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Would you do this for your difficult child?
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<blockquote data-quote="welcometowitsend" data-source="post: 561260" data-attributes="member: 14356"><p>Thank you so much for your responses. </p><p></p><p>I texted difficult child this morning (I pay for his cell phone on the condition that he keeps in touch with me) and clarified that he did want us to sell the dirtbike for him. Yes, he does. OK. When I was talking to him yesterday we were discussing apartment hunting and I said I'd seen some apartments on kijiji (like Craig's list). He asked if I could email them to him so I did. When I texted him this morning he said he didn't have internet access to check his emails last night. Might be true might not. He lies constantly. Regardless - I gave him some leads and now it's up to him to follow them if he wants to. </p><p></p><p>He has to find an apartment and hopefully a roommate before social services will give him any rent money. He does have a part time job and said he's going to ask for overnight shifts on weekends so he can make more money. If he can get two overnights and a couple of shifts during the week he should be able to make $1000 a month. His rent will probably be half that. I believe social services will claw back $$ depending on how much he makes but I'm not sure how much it is. If they claw it all back his budget will be very tight. If he was making a real effort and needed a bit of help his Dad and I would be willing to help. I'd buy him clothes for birthday and Christmas, some food sometimes and dental. Being Canadian his doctors/hospitals are covered and with such a low income he'd qualify for free medication as well - if not I'd pay for his medications because I DO NOT want him going off his medication.</p><p></p><p>I did take him to sell his video games etc. at the pawn shop because you have to be 18 to do that. He got $150 and was disappointed because he figured his stuff was worth $300 - Lesson #1. </p><p></p><p>On a positive he said he made a promise to himself to go to class - on a negative the school called today to say he skipped 1st period. Ugh. But he is on his own and making his own choices and I have decided not to say anything about it - doesn't do any good anyway. </p><p></p><p>He also said he's excited to possibly get his own place and I will be excited for him too. Well, as excited as I can be knowing how tough it's going to be on him. I told him that we'd help him move and give him some furniture - although I think he'll end up with just a room/shared accommodation because he can't afford an actual apartment without at least one roommate.</p><p></p><p>In some ways he is incredibly immature and in other ways he is very smart and capable. If he could overcome the immaturity, the laziness and the complete rejection of responsibility he'd be great! </p><p></p><p>Thank you so much for helping me think through all of this. It has helped a lot. I think I'll take a small step back and see what he does from here. It will be tricky to find a balance of coaching and helping appropriately versus enabling him to continue his poor behaviour and lack of responsibility by helping too much. I imagine I'll make a lot of mistakes before we get through this. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="welcometowitsend, post: 561260, member: 14356"] Thank you so much for your responses. I texted difficult child this morning (I pay for his cell phone on the condition that he keeps in touch with me) and clarified that he did want us to sell the dirtbike for him. Yes, he does. OK. When I was talking to him yesterday we were discussing apartment hunting and I said I'd seen some apartments on kijiji (like Craig's list). He asked if I could email them to him so I did. When I texted him this morning he said he didn't have internet access to check his emails last night. Might be true might not. He lies constantly. Regardless - I gave him some leads and now it's up to him to follow them if he wants to. He has to find an apartment and hopefully a roommate before social services will give him any rent money. He does have a part time job and said he's going to ask for overnight shifts on weekends so he can make more money. If he can get two overnights and a couple of shifts during the week he should be able to make $1000 a month. His rent will probably be half that. I believe social services will claw back $$ depending on how much he makes but I'm not sure how much it is. If they claw it all back his budget will be very tight. If he was making a real effort and needed a bit of help his Dad and I would be willing to help. I'd buy him clothes for birthday and Christmas, some food sometimes and dental. Being Canadian his doctors/hospitals are covered and with such a low income he'd qualify for free medication as well - if not I'd pay for his medications because I DO NOT want him going off his medication. I did take him to sell his video games etc. at the pawn shop because you have to be 18 to do that. He got $150 and was disappointed because he figured his stuff was worth $300 - Lesson #1. On a positive he said he made a promise to himself to go to class - on a negative the school called today to say he skipped 1st period. Ugh. But he is on his own and making his own choices and I have decided not to say anything about it - doesn't do any good anyway. He also said he's excited to possibly get his own place and I will be excited for him too. Well, as excited as I can be knowing how tough it's going to be on him. I told him that we'd help him move and give him some furniture - although I think he'll end up with just a room/shared accommodation because he can't afford an actual apartment without at least one roommate. In some ways he is incredibly immature and in other ways he is very smart and capable. If he could overcome the immaturity, the laziness and the complete rejection of responsibility he'd be great! Thank you so much for helping me think through all of this. It has helped a lot. I think I'll take a small step back and see what he does from here. It will be tricky to find a balance of coaching and helping appropriately versus enabling him to continue his poor behaviour and lack of responsibility by helping too much. I imagine I'll make a lot of mistakes before we get through this. :) [/QUOTE]
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