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Why so numb?
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<blockquote data-quote="BackintheSaddle" data-source="post: 620774" data-attributes="member: 17503"><p>Hello All- I've been reading threads but haven't posted in a week or so...my difficult child was kicked out right at Christmas and continues to live with my highly dysfunctional parents...I haven't seen him since mid-January...he's mentally ill, definitely, but doesn't drink or use drugs...he refuses treatment which is part of what led to him attacking me and being kicked out...since that time, I've occilated between many feelings, like I know all of you can relate to...I was so sad most of January that I could barely get out of bed most days...I've been doing a lot of 'self care' so I have felt a lot better in February but still fluctuating between anger, sadness, guilt, and all those feelings that we mothers (and fathers) struggle with on a regular basis...however, in the past couple of weeks, I've grown increasingly numb-- I don't know how else to describe it...about then, I got a nasty letter from my father (I posted about it and many of you sent wonderful responses), blaming me for every problem he and my Mom have had for the last 40 years and all of my difficult child's problem...I didn't respond and didn't let difficult child know I got it (I doubt he knows about it) but I burned the letter and feel really 'done' with my parents...but still hoping difficult child will come around, grow up, or whatever and come back into my life...last week, for V-day, I decided to be 'true to myself' and give him gifts like I've always done-- a card and candy...it was also snowing here (an unusual thing) and baked cookies and put them all in a bag...I went by his work to drop it off and lay eyes on him...I really miss just seeing him...but he wasn't there so I texted him to let him know I would drop it off and ended up leaving it in their mailbox and told him it was there...I was so nervous just driving on that road, even nauseous, but left it and got an email from him later that said 'ok. got it'-- my doing this caused my husband and I to have an argument because of the feelings it stirred up...that was it...haven't heard from him since, never get texts or emails from him to see how we're doing...he's totally just cut us off (and I'm sure he'd say it's my fault)....I've left it open to let me know if he wants to see me, have breakfast/lunch, just let me know...nothing...I've texted him weekly the last 3 weeks just to check in...he may or may not respond, doesn't seem to care at all about staying in touch...so lately, I just feel numb...I don't miss him like I did, I don't cry, I feel empty in a way though I'm able to appear happy, go to work like usual, and go through the motions...</p><p> </p><p>I decided to finally reach out to you...why do I feel so numb? (yet so tired)...makes me worry that some horrid stage is coming next where I'll get the rug out from under me...the numbness is the calm before the storm so to speak...it's been 2 months today that difficult child was kicked out and I feel little when I say that..</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BackintheSaddle, post: 620774, member: 17503"] Hello All- I've been reading threads but haven't posted in a week or so...my difficult child was kicked out right at Christmas and continues to live with my highly dysfunctional parents...I haven't seen him since mid-January...he's mentally ill, definitely, but doesn't drink or use drugs...he refuses treatment which is part of what led to him attacking me and being kicked out...since that time, I've occilated between many feelings, like I know all of you can relate to...I was so sad most of January that I could barely get out of bed most days...I've been doing a lot of 'self care' so I have felt a lot better in February but still fluctuating between anger, sadness, guilt, and all those feelings that we mothers (and fathers) struggle with on a regular basis...however, in the past couple of weeks, I've grown increasingly numb-- I don't know how else to describe it...about then, I got a nasty letter from my father (I posted about it and many of you sent wonderful responses), blaming me for every problem he and my Mom have had for the last 40 years and all of my difficult child's problem...I didn't respond and didn't let difficult child know I got it (I doubt he knows about it) but I burned the letter and feel really 'done' with my parents...but still hoping difficult child will come around, grow up, or whatever and come back into my life...last week, for V-day, I decided to be 'true to myself' and give him gifts like I've always done-- a card and candy...it was also snowing here (an unusual thing) and baked cookies and put them all in a bag...I went by his work to drop it off and lay eyes on him...I really miss just seeing him...but he wasn't there so I texted him to let him know I would drop it off and ended up leaving it in their mailbox and told him it was there...I was so nervous just driving on that road, even nauseous, but left it and got an email from him later that said 'ok. got it'-- my doing this caused my husband and I to have an argument because of the feelings it stirred up...that was it...haven't heard from him since, never get texts or emails from him to see how we're doing...he's totally just cut us off (and I'm sure he'd say it's my fault)....I've left it open to let me know if he wants to see me, have breakfast/lunch, just let me know...nothing...I've texted him weekly the last 3 weeks just to check in...he may or may not respond, doesn't seem to care at all about staying in touch...so lately, I just feel numb...I don't miss him like I did, I don't cry, I feel empty in a way though I'm able to appear happy, go to work like usual, and go through the motions... I decided to finally reach out to you...why do I feel so numb? (yet so tired)...makes me worry that some horrid stage is coming next where I'll get the rug out from under me...the numbness is the calm before the storm so to speak...it's been 2 months today that difficult child was kicked out and I feel little when I say that.. [/QUOTE]
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