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Family of Origin
Work and Germany; Benedictines and Buddhists: Attitude
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 673610" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Oh, Leafie and the rest of my friends. It's hard for everyone, I think, but it can be done more and more often once you are at peace.</p><p></p><p>I remember, barely, back in my teens and twenties and early thirties when I had NO peace; when I was just a leftover of the dumped daughter from a chaotic home and unable to be good to myself for a minute. I even thought if I was happy it was a jinx to me and others I loved. Isn't that odd? The older I got, the more peace I found. Perfect peace? All the time? Never a worry? I have the love I always wanted...from a husband, from many children, from my grands, from my father...all I ever wanted was to love and to be loved and it has happened...not always easily, but it did end up good. So am I calm now? Always?</p><p></p><p>Not my nature. Not even now when I've decided what to do and am at peace with FOO and when my adult children are all doing well and when even Goneboy showed up for the accident. I don't want to share that...it was not bad, just very personal. So without the daily horror stories and only Bart once in a while having angst that gives me angst (and far less ofen now that he knows he will have majority custody over Junior) shouldn't I have perfect peace?</p><p></p><p>No such thing.</p><p></p><p>Maybe I'm so wired to be rejected, spit on, shunned and treated badly that some of it is PTSD. Do you think it ever goes away entirely? Even those I don't want in my life, sometimes I miss, but it becomes less and less.</p><p></p><p>Our early years form us and live with us and we will never be totally free.But we can be present and calm a lot of the time and learn coping tools for when we get off track. We can count all the things and people we are grateful about. I try to do it every night before falling asleep. Most of us came from horrendous, abusive mothers and are now in a much better place than THAT, right?</p><p></p><p>I hope everybody has a serene night.</p><p></p><p>With sincere love to my very kind friends here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 673610, member: 1550"] Oh, Leafie and the rest of my friends. It's hard for everyone, I think, but it can be done more and more often once you are at peace. I remember, barely, back in my teens and twenties and early thirties when I had NO peace; when I was just a leftover of the dumped daughter from a chaotic home and unable to be good to myself for a minute. I even thought if I was happy it was a jinx to me and others I loved. Isn't that odd? The older I got, the more peace I found. Perfect peace? All the time? Never a worry? I have the love I always wanted...from a husband, from many children, from my grands, from my father...all I ever wanted was to love and to be loved and it has happened...not always easily, but it did end up good. So am I calm now? Always? Not my nature. Not even now when I've decided what to do and am at peace with FOO and when my adult children are all doing well and when even Goneboy showed up for the accident. I don't want to share that...it was not bad, just very personal. So without the daily horror stories and only Bart once in a while having angst that gives me angst (and far less ofen now that he knows he will have majority custody over Junior) shouldn't I have perfect peace? No such thing. Maybe I'm so wired to be rejected, spit on, shunned and treated badly that some of it is PTSD. Do you think it ever goes away entirely? Even those I don't want in my life, sometimes I miss, but it becomes less and less. Our early years form us and live with us and we will never be totally free.But we can be present and calm a lot of the time and learn coping tools for when we get off track. We can count all the things and people we are grateful about. I try to do it every night before falling asleep. Most of us came from horrendous, abusive mothers and are now in a much better place than THAT, right? I hope everybody has a serene night. With sincere love to my very kind friends here. [/QUOTE]
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