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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 764153" data-attributes="member: 18958">I am so sorry that you are suffering. There are people who are sociopaths. There has always been and there always will be. It figures that they have parents, and if those parents are normal, they will suffer as long as they keep connected to the drama. Except his parents do not seem to be without problems and issues of their own.I suspect both parents had pre-existing problems. Suicide and alcoholism are not responsible or proactive responses.. It is not the son's fault nor is it his responsibility that his parents respond maladaptively.I hope you don't experience my words to be harsh. I believe your issue is primarily in yourself and your marriage, not your stepson. That is what has to be faced. Your husband is allowing that his son damage you. And you are allowing it. How must this feel, I can't even imagine. And you are submitting to this. You live with an alcoholic who is not taking responsibility for his own behavior. That is the central problem, I think. Where in the world is positive change going to come from?Yes.The ball is in your court. You are responsible for you.  Neither your stepson nor your husband are likely to change, absent some catalyst to do so and even then, why would they? The only one who can change is you.I would consider psychotherapy. I would also go to Al Anon meetings for family members of Alcoholics or Nar Anon.Until you confront that you have a role in this drama, you will fall victim to it and enable it. We are either part of the problem or the solution. If we see ourselves as victims of others we are part of the problem. If we accept we have personal responsibility and choice we are part of the solution. You deserve to not suffer, but the remedies depend on you. The only control any of us has, is over ourselves and our choices.</blockquote>

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