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General Parenting
4 year old monster.... is it my fault?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 601180" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>The first answer to your question is it probably has nothing to do with you. He was probably born wired differently in his brain and has some sort of disorder that makes him so difficult (and confused and frustrated). The only way it could in any way be your fault is if you drank or did drugs while you were pregnant...that can affect kids and, if so, it's done so it doesn't matter anymore. He almost sounds like a child who has had a very chaotic early life and has maybe some attachment problems.</p><p></p><p> The trick is trying to get your young child evaluated by a group of specialists or a neuropsychologist to find out why he acts out the way he does. It is NOT due to lack of discipline. It is from something going on in his brain. Do you have any history on the biological father at all? Even though your son has never seen the man, he is 50% of your son's personality...DNA. Biology never leaves. It is always there. Do you know if his birth father had issues or mental illness in himself or any of his family? What about your family tree? These are clues as to w hat could be causing his inability to control himself. </p><p></p><p>Can you please give us some background information and tell us what type of infant/toddler he was. Did he have any delays? Does he still have delays? Did he have a VERY chaotic life when he was 0-3? Many different caregivers? You say it was only you. No months spent at grandmas and then back to you? No weeks in the care of an aunt or a friend? Did he get treated well by everyone in his world? No abuse?</p><p></p><p>How does your son do with changing from one activity to another? Can he do that without a meltdown? Does he cover his ears if the noise is too loud? Does he complain about his socks or the tags on his tee-shirts? Does he spit out certain food because of texture or taste? Does he ever repeat things you say or cartoons he's watched or movies? Does he like to watch the same things over and over again? Does he play correctly and imaginatively with toys? </p><p></p><p>Has he ever been evaluated at all? Seen even a counselor? </p><p></p><p>You say he had medical issues. Can you tell us what they were/are?</p><p></p><p>The more you share, the more we can help. Again, this is NOT your fault. Your child is different. The best way to help him and yourself is to find out what is going on and to get him early interventions. The earlier the better <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 601180, member: 1550"] The first answer to your question is it probably has nothing to do with you. He was probably born wired differently in his brain and has some sort of disorder that makes him so difficult (and confused and frustrated). The only way it could in any way be your fault is if you drank or did drugs while you were pregnant...that can affect kids and, if so, it's done so it doesn't matter anymore. He almost sounds like a child who has had a very chaotic early life and has maybe some attachment problems. The trick is trying to get your young child evaluated by a group of specialists or a neuropsychologist to find out why he acts out the way he does. It is NOT due to lack of discipline. It is from something going on in his brain. Do you have any history on the biological father at all? Even though your son has never seen the man, he is 50% of your son's personality...DNA. Biology never leaves. It is always there. Do you know if his birth father had issues or mental illness in himself or any of his family? What about your family tree? These are clues as to w hat could be causing his inability to control himself. Can you please give us some background information and tell us what type of infant/toddler he was. Did he have any delays? Does he still have delays? Did he have a VERY chaotic life when he was 0-3? Many different caregivers? You say it was only you. No months spent at grandmas and then back to you? No weeks in the care of an aunt or a friend? Did he get treated well by everyone in his world? No abuse? How does your son do with changing from one activity to another? Can he do that without a meltdown? Does he cover his ears if the noise is too loud? Does he complain about his socks or the tags on his tee-shirts? Does he spit out certain food because of texture or taste? Does he ever repeat things you say or cartoons he's watched or movies? Does he like to watch the same things over and over again? Does he play correctly and imaginatively with toys? Has he ever been evaluated at all? Seen even a counselor? You say he had medical issues. Can you tell us what they were/are? The more you share, the more we can help. Again, this is NOT your fault. Your child is different. The best way to help him and yourself is to find out what is going on and to get him early interventions. The earlier the better :) [/QUOTE]
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