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Substance Abuse
Why did I take so long....
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 636266" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Let your husband go alone.</p><p>Seriously, don't drop her things off with your husband. Why would you want to see her? Why do you feel you have to see her? She has violated you in every way possible. I would think you'd need a total break from her for now. She sounds cunning and mainpulative and possibly personality-disordered. It is unlikely she will change. If you see her change and maintain for a long time maybe you can give her another chance...very slowly...and not in your home (like meet inl public coffee houses).</p><p></p><p>Be kind to yourself and tell your hubby he will have to go himself. If he still feels the need to try to rescue her, that is his misfortune...he can't. You do not have to enable SD or enable your husband while he enables his daughter. I think you misunderstand love or at least my understanding of love. Your husband is not taking good care of his needs. You are not loving him by helping him enable his daughter's bad behavior so that she keeps treating him like garbage. Even when we love somebody, sometimes, more often than we want to think, it is better and more loving NOT to support their poor choices. Are you the love of HIS life? If so, why would he even consider putting you through this? Think about it. He should not care less about you than you care about him, so your not going should be met with deep understanding and his wish to protect the woman who is loved so much by him. It goes both ways. A strong man, in my opinion, would insist that you stay home...that he can handle it alone. And that you will not go if he has anything to say bout it. I know my husband would not want me to go with him, if we were in this situation. He is protective of me, more than I want sometimes.</p><p></p><p>It is unfair to blame SD for the disaster of the family. It talks more than one to tangle. If your husband would have the guts to toss her out for her cruelty, thievery, disrespect and other unpleasant traits and behaviors, she would not have the power to interfere so much in your lives. There is a fine line between a nice guy and a doormat (I know first hand...I am a recovering doormat). There is such thing as being so compliant out of fear of rejection and allowing yourself to be whipped by your own children. I did this once. No more.</p><p></p><p>Daughter can only do what she is allowed to do so it's still a Daddy/Daughter dance with both playing the game. I hope he truly makes he live elsewhere from now on. That's a big step for him and one he needs to stick to in order to protect you and love you. You aren't the one behaving like criminal. She is.</p><p></p><p>Also, never, ever be certain somebody who used drugs is sober if they are still acting like criminals. Don't you think the thievery was to buy drugs? I do. I'd bet the farm she is still using.</p><p></p><p>Hugs!!! Put yourself first for a change. You are worth it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 636266, member: 1550"] Let your husband go alone. Seriously, don't drop her things off with your husband. Why would you want to see her? Why do you feel you have to see her? She has violated you in every way possible. I would think you'd need a total break from her for now. She sounds cunning and mainpulative and possibly personality-disordered. It is unlikely she will change. If you see her change and maintain for a long time maybe you can give her another chance...very slowly...and not in your home (like meet inl public coffee houses). Be kind to yourself and tell your hubby he will have to go himself. If he still feels the need to try to rescue her, that is his misfortune...he can't. You do not have to enable SD or enable your husband while he enables his daughter. I think you misunderstand love or at least my understanding of love. Your husband is not taking good care of his needs. You are not loving him by helping him enable his daughter's bad behavior so that she keeps treating him like garbage. Even when we love somebody, sometimes, more often than we want to think, it is better and more loving NOT to support their poor choices. Are you the love of HIS life? If so, why would he even consider putting you through this? Think about it. He should not care less about you than you care about him, so your not going should be met with deep understanding and his wish to protect the woman who is loved so much by him. It goes both ways. A strong man, in my opinion, would insist that you stay home...that he can handle it alone. And that you will not go if he has anything to say bout it. I know my husband would not want me to go with him, if we were in this situation. He is protective of me, more than I want sometimes. It is unfair to blame SD for the disaster of the family. It talks more than one to tangle. If your husband would have the guts to toss her out for her cruelty, thievery, disrespect and other unpleasant traits and behaviors, she would not have the power to interfere so much in your lives. There is a fine line between a nice guy and a doormat (I know first hand...I am a recovering doormat). There is such thing as being so compliant out of fear of rejection and allowing yourself to be whipped by your own children. I did this once. No more. Daughter can only do what she is allowed to do so it's still a Daddy/Daughter dance with both playing the game. I hope he truly makes he live elsewhere from now on. That's a big step for him and one he needs to stick to in order to protect you and love you. You aren't the one behaving like criminal. She is. Also, never, ever be certain somebody who used drugs is sober if they are still acting like criminals. Don't you think the thievery was to buy drugs? I do. I'd bet the farm she is still using. Hugs!!! Put yourself first for a change. You are worth it. [/QUOTE]
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