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Parent Emeritus
23yo unmedicated daughter wants to move back home.
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 731882" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome.</p><p></p><p>Without medication compliance, you know the outcome. Promises at this stage will likely produce the same results. As parents, we are often faced with this decision....however, unless significant change has taken place in our adult kids, you will likely be facing the exact same scenario you had before.</p><p></p><p>The definition of insanity is: "Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." A good one for us to remember.</p><p></p><p>You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here, to offer you a different perspective and also perhaps some guidance. NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness can be accessed online, you may want to contact them. They offer excellent courses for parents and have a help line open from M-F where you might receive some guidance. A good resource book is Codependent no More by Melodie Beattie.</p><p></p><p>Once you begin the absolutely necessary boundaries around your daughter's behaviors, choices and lifestyle, she may react badly with accusations, blame, manipulations...... whatever her form of emotional blackmail is. That is a common reaction to our boundary setting.</p><p></p><p>In order to make any lasting significant changes, they'll need to be made by you. You are the one who will need to set strong boundaries, most often our kids are content with the level of care we provide (enabling), so there is no reason for them to change. However, YOU are the one impacted by the skewered thinking, the never ending drama, the manipulations......you are the one whose life is trampled on by your daughters behaviors.</p><p></p><p>We can only do what our hearts can bear........remember that you matter too, your desires matter, the peace in your home matters, your desires for a sanctuary matters, YOU MATTER. Dig in to discover what it is you are willing to do and what you are not......make sure your priority is YOU.....keep yourself well supported.....continue to post......this stuff is hard, but boundaries will set you free. I've learned to keep my responses short with no room for argument. A simple, "I'm sorry, I cannot meet your request at this time. I love you and I trust that you will figure this out." When we are in doubt with our decision, we tend to keep talking to convince the other of the validity of our choice......however, in my experience, often when dealing with mentally ill folks who have a strong tendency towards serious manipulation, blame and intense drama, the shortest NO you can muster without justifications or reasons, works best.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there, you're not alone. We get it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 731882, member: 13542"] Welcome. Without medication compliance, you know the outcome. Promises at this stage will likely produce the same results. As parents, we are often faced with this decision....however, unless significant change has taken place in our adult kids, you will likely be facing the exact same scenario you had before. The definition of insanity is: "Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." A good one for us to remember. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here, to offer you a different perspective and also perhaps some guidance. NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness can be accessed online, you may want to contact them. They offer excellent courses for parents and have a help line open from M-F where you might receive some guidance. A good resource book is Codependent no More by Melodie Beattie. Once you begin the absolutely necessary boundaries around your daughter's behaviors, choices and lifestyle, she may react badly with accusations, blame, manipulations...... whatever her form of emotional blackmail is. That is a common reaction to our boundary setting. In order to make any lasting significant changes, they'll need to be made by you. You are the one who will need to set strong boundaries, most often our kids are content with the level of care we provide (enabling), so there is no reason for them to change. However, YOU are the one impacted by the skewered thinking, the never ending drama, the manipulations......you are the one whose life is trampled on by your daughters behaviors. We can only do what our hearts can bear........remember that you matter too, your desires matter, the peace in your home matters, your desires for a sanctuary matters, YOU MATTER. Dig in to discover what it is you are willing to do and what you are not......make sure your priority is YOU.....keep yourself well supported.....continue to post......this stuff is hard, but boundaries will set you free. I've learned to keep my responses short with no room for argument. A simple, "I'm sorry, I cannot meet your request at this time. I love you and I trust that you will figure this out." When we are in doubt with our decision, we tend to keep talking to convince the other of the validity of our choice......however, in my experience, often when dealing with mentally ill folks who have a strong tendency towards serious manipulation, blame and intense drama, the shortest NO you can muster without justifications or reasons, works best. Hang in there, you're not alone. We get it. [/QUOTE]
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