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Why so numb?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 620788" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I'm so sorry you are going through this and I can relate to the numb feeling. I'll try putting on my psychologist hat, but remember the hat is there, but the degree is missing <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p></p><p>My guess, and it is just a guess, is that you are absolutely horrified to find out what most of us had to find out...that our difficult children care little for anyone but themselves, and that includes us...that once we are not longer the ATM they don't have any real reason to speak to us. First of all, they are punishing us for no longer being their personal money machine, which infuriates them. They will accuse us of not caring about them when we do this and punish us by cutting us off. That's an attempt to get us to be the money machine again. This is a lot for any mom's heart to take in, so we grieve and we try and when normal attempts to reach out don't work, we realize that all we are to our grown difficult children is The Bank. </p><p></p><p>I am going to post a theory I have. I think most of our grown kids, especially the ones who are not addicted to drugs, like my 36 and your son, have personality disorders along with whatever else is wrong with them, such as mood disorders. Mood disorders alone do not cause the kind of coldness and meanness our grown children exhibit. I am thinking that they both show some narcissistic and antisocial traits. Take a read for yourself and see what you think. Remember, as you read, that a person can have many traits of one or the other or both and not enough to be labeled as such, but still have it affect their relationships, especially their close ones. Basically both are a big "It's all about ME." They don't understand or care how much they hurt other people (choose your poison...don't understand/don't care. Both are very negative traits in a human being when dealing with other people). I see traits of both in 36.</p><p></p><p><a href="http://psychcentral.com/disorders/antisocial-personality-disorder-symptoms/" target="_blank">http://psychcentral.com/disorders/antisocial-personality-disorder-symptoms/</a></p><p><a href="http://psychcentral.com/disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder-symptoms/" target="_blank">http://psychcentral.com/disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder-symptoms/</a></p><p></p><p>Regardless of what is wrong with your son, he is an adult and is punishing you in the most cruel way a grown child can. He is showing you that you can only be in his life if you keep giving him things. And in spite of their "you don't love me", they know we do and they know how much this punishment hurts. That's why they do it. Has he ever taken responsibility for attacking you without adding "but" to his apology?Is he still refusing to see that what he did was dangerous and wrong, and that "but you provoked me" isn't a good excuse? Kind of like telling a poor girl who is raped that her short skirt provoked the attacker. </p><p></p><p>I think the numbness is normal and will fade. It's kind of a big shock to our system when we admit to ourselves (and see proof) that our grown kids are really not very nice, loving people. The shock part is the numbness, in my opinion.</p><p></p><p>Keep on being good to yourself. Do you have a therapist? You really should not take this walk by yourself. You need a caring person to guide you through it. NAMI is also a good place to reach out for support.</p><p></p><p>Wishing you a peaceful, serene day as you take this difficult and life changing journey.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 620788, member: 1550"] I'm so sorry you are going through this and I can relate to the numb feeling. I'll try putting on my psychologist hat, but remember the hat is there, but the degree is missing ;) My guess, and it is just a guess, is that you are absolutely horrified to find out what most of us had to find out...that our difficult children care little for anyone but themselves, and that includes us...that once we are not longer the ATM they don't have any real reason to speak to us. First of all, they are punishing us for no longer being their personal money machine, which infuriates them. They will accuse us of not caring about them when we do this and punish us by cutting us off. That's an attempt to get us to be the money machine again. This is a lot for any mom's heart to take in, so we grieve and we try and when normal attempts to reach out don't work, we realize that all we are to our grown difficult children is The Bank. I am going to post a theory I have. I think most of our grown kids, especially the ones who are not addicted to drugs, like my 36 and your son, have personality disorders along with whatever else is wrong with them, such as mood disorders. Mood disorders alone do not cause the kind of coldness and meanness our grown children exhibit. I am thinking that they both show some narcissistic and antisocial traits. Take a read for yourself and see what you think. Remember, as you read, that a person can have many traits of one or the other or both and not enough to be labeled as such, but still have it affect their relationships, especially their close ones. Basically both are a big "It's all about ME." They don't understand or care how much they hurt other people (choose your poison...don't understand/don't care. Both are very negative traits in a human being when dealing with other people). I see traits of both in 36. [url]http://psychcentral.com/disorders/antisocial-personality-disorder-symptoms/[/url] [url]http://psychcentral.com/disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder-symptoms/[/url] Regardless of what is wrong with your son, he is an adult and is punishing you in the most cruel way a grown child can. He is showing you that you can only be in his life if you keep giving him things. And in spite of their "you don't love me", they know we do and they know how much this punishment hurts. That's why they do it. Has he ever taken responsibility for attacking you without adding "but" to his apology?Is he still refusing to see that what he did was dangerous and wrong, and that "but you provoked me" isn't a good excuse? Kind of like telling a poor girl who is raped that her short skirt provoked the attacker. I think the numbness is normal and will fade. It's kind of a big shock to our system when we admit to ourselves (and see proof) that our grown kids are really not very nice, loving people. The shock part is the numbness, in my opinion. Keep on being good to yourself. Do you have a therapist? You really should not take this walk by yourself. You need a caring person to guide you through it. NAMI is also a good place to reach out for support. Wishing you a peaceful, serene day as you take this difficult and life changing journey. [/QUOTE]
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