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A few knotts in my neck
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 751729" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear JP</p><p></p><p>Oh no! I was not implying reconciliation. I was saying that by you putting good boundaries, you set up the condition that he can learn. He has by no means learned, yet. Your welfare is paramount. The learning here for us is to put in place what we need, and to learn to pay attention to what that might be. When we do that we set up the precondition for our children to learn self-control and to act from it. But that can't be our goal, primarily. Because I will speak for me here. My center was my son. I had no way to act for myself, centered in myself, when I came here. To act primarily from their point of view is to risk giving up ourselves.</p><p></p><p>But by the same token we are their mothers. I think by being unnecessarily reactive we put at risk ourselves and them. That's the other pole from complete enmeshing. Overreacting. I have done this. It cost me and my son a great deal. I regret it. Adequate boundaries, I am learning are what I need. Like Goldilocks. Isn't it Goldilocks. Isn't that who is not too this and not too that? I forget.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 751729, member: 18958"] Dear JP Oh no! I was not implying reconciliation. I was saying that by you putting good boundaries, you set up the condition that he can learn. He has by no means learned, yet. Your welfare is paramount. The learning here for us is to put in place what we need, and to learn to pay attention to what that might be. When we do that we set up the precondition for our children to learn self-control and to act from it. But that can't be our goal, primarily. Because I will speak for me here. My center was my son. I had no way to act for myself, centered in myself, when I came here. To act primarily from their point of view is to risk giving up ourselves. But by the same token we are their mothers. I think by being unnecessarily reactive we put at risk ourselves and them. That's the other pole from complete enmeshing. Overreacting. I have done this. It cost me and my son a great deal. I regret it. Adequate boundaries, I am learning are what I need. Like Goldilocks. Isn't it Goldilocks. Isn't that who is not too this and not too that? I forget. [/QUOTE]
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A few knotts in my neck
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