect mode, because to feel becomes incredibly unbearable. So we go the opposite to try to mend our hearts that have broken over and again. Holidays are so difficult perhaps because they are reminders of what once was when our wayward kids were little. Or maybe it’s the overwhelming desire for normalcy in such bizarre circumstances. No, just no, Copa! You have offered your son innumerable chances to live comfortably in your home, then in a home you own. He refused to follow rules and boundaries, that’s on him. I don’t think it’s feeling nothing. I think it is a way to stop the pain until we can find ways to cope with this ongoing continued feeling of loss. I think after so many years of suffering desperation over the awful choices our adult kids make, we have to come up for air. I have written many times that I have felt cold hearted when I don’t enter that slippery slope towards the rabbit hole. Nonsense. After years of this onslaught, something has to give. We are either going to roll over and perish from the pain of it, or go numb and find ways to get back up. I find that after contact with Rain, I have to put up boundaries all over again, not only for what I will tolerate from her, but boundaries for myself and how far I will go with the intense sadness. It’s an ongoing process. I am so thankful for the folks here who understand. Sending love and big hugs to you Copa, and all who have to work so hard to live on with the madness of it all. Please be gentle with yourselves. (Hugs) Leaf [/QUOTE]
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Why can’t I stop poking the bear? (Borderline estranged daughter)
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