Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Worried about young difficult child...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 434950" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Hey Lady,</p><p></p><p>I am sorry to hear he is so injured and also so sick mentally/emotionally. I have been through serious back problems and had two surgeries to fuse discs. I have been told that about every 5-10 years I will likely need another level fused. That is the BEST outcome according to the docs that I trust. Other health koi has made it even worse and now I may have a lot more than that to be done because complications. </p><p></p><p>So I can say that he is likely in a LOT of pain. they do use morphine for acute pain, not just vicodin or percocet. But not for very long because it simply doesn't stay in the body long. Those who need morphine long term end up with implantible pumps that put small amts into their body so they don't need to take larger amounts orally. Given your boys both have had serious sub abuse problems, he needs to fight that pain with everything NON opiate that is possible. My exsil (gfgbro's wife) was an opiate addict in addition to being an alcoholic and she had a car accident that really messed up her back. But going to docs who would give her the most pain medications, and lots of hospital trips to get even more, well, they made her back a LOT worse.</p><p></p><p>One rule of thumb is that he needs enough relief to keep him from going nuts and NOT enough relief to let him walk to your house or even think that he can walk to your house. It sounds like he is taking too much of the pain medications and then feels "okayish" and does stupid stuff that makes the pain a lot worse, then he takes too much medications and feels okayish and does stupid stuff that makes the probelms worse. The stuff like walking so far so soon after the injury makes the actual injury worse and makes recovering take longer, more expensive and far more complicated. I have seen it in so many people with injuries and too much medications and not enough understanding of what is going on inside their body.</p><p></p><p>Hard as it sounds, your husband is right. Coming home would be a huge step back and he NEEDs to know that you BELIEVE in him, that he will get better and rebound from this, and that you believe he can do it. That is what he needs, not you and husband providing money and a place to live. Making him your little boy in your home will be a sign that no matter WHAT you say, that you don't believe he can handle this on his own, like a man. Would YOUR parents or husband's parents have let you move in if husband were hurt and not doing what he was supposed to and he was talking about just giving up and killing himself? Or would husband have gotten a swift kick in his pants and told to get going with what the doctor said and therapy and not medications?</p><p></p><p>I know iwth the mood disorder it is different, and we both know he will need to get to a therapeutic level of medications and be there for 4-6 weeks before they do any significant help with his moods. In that time, he needs confidence - that knowledge that you truly, deep down in your gut, believe that he can ahndle this.</p><p></p><p>They also need to go to social services. He cannot work, not sure what insurance they have, but he can likely get medicaid to cover this injury and also food stamps (done with a debit card now, so it is like paying iwth a regular debit card and no one knows but you) and even help with rent if needed. Possibly even TANF if he and his wife have not used that benefit in hte past. Depending on the kids' ages, WIC may also be a good option. </p><p></p><p>I know you will do what you can to make sure he gets what he needs, but push for therapy (talk therapy) in addition to the medications, PT, etc.... He may actually qualify for disability at his age if this accident truly leaves him unable to work. So that is something to look into. But iwth worry that he will kill himself because he thinks he will be homeless in a wheelchair, well, the docs MUST know this and he likely may need to include some time in a psychiatric hospital to help him with all of this. I know he hates psychiatrists, etc.... but better he hate them and still need to go to one than to have him leave his children fatherless. You need to talk Occupational Therapist (OT) his wife and get some idea of his mental state to see if he is really thinking about suicide then he MUST be evalutaed ASAP - if nothing else those kids NEED their dad. </p><p></p><p>Whatever works out as far as his body, it CAN be managed if his head/emotions are treated while his body is recovering. Giving up is what will make him stay in that wheelchair. I remember how determined he was to do what he wanted to do, and how charming and charismatic he was when I visited you. Even in a wheelchair he has those things and can use them to build a great life if he can get past the depression and use those to his advantage and not to get away with things that will only end up hurting him. </p><p></p><p>Please let him know, if he remembers me in any reasonable way, that I am sorry he is so injured, that I have been through serious spinal problems and health issues since age 14 and that I truly, honestly believe he has what it takes to build a good life for his