Thanks for the support and advice. It has been very helpful and is appreciated more than I can say.
As to splitting the difference, actually wife already gave difficult child a break on December's rent and an old debt to us which amounted to $150 that difficult child could have saved towards the fee, but instead spent on Christmas presents. I was opposed to that too but not so exercised about it because since although difficult child spent the money elsewhere, it was done selflessly. Still, that makes giving her the whole amount now even worse.
Anyway, I had a talk with difficult child. I said, "First off, I don't hate you." She was very surprised that wife had said that. She said she knew I didnt hate her. She said that she didn't make enough money to pay us rent and save up for the fee too, but that she told wife that she totally understood that she had broken trust so many times in the past and she didn't blame me for wanting to be cautious.
I said that while being worried that she would again spend the money elsewhere was a concern, it was not the main one. I said that we need to keep in mind the ultimate goal of her being self-sufficient, and that a big part of that was setting priorities -- when you have a big obligation to meet you don't spend all your cash on expensive coffee drinks and cigarettes and then cry poor and let mom pay the bill. As to her not having enough earning power, I said OK, what can you do about that, besides cutting down on the frivolous spending? I said that if she decided to, for instance, take some classes to increase her earning potential, and asked for help with tuition, that would be completely different and I'd have no objection to helping out if I saw her doing her part. She listened attentively and thanked me sweetly. Of course, it's easier to sit through a dad lecture and say the right things after mom already paid the bill, but still, it's progress.
So, I reported the whole conversation to wife, who remained tight-lipped. I think she understood where I'm coming from, but she didn't take back the "you hate her" comment. On the other hand she didn't yell or make any new accusations. Maybe, since she got her way, she'll mellow out in a day or two.
Once again, thanks for listening and commenting. :salute:
