19 yr old and marijuana use

[Exhausted sad mom]

I just posted a poem (if you can call it that) about addiction on this forum. It is very enlightening.

That is the difference between partying a little and what OUR kids (adult children) are doing. If they were partying a little we would not be here.

Addiction is the evil that changes everything and yes, it is a disease.

I just read it and I cant stop crying ...that is so beautiful ...true....sad and emotional all in one ..thank you !!

 

[RN0441]

I thought it was right on point based on my personal experience.

 

[Exhausted sad mom]

My son is showing so many signs of depression...his social media is now terrible with posts of his marijuana use and his middle finger. He does not talk to any of our family at all. Just his friends in the same pattern. I see such a sadness in him. I text him...would you like to get lunch...dinner...just the same response ..I'm busy. I've heard rumors he may be selling marijuana but his Dad took away his car. Then finding out he has abused Xanax. I'm so up and down. I am trying my best to stay busy and pray for him to hit his rock bottom. I'm so afraid I'm going to lose him. Thank you for letting me vent so much here.

 

[Growing]

Same son, just 20 years old. Does okay at holding a paying job, wastes time watching ridiculous videos meets with friends to smoke pot , no real drive. Some low grade legal trouble It's just so sad such a waste of a totally brilliant young man.

same here. my son is 21 years old.

 

[Growing]

You didn't do this. Unfortunately like everyone says, we must realize we do not have total control over their choices.

My son is 21 years old and I found out he has been smoking weed since he was a sophomore in high school. I've decided that although marijuana may not be as "bad" as other drugs and plenty of people indulge in smoking it from time to time with no problems - it is a problem for my son. Since he was 18 and went away to college and got the freedom to be unsupervised and smoke as much as he wants, he abuses it. And I can't deny that he seems less resilient, more anxious, and is always broke despite living at home with no rent or utility bill and having a part-time job in which he makes about $1,200 month. I can't imagine having $1,200 a month of disposable income with no bills except cheap car insurance and parking tickets. Can you imagine? He does not smoke in the house, he smokes on our deck outside. But I've decided that we need to be honest with the fact that we don't want him smoking anywhere on our property. I honestly feel like stating, "In order to continue living here - you must stop smoking marijuana"

Because I believe that marijuana is the reason he lost the ability to tolerate emotional distress and to succeed in college. So that means if he asks us for any money for any reason we are to say no and I wonder what you guys think about us kicking him out?

 

[Growing]

Wow! Hang in there Momma!

 

[Growing]

Thank you all for your comments....listening to everyone's struggles..although I wish none of you were, is rather comforting. I talked to my son today and I'm not sure what to make of it....but getting high is his escape from his own fears...lack of confidence ...his girlfriend dumping him...anxiety...and more. He told me getting high keeps him numb. I got upset offered to set up counseling ....go to the doctors with him ....but quickly corrected myself that he has to want help for him...that i cant do it for him....He sounded terrible...I told him I loved him...he repeated it back. Saying extra prayers tonight.

I can relate. I need help preparing what and how to exactly state new boundaries with weed addicted 21 year old son.

 

[CareTooMuch]

You didn't do this. Unfortunately like everyone says, we must realize we do not have total control over their choices.

My son is 21 years old and I found out he has been smoking weed since he was a sophomore in high school. I've decided that although marijuana may not be as "bad" as other drugs and plenty of people indulge in smoking it from time to time with no problems - it is a problem for my son. Since he was 18 and went away to college and got the freedom to be unsupervised and smoke as much as he wants, he abuses it. And I can't deny that he seems less resilient, more anxious, and is always broke despite living at home with no rent or utility bill and having a part-time job in which he makes about $1,200 month. I can't imagine having $1,200 a month of disposable income with no bills except cheap car insurance and parking tickets. Can you imagine? He does not smoke in the house, he smokes on our deck outside. But I've decided that we need to be honest with the fact that we don't want him smoking anywhere on our property. I honestly feel like stating, "In order to continue living here - you must stop smoking marijuana"

Because I believe that marijuana is the reason he lost the ability to tolerate emotional distress and to succeed in college. So that means if he asks us for any money for any reason we are to say no and I wonder what you guys think about us kicking him out?

Yep, same son. We had our son leave several times last year and finally decided after some family related issues that he could stay home for a while. We don't pay for anything and he is responsible for any legal trouble. It totally hurt our hearts to think of him being homeless. So.. he's still living at home, works part time and goes to an amazing therapist once a week. Maybe he'll mature with some extra time, maybe not. This will not go on forever though.

