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A question about holidays
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 741731" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>This came up for us last Thanksgiving. We were invited to M's sister where there was an extended family gathering of M's family. My son came home. I told M I could not go unless my son was welcome to come with us. M decided that we not go and that we make a holiday at home (it was way better.)</p><p></p><p>Later he let it slip that my son was not welcome at his sister's because she had seen him on the street have an argument with somebody. M said that she feared the effects of drugs, because they have a brother who is profoundly disabled as a consequence of glue and paint sniffing.</p><p></p><p>This is how I feel: If it is a holiday like Christmas or Thanksgiving, I would not go anywhere that excluded my son. If he was in town I would not leave him alone. I would make the holiday with him, and I would feel very bad about going somewhere where he was excluded.</p><p></p><p>M's sister has 5 daughters. Two of them had serious drug problems. Four of these daughters are/were married to men who were serious, violent gang members, and trafficked in drugs. One of these men left her daughter for dead, after he beat her and starved her. Even still, the mother urged her daughter to not press charges. But my son is excluded. Her right. But that does not mean that I will participate.</p><p></p><p>Everybody has a right to decide who they want to be around and in their house. But I believe that as long as we are in relationship with our children, our loyalties are to them. I would not marginalize or exclude my son, no matter what invitation I received. I understand that this exclusion has to do with their conduct for which they are responsible. I also believe that there needs to be a way for them to find their way back home.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 741731, member: 18958"] This came up for us last Thanksgiving. We were invited to M's sister where there was an extended family gathering of M's family. My son came home. I told M I could not go unless my son was welcome to come with us. M decided that we not go and that we make a holiday at home (it was way better.) Later he let it slip that my son was not welcome at his sister's because she had seen him on the street have an argument with somebody. M said that she feared the effects of drugs, because they have a brother who is profoundly disabled as a consequence of glue and paint sniffing. This is how I feel: If it is a holiday like Christmas or Thanksgiving, I would not go anywhere that excluded my son. If he was in town I would not leave him alone. I would make the holiday with him, and I would feel very bad about going somewhere where he was excluded. M's sister has 5 daughters. Two of them had serious drug problems. Four of these daughters are/were married to men who were serious, violent gang members, and trafficked in drugs. One of these men left her daughter for dead, after he beat her and starved her. Even still, the mother urged her daughter to not press charges. But my son is excluded. Her right. But that does not mean that I will participate. Everybody has a right to decide who they want to be around and in their house. But I believe that as long as we are in relationship with our children, our loyalties are to them. I would not marginalize or exclude my son, no matter what invitation I received. I understand that this exclusion has to do with their conduct for which they are responsible. I also believe that there needs to be a way for them to find their way back home. [/QUOTE]
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