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Substance Abuse
Your house/your rules -How to stop 17 yo from using pot in house?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 706232" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>It is.</p><p></p><p>I for one have trouble de-escalating, even when my son looks like he is laying down his arms and making attempts to cede. In retrospect wish I had not contributed to this war mentality.</p><p></p><p>I think you are at a point Percy where you might think about consolidating your gains, and think about how you want to define "victory."</p><p></p><p>In the time you have been here on the forum I think your definition has changed. Your focus seems less upon changing your son's behaviors and more to asserting your own voice in terms of protecting your home, family and children, generally. In this you have one hundred percent control. In this you have been 100 percent successful. I think it may be time to re-assess what is next.</p><p></p><p>Your authority and legitimacy has been restored, and redefined as <em>your voice.</em> You may not ultimately be able to control his behavior, but you can keep reasserting your rules, your voice by continuing to remove all drugs and drug-related items, restating your rules, as you do so. Ad infinitum. In this you maintain your rules, whatever he chooses to do.</p><p></p><p>If you want you can think about if there is anything that you can effectively do to get him accurately drug tested. You can think through if there is anyway that you can get him evaluated for mental illness in these 3 months you have left to assert authority.</p><p></p><p>When you described the latest incident you described his behavior as being decompensated. Should this happen again you might consider calling the crisis unit of your county mental health department, for him to be evaluated. While the effects might be concerning to you, the message, I think, is this: self-control is required by adults, even more if you are angry. That is my expectation for you in this home and with your family. To the extent that you are unwilling to maintain control this will be defined as problematic. Your problem.</p><p></p><p>You by your own conduct demonstrate this capacity and value over and over again. Perhaps this is what angers him to such a degree.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 706232, member: 18958"] It is. I for one have trouble de-escalating, even when my son looks like he is laying down his arms and making attempts to cede. In retrospect wish I had not contributed to this war mentality. I think you are at a point Percy where you might think about consolidating your gains, and think about how you want to define "victory." In the time you have been here on the forum I think your definition has changed. Your focus seems less upon changing your son's behaviors and more to asserting your own voice in terms of protecting your home, family and children, generally. In this you have one hundred percent control. In this you have been 100 percent successful. I think it may be time to re-assess what is next. Your authority and legitimacy has been restored, and redefined as [I]your voice.[/I] You may not ultimately be able to control his behavior, but you can keep reasserting your rules, your voice by continuing to remove all drugs and drug-related items, restating your rules, as you do so. Ad infinitum. In this you maintain your rules, whatever he chooses to do. If you want you can think about if there is anything that you can effectively do to get him accurately drug tested. You can think through if there is anyway that you can get him evaluated for mental illness in these 3 months you have left to assert authority. When you described the latest incident you described his behavior as being decompensated. Should this happen again you might consider calling the crisis unit of your county mental health department, for him to be evaluated. While the effects might be concerning to you, the message, I think, is this: self-control is required by adults, even more if you are angry. That is my expectation for you in this home and with your family. To the extent that you are unwilling to maintain control this will be defined as problematic. Your problem. You by your own conduct demonstrate this capacity and value over and over again. Perhaps this is what angers him to such a degree. [/QUOTE]
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Your house/your rules -How to stop 17 yo from using pot in house?
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