 

[sadmom7058]

Hi,

This is the first time I have used a forum like this. I have a 19 year old son that started smoking marijuana years ago and I've tried everything in my power to contain it and the effects it was having on him. He barely graduated high school ...he has 3 brothers who have all moved out and started careers and families and at times ( thru the teenage years ) I struggled with them too but never to this degree. He is not close with any of them. He moved in with his Dad when he was 18 (which killed me) because he despised me and my rules. His father is in law enforcement and after a year of the same similiar struggles ...he threw him out twice ..my son left there and is now living with a friends mom ...I've never met her...with no car. His Dad kept the car because he found marijuana in it and it's registered in his name...as I said he is a police officer. I am not naive to marijuana in today's day in age ..it is everywhere and maybe if my son had just dabbled in it here and there....I could understand more. But it changed him...he puts it all over social media. And he told me he does not fit in with our family and wants to be left alone to live his life how he wants to live it. He said I just don't want to be a part of this family anymore. We have no legal means to him as he is 19. What do I do ? I feel like a total failure of a mom. I just can't get it together. I have offered counseling ...I've tried everything. He said marijuana makes him feel better and it's his life to live. He works at a warehouse and had been fired from 4 jobs. He has terrible friends. I don't even know who he is anymore. Thank you in advance for any advice.

 

[sadmom7058]

Hi exhausted Mom,
I came across this site today looking for some answers for my troubled son. Your story as many others hit home. Here is my story... I too have a son who is 21 years old that we have been struggling to help for several years. I also have a daughter with Cerebral Palsey(20) and another daughter(19) that is in her Freshman year of College. He has always had a self-esteem issue due to his height, lack of social skills and eventually acne in high school. He has always been a kind, bright handsome young man, but his personality has changed drastically over the last several years. Started working at 14 and worked 30 plus hours making good money in high school. Not exactly sure when he started smoking weed but I'm thinking around 15/16. When we found out we sent him to a counselor and honestly didn't know how to handle it. We were shocked and didn't probably react well, we were so naïve and unprepared for something like this. His pot smoking progressed and he has become a master manipulator. Graduated early December '16, and moved out saying he wanted to go to college. We signed him up for college and paid for both classes and apartment hoping things had changed as he made us believe. 3 months later he fesses up that he hadn't attended a single class so we cut him off. He worked for awhile, but eventually ended back at home. This is when we really noticed a change in his personality. He talks very strange and calls it his personal development. Watches odd videos on a website called actualized.org that promote psychedelics and moving away from normal society beliefs. After a short time I realized that he had also been experimenting with acid and Xanax. After a few months we sent him to rehab for a month. 2 weeks after being home he was back hanging with his "friends' doing the same crap. My husband finally had enough of the lies and bs after a few months and kicked him out. That lasted 6 months before he lost his job and had no means to support himself. This after being arrested for possession of a controlled substance(Xanax) October 2017.We hired an attorney and he got a deferred judgement. 2 months later Feb 2018 he was arrested again for DUI and possession. We got him a lawyer if he agreed to go to a dual diagnosis facility for mental health and substance abuse. He came home this May(18), on various medications for depression and eventually started seeing a therapist. He has no "real" friends that I know of and has such social anxiety that it's hard for him to meet new people, and has never had a girlfriend to my knowledge. In July he violated his probation and got arrested for public intox. We again hired him an attorney and were waiting to see if he would lose his deferred judgements. He Started working full time in August and I really thought things were going to get better. We had gotten his acne under control and I thought I was seeing progress with his self-esteem. My mistake was having hope. He just recently got his license back He has in the last month stopped taking his antidepressants, started drinking heavily again, staying out late and this week supposedly started smoking pot again. He is on probation with 2 deferred judgements he is at risk of losing next week and he decided to text to inform his PO that he smoked pot last week. He has court this coming Thursday, saying prayers but thinking maybe he needs to face the consequences as much as it kills me. He is so bright, and has so much potential. This has been exhausting and financially draining several years. I don't have many friends anymore, this has completely consumed my life and the life of our family. I hope my story helps others and would love any advice. So heartbroken.

 

[Exhausted sad mom]

Again thank you for ALL the responses....advice and your stories. So glad I joined this group. I see so many of us struggling as parents. We need hope. I was wondering if some success stories could be shared and how your son/daughter got there. I could really use some uplifting right now as I am sure we all could.

 

[albertmort]

We all used to be like this and experimenting with different stuff. I also tried weed for the first time when I was 19. After 2 years, I realized that I didn't wanna be like this and went cold turkey for it.

 

[Genos]

It’s heartbreaking, especially when it feels like there's nothing you can do to change it.

 

[Genos]

It’s heartbreaking, especially when it feels like there's nothing you can do to change it.

Some people really do find their way once they’re left to make their own choices without pressure. For those who still want a connection to THC but in a more controlled way, I’ve even seen folks turn to thc weed gummies instead of smoking, as it feels more balanced and manageable.