I had to add a PS to this. When my parents and I had our big blow-up 10 years ago, the prime reason was that they took advantage of L, who had been placed in a group home by her dad, in order to hurt me with her, and to belittle me in her eyes all in one fell swoop. Her dad was an active participant in it. When I confronted my dad with this, asking him "how could you involve him in this after what he did to me?" His response was "He never did anything to me. Besides, you deserved everything that happened to you for getting pregnant when you weren't married." Of course much more than this was said, and my mom sat there and absorbed it all. Then tried to tell me "We love you" when I walked out on it. All anyone acknowledges is that I got angry at my poor elderly parents.
L feels I am at fault in this rift because I won't forgive them if they won't admit they were wrong. I don't feel a need to see them or be involved with them, but it doesn't make it easy to be told I'd never be allowed to attend Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner. It makes me a loser in L's eyes because my family has only heard my dad's side of the story and hates me and I won't go crawling back to them.
So, I guess L's pretty screwed up all the way around. But, it's not of my making and she won't ask for help, so there's really not anything I can do to help her. I hope she'll learn to respect herself more one day.
