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Your house/your rules -How to stop 17 yo from using pot in house?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 707094" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Stepmomma, You would probably get more help if you started a new thread of your own. More people would see it and respond. If your son is regularly using pot, please take his car keys. He is likely using a deadly weapon while intoxicated and this is incredibly dangerous. Using a vehicle while intoxicated will get him and others killed. He can walk to wherever he needs to go (even a few miles walking won't hurt him!) or he can ride a bicycle. Those won't get some poor innocent other person killed.</p><p></p><p>You are doing the right things to get him to make changes. Just don't give back his privileges until you see real changes. Also know that at 19 he is a legal adult and you can evict him. You may have to do it legally, through the court, but if he chooses to not straighten up, it is an option.</p><p></p><p>Percy, it really seems that your son is getting scared. He sees he is losing control over you as you are more calm as you confront him. That is why he is going on these tirades and decompensating. He just doesn't know what to do and he isn't getting what he wants. I think he may realize on some level that you are about done putting up with this and he will be old enough to evict very soon and then what will he do? </p><p></p><p>I hope you do evict him at 18. Please give him notice when he is 30 days short of 18 that he cannot stay in your home past his 18th birthday. His verbal abuse is just going to get worse and it IS impacting the other children because it is impacting You and Mr. Percy. Having their parents be so tense and upset is a big deal to kids. Kids miss NOTHING. Absolutely nothing gets past them and they KNOW that you and Mr. P are really upset and that their brother is making really bad choices and you cannot stop him. If you allow him to stay past the point that you legally have to, then you are sending a really mixed message that is bad. </p><p></p><p>I grew up with a brother with a serious case of ODD. ANY discussion between my father and brother, over almost any topic, would generally end up in a fight. It did not matter if my brother didn't know a single fact, if he was arguing that the sky was green and the grass was purple, he would argue it simply because it was the opposite of what my dad was saying. My dad would try to walk away or change the subject and my brother would follow him. Your younger kids are not likely to tell you the entire extent of how this is impacting them until after brother is out of the home for a while. This is partly because they remember the good times and would feel guilty and disloyal for saying bad things, and partly because they don't fully realize how the stress is affecting them. </p><p></p><p>You are doing a great job by being calm in the face of his outbursts. That is exactly the right way to handle him. If you yell back at him, it doesn't do anything except add fuel to the fire. By staying calm and simply stating what you expect, what IS, you are doing exactly what he does not want - you are IN CONTROL, he is NOT. </p><p></p><p>I am sorry you have to continue to handle this for a couple more months. I hope that in time he will see the impact his pot use is having on his life. I had a friend who almost destroyed her life with pot. It wrecked friendships, a good job that she really liked, and she even ended up moving after she trashed 3 apartments and no one in our entire town would rent to her after that. It took a few years, but she came around, saw that it really had caused her to act in ways she would not have acted, she apologized, made serious amends, rebuilt her life and now is married with 2 beautiful daughters and a wonderful life. But back when her life was imploding? Lots of us wondered what her future would hold. And she did a few other drugs once or twice, but mostly only smoked pot.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 707094, member: 1233"] Stepmomma, You would probably get more help if you started a new thread of your own. More people would see it and respond. If your son is regularly using pot, please take his car keys. He is likely using a deadly weapon while intoxicated and this is incredibly dangerous. Using a vehicle while intoxicated will get him and others killed. He can walk to wherever he needs to go (even a few miles walking won't hurt him!) or he can ride a bicycle. Those won't get some poor innocent other person killed. You are doing the right things to get him to make changes. Just don't give back his privileges until you see real changes. Also know that at 19 he is a legal adult and you can evict him. You may have to do it legally, through the court, but if he chooses to not straighten up, it is an option. Percy, it really seems that your son is getting scared. He sees he is losing control over you as you are more calm as you confront him. That is why he is going on these tirades and decompensating. He just doesn't know what to do and he isn't getting what he wants. I think he may realize on some level that you are about done putting up with this and he will be old enough to evict very soon and then what will he do? I hope you do evict him at 18. Please give him notice when he is 30 days short of 18 that he cannot stay in your home past his 18th birthday. His verbal abuse is just going to get worse and it IS impacting the other children because it is impacting You and Mr. Percy. Having their parents be so tense and upset is a big deal to kids. Kids miss NOTHING. Absolutely nothing gets past them and they KNOW that you and Mr. P are really upset and that their brother is making really bad choices and you cannot stop him. If you allow him to stay past the point that you legally have to, then you are sending a really mixed message that is bad. I grew up with a brother with a serious case of ODD. ANY discussion between my father and brother, over almost any topic, would generally end up in a fight. It did not matter if my brother didn't know a single fact, if he was arguing that the sky was green and the grass was purple, he would argue it simply because it was the opposite of what my dad was saying. My dad would try to walk away or change the subject and my brother would follow him. Your younger kids are not likely to tell you the entire extent of how this is impacting them until after brother is out of the home for a while. This is partly because they remember the good times and would feel guilty and disloyal for saying bad things, and partly because they don't fully realize how the stress is affecting them. You are doing a great job by being calm in the face of his outbursts. That is exactly the right way to handle him. If you yell back at him, it doesn't do anything except add fuel to the fire. By staying calm and simply stating what you expect, what IS, you are doing exactly what he does not want - you are IN CONTROL, he is NOT. I am sorry you have to continue to handle this for a couple more months. I hope that in time he will see the impact his pot use is having on his life. I had a friend who almost destroyed her life with pot. It wrecked friendships, a good job that she really liked, and she even ended up moving after she trashed 3 apartments and no one in our entire town would rent to her after that. It took a few years, but she came around, saw that it really had caused her to act in ways she would not have acted, she apologized, made serious amends, rebuilt her life and now is married with 2 beautiful daughters and a wonderful life. But back when her life was imploding? Lots of us wondered what her future would hold. And she did a few other drugs once or twice, but mostly only smoked pot. [/QUOTE]
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