What to say? Or should I say anything at all?

[LetGo]

I’m sorry Blighty. I’m having trouble following your family situation. Can you explain more.

Today I had lunch with my daughter and granddaughter. I read to her the correspondence between me and her brother and asked her for her thoughts. She said, “The squeaky wheel gets the grease.”
I began to weep.

Not because of her brother but because for most of her childhood her brothers got most of my attention since she was the good girl. I apologized to her today through my tears. She said it’s okay mom. I learned to be independent this way.

God help me. I told her so many days I should have taken her by the hand and left the house with her to go to the park and left her brothers at home to destroy each other.

How I wish I could go back sometimes and have a do over. My daughter has such a sweet strong soul. I don’t deserve her.
Hopefully I keep making the effort to get closer with her now. God knows she deserves it. by the way she struggles with believing in God. Sad.

LMS

LMS, I hear your pain about your sons getting the attention while your daughter seems like she was quietly in the background. I agree with CopaBanana...you do deserve your daughter and she deserves you. This is your time...

 

[LetGo]

LMS you said that you realise your family now is your daughter, 2 oldest grandkids and Husband. Truth! I'm saying cherish them and focus on them.

My sibling is the avoidant, absent, withholding, controlling one first to my late Mom who had a serious life limiting illness, and now to my elderly Dad ( and me). To be honest I'm glad that I don't have to walk on eggshells around them anymore because they chose not to have contact anymore (long story) or until they choose otherwise.

It really annoys me when my Dad says, have I heard from them? By their very absence they still get my Dad's wistful attention. I really resent that. Of course I understand Dad's feelings and it's very complicated, but it feels like they have a trump card over him. (guilt)

Hi Blighty, Boy, can I relate to you. Sometimes people in our own families can be so stifling and we have to walk on eggshells. I am so much better off not having to deal with those particular people. Your Dad may have some sadness and guilt and that's why he asks if you have heard from them. BUT he knows you are the one there with him. Hang in there!

 

[lovemysons]

Thank you Copa.

Love you,
LMS

 

[lovemysons]

Letgo…yes my daughter was always the good girl and did not get the attention from me she rightly deserved. It was all about her brother's antics.

Gratefully my husband stepped in when I lost my mind. He coached our daughter in bowling and helped her to go on to get a full ride bowling scholarship in college.
Our daughter respects her dad a lot. And he deserves it. Now I need to earn my daughter’s respect by being a more active part of her life. It’s somewhat challenging since I live an hour and a half away in another state. I also am buying my fourth Australian Shepherd in 2 months and plan to breed.

But I will do my best to prioritize her now. She is very special.

Love,
LMS

 

[Fairy dust]

I agree with Copa. Yes you do deserve her. Her light will help you both heal! Hugs!

 

[lovemysons]

Thank you Fairy Dust. Hugs back to you and your loving heart.

 

[Dad34]

God didn’t make a mistake when he gave you your daughter. And you still have time to be more active in her life! That’s a comforting thought.

 

[lovemysons]

Dad…
My daughter was even born on Mother’s Day. Yes…she has always been my gift from God.

I’m so glad I still have time to help heal the pain from those lost years. I’m so glad her heart is still open to me.

Love,
LMS

 

[Kat9]

This is an old post. My son ditched me also and we were estranged when he became a pastor. He thought he was in the perfect family approved by God himself. Recently his wife left him and took all his money. He still had some side work but lost his pastor support because his organization doesn’t allow divorce, He is losing his home he was owing on since the kids were infants and they are grown now, he still owes a Ton on the house as little has gone on principal and he must give ex wife half equity. So basically he’s underemployed, financially deep in debt now and about to be homeless, all while raising a teen still at home. He called me up apologizing for hurting me all these years and that he was wrong. I forgave him and even paid he’s lawyer bill even though he didn’t ask, we now chat a few times a week and he texts real often in between. When we were estranged it hurt the whole time. But I was proud of them and I had to just be glad he succeeded. It hurts me now to see him suffer. So it’s not worth praying God humbles him. That is worse! If he is humbled pray it brings him back but causes no serious harm. We don’t own our children. They are entrusted to us til they are grown. They are supposed to leave the nest. It’s Biblical. But estrangement is not. Have you asked the reason why your estranged? Maybe your daughter knows or can aske him. At least it will give you a bit of closure. My son didn’t come back to me until his late 40’s. It takes them a long time to see they are wrong. It’s mainly caused by immaturity. So know that it probably does not have anything to do with anything you did. Mine was mainly estranged from brainwashed by his grandmother when I divorced his dad even though I took him on many vacations and six flags and lots of things to try to keep his heart as a child. Nothing helped really. Even as a child I was tole rated. He loved his Granny and didn’t seem to know he could love more than one person. So not pressure him. That will drive him away. Pray and wait. He’ll probably come back much later on when his kids grow up and out him through troubles or something. Like I said. It’s immaturity and bad religious teachings from his church and a spirit of religion as in pharIsees. I’ve been there.