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Why so numb?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 620808" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I'm glad you stepped out there and came back and posted BITS, I was wondering where you are. And, I am so very sorry you are feeling numb, that you are dealing with so much betrayal from your family.</p><p></p><p>I think MWM, Cedar and Echo have all given you sound support with whatever "hats" they are wearing, the biggest one is our concern for you. </p><p></p><p>The kind of assaults you've recently sustained would knock anyone down, your response, whatever it is, is warranted and appropriate. You've just received a couple of whopper sucker punches which probably opened the doors for old wounds to come flying back too.</p><p></p><p>I think in these kind of highly dysfunctional families where there is mental illness and alcoholism those of us who are highly sensitive bear the biggest burden and suffer the most pain as a result of that very sensitivity. Sometimes when the pain is too much to bear, I think we have a sort of safety valve which gives us a break from the intensity of the onslaught. Numbing out can give us that space. Depression may be there as well. And, certainly not being able to yet accept the truth of our situation can create that numbness too. Perhaps all of it is at play.</p><p></p><p>When I was in a similar place, one of my (many) therapists called that place the FOG, sort of an in between place where I knew the old enabling me wasn't going to work, but I was not certain of how to be, how to respond, how to react..........I had always responded the same way and now I couldn't and I knew that much.............but the new behavior hadn't settled in yet, so I was at a loss, I was empty, I had no where to go. I actually stayed in that place for awhile. I could take in the information I was being offered in my therapy group, but I really was not prepared to act on anything.......I really did feel as if I was in a FOG, I had no idea how to BE. So much of me had been that enabler and without that, I had no where to go.</p><p></p><p>This situation with your father and your difficult child is really pretty gruesome from the standpoint of you the daughter and you the mother..........you're in between two difficult child's, what an awful place to be. I think I would be numb too.</p><p></p><p>My heart goes out to you BITS, this is a rough time. Please take very good care of yourself..........if you have a therapist, reach out to her/him. Do very, very kind and nurturing things for yourself. This is a time to really ask for support and utilize your support system.........do not isolate. I am sending you caring hugs and prayers. Hang in there, we are circling the wagons around you................we are here for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 620808, member: 13542"] I'm glad you stepped out there and came back and posted BITS, I was wondering where you are. And, I am so very sorry you are feeling numb, that you are dealing with so much betrayal from your family. I think MWM, Cedar and Echo have all given you sound support with whatever "hats" they are wearing, the biggest one is our concern for you. The kind of assaults you've recently sustained would knock anyone down, your response, whatever it is, is warranted and appropriate. You've just received a couple of whopper sucker punches which probably opened the doors for old wounds to come flying back too. I think in these kind of highly dysfunctional families where there is mental illness and alcoholism those of us who are highly sensitive bear the biggest burden and suffer the most pain as a result of that very sensitivity. Sometimes when the pain is too much to bear, I think we have a sort of safety valve which gives us a break from the intensity of the onslaught. Numbing out can give us that space. Depression may be there as well. And, certainly not being able to yet accept the truth of our situation can create that numbness too. Perhaps all of it is at play. When I was in a similar place, one of my (many) therapists called that place the FOG, sort of an in between place where I knew the old enabling me wasn't going to work, but I was not certain of how to be, how to respond, how to react..........I had always responded the same way and now I couldn't and I knew that much.............but the new behavior hadn't settled in yet, so I was at a loss, I was empty, I had no where to go. I actually stayed in that place for awhile. I could take in the information I was being offered in my therapy group, but I really was not prepared to act on anything.......I really did feel as if I was in a FOG, I had no idea how to BE. So much of me had been that enabler and without that, I had no where to go. This situation with your father and your difficult child is really pretty gruesome from the standpoint of you the daughter and you the mother..........you're in between two difficult child's, what an awful place to be. I think I would be numb too. My heart goes out to you BITS, this is a rough time. Please take very good care of yourself..........if you have a therapist, reach out to her/him. Do very, very kind and nurturing things for yourself. This is a time to really ask for support and utilize your support system.........do not isolate. I am sending you caring hugs and prayers. Hang in there, we are circling the wagons around you................we are here for you. [/QUOTE]
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