BusynMember
Well-Known Member
I have a possible health scare and, even though I was told it is not life threatening, it is not something I am looking forward to going through as it requires surgery. Blaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
I decided not to tell my kids yet. Yes, I'm protecting them, but I don't want them to worry before the fact. But 37 called me right after I stepped through the door after having spent the day having two mammos, an ultrasound, a sonogram and a biopsy and I was tired and vulnerable.
As usual he started babbling nonstop about himself and his life, which is his mo. I couldn't take it at the time. I had a catch in my voice as I told him, "Please, listen to me. I just can't listen right now. I found out I may have that cancer in situ in my other breast and they also biopsied a lymph node...I am not in good shape at the moment as I will need surgery..." He was totally quiet while I vented to him. Then he asked, with real concern, "Oh, mom, are you going to be ok? CANCER?"
I told him it was early stage and I had it sixteen years ago in the other breast too and it was highly treatable. I was so vulnerable I talked about my boob, which he usually doesn't want to hear about...lol. I told him I had a masectomy and that had solved the problem back then and I was all set to do it again this time. I also assured him that a simple masectomy heals well and fast.
He said, "I don't remember you had surgery sixteen years ago."
I said, "I didn't let on much. You knew, but you were a teen and very busy and I was ok very quickly." By now I was almost smiling.
But he went on. "But cancer? Mom, you have got to tell me the results as soon as you know."
Me: Honey, I won't know the results until Tuesday.
Him: Well, that won't stop me from worrying.
Me: Don't worry. I'm sorry I told you.
Him: No, I'm glad you did. You know I'll be there for you, right?
Me: Oh, honey, of course I do. Thank you.
Him: So let me know as soon as you know. Now I'm going to worry all weekend.
We ended the conversation.
This may just sound like any old conversation with your adult child, but it's not. 37 almost never expresses worry about anyone except himself and his son, who I know he loves dearly. I mean, I knew he needed me. But I didn't know he cared about my well being. Oh, yes, the final shock.
Before I hung up I said, "I love you, M."
And he said, "I love you too, Mom."
This is not something I get from him very often.
I often wondered if 37 had antisocial personality disorder because he can seem so cold. Of late, since I laid down the law on how he can speak to me over t he phone, I have seen another side to him. He is not faking his love for his son. Without his anger taking over in our conversations, I hear his feelings and emotions and he is not cold-hearted...his social skills just sock to high heaven. I am very aware that he has issues, but he has gotten better. The only time he is really verbally aggressive is when he is under intense stress, like during the custody battle with his ex over their son. He was really unreasonable at the time. And his fear of the custody outcome had him saying horrible things to everyone, which I haven't forgotten. Forgiven, yes. Understand, yes. Forgotten, well, you don't forget things like he said even if they were BS.
At any rate, I just wanted to share this. It meant a lot to me. I don't know what it really means, but it did tug at my heart.
I decided not to tell my kids yet. Yes, I'm protecting them, but I don't want them to worry before the fact. But 37 called me right after I stepped through the door after having spent the day having two mammos, an ultrasound, a sonogram and a biopsy and I was tired and vulnerable.
As usual he started babbling nonstop about himself and his life, which is his mo. I couldn't take it at the time. I had a catch in my voice as I told him, "Please, listen to me. I just can't listen right now. I found out I may have that cancer in situ in my other breast and they also biopsied a lymph node...I am not in good shape at the moment as I will need surgery..." He was totally quiet while I vented to him. Then he asked, with real concern, "Oh, mom, are you going to be ok? CANCER?"
I told him it was early stage and I had it sixteen years ago in the other breast too and it was highly treatable. I was so vulnerable I talked about my boob, which he usually doesn't want to hear about...lol. I told him I had a masectomy and that had solved the problem back then and I was all set to do it again this time. I also assured him that a simple masectomy heals well and fast.
He said, "I don't remember you had surgery sixteen years ago."
I said, "I didn't let on much. You knew, but you were a teen and very busy and I was ok very quickly." By now I was almost smiling.
But he went on. "But cancer? Mom, you have got to tell me the results as soon as you know."
Me: Honey, I won't know the results until Tuesday.
Him: Well, that won't stop me from worrying.
Me: Don't worry. I'm sorry I told you.
Him: No, I'm glad you did. You know I'll be there for you, right?
Me: Oh, honey, of course I do. Thank you.
Him: So let me know as soon as you know. Now I'm going to worry all weekend.
We ended the conversation.
This may just sound like any old conversation with your adult child, but it's not. 37 almost never expresses worry about anyone except himself and his son, who I know he loves dearly. I mean, I knew he needed me. But I didn't know he cared about my well being. Oh, yes, the final shock.
Before I hung up I said, "I love you, M."
And he said, "I love you too, Mom."
This is not something I get from him very often.
I often wondered if 37 had antisocial personality disorder because he can seem so cold. Of late, since I laid down the law on how he can speak to me over t he phone, I have seen another side to him. He is not faking his love for his son. Without his anger taking over in our conversations, I hear his feelings and emotions and he is not cold-hearted...his social skills just sock to high heaven. I am very aware that he has issues, but he has gotten better. The only time he is really verbally aggressive is when he is under intense stress, like during the custody battle with his ex over their son. He was really unreasonable at the time. And his fear of the custody outcome had him saying horrible things to everyone, which I haven't forgotten. Forgiven, yes. Understand, yes. Forgotten, well, you don't forget things like he said even if they were BS.
At any rate, I just wanted to share this. It meant a lot to me. I don't know what it really means, but it did tug at my heart.
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out of themselves they don't have the skills to recover from it.