family whether he is in a wheelchair or not. </p><p></p><p>many hugs to all of you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 434950, member: 1233"] Hey Lady, I am sorry to hear he is so injured and also so sick mentally/emotionally. I have been through serious back problems and had two surgeries to fuse discs. I have been told that about every 5-10 years I will likely need another level fused. That is the BEST outcome according to the docs that I trust. Other health koi has made it even worse and now I may have a lot more than that to be done because complications. So I can say that he is likely in a LOT of pain. they do use morphine for acute pain, not just vicodin or percocet. But not for very long because it simply doesn't stay in the body long. Those who need morphine long term end up with implantible pumps that put small amts into their body so they don't need to take larger amounts orally. Given your boys both have had serious sub abuse problems, he needs to fight that pain with everything NON opiate that is possible. My exsil (gfgbro's wife) was an opiate addict in addition to being an alcoholic and she had a car accident that really messed up her back. But going to docs who would give her the most pain medications, and lots of hospital trips to get even more, well, they made her back a LOT worse. One rule of thumb is that he needs enough relief to keep him from going nuts and NOT enough relief to let him walk to your house or even think that he can walk to your house. It sounds like he is taking too much of the pain medications and then feels "okayish" and does stupid stuff that makes the pain a lot worse, then he takes too much medications and feels okayish and does stupid stuff that makes the probelms worse. The stuff like walking so far so soon after the injury makes the actual injury worse and makes recovering take longer, more expensive and far more complicated. I have seen it in so many people with injuries and too much medications and not enough understanding of what is going on inside their body. Hard as it sounds, your husband is right. Coming home would be a huge step back and he NEEDs to know that you BELIEVE in him, that he will get better and rebound from this, and that you believe he can do it. That is what he needs, not you and husband providing money and a place to live. Making him your little boy in your home will be a sign that no matter WHAT you say, that you don't believe he can handle this on his own, like a man. Would YOUR parents or husband's parents have let you move in if husband were hurt and not doing what he was supposed to and he was talking about just giving up and killing himself? Or would husband have gotten a swift kick in his pants and told to get going with what the doctor said and therapy and not medications? I know iwth the mood disorder it is different, and we both know he will need to get to a therapeutic level of medications and be there for 4-6 weeks before they do any significant help with his moods. In that time, he needs confidence - that knowledge that you truly, deep down in your gut, believe that he can ahndle this. They also need to go to social services. He cannot work, not sure what insurance they have, but he can likely get medicaid to cover this injury and also food stamps (done with a debit card now, so it is like paying iwth a regular debit card and no one knows but you) and even help with rent if needed. Possibly even TANF if he and his wife have not used that benefit in hte past. Depending on the kids' ages, WIC may also be a good option. I know you will do what you can to make sure he gets what he needs, but push for therapy (talk therapy) in addition to the medications, PT, etc.... He may actually qualify for disability at his age if this accident truly leaves him unable to work. So that is something to look into. But iwth worry that he will kill himself because he thinks he will be homeless in a wheelchair, well, the docs MUST know this and he likely may need to include some time in a psychiatric hospital to help him with all of this. I know he hates psychiatrists, etc.... but better he hate them and still need to go to one than to have him leave his children fatherless. You need to talk Occupational Therapist (OT) his wife and get some idea of his mental state to see if he is really thinking about suicide then he MUST be evalutaed ASAP - if nothing else those kids NEED their dad. Whatever works out as far as his body, it CAN be managed if his head/emotions are treated while his body is recovering. Giving up is what will make him stay in that wheelchair. I remember how determined he was to do what he wanted to do, and how charming and charismatic he was when I visited you. Even in a wheelchair he has those things and can use them to build a great life if he can get past the depression and use those to his advantage and not to get away with things that will only end up hurting him. Please let him know, if he remembers me in any reasonable way, that I am sorry he is so injured, that I have been through serious spinal problems and health issues since age 14 and that I truly, honestly believe he has what it takes to build a good life for his family whether he is in a wheelchair or not. many hugs to all of you. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Worried about young difficult child...
Top