Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Almost made it through another.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Deni D" data-source="post: 754624" data-attributes="member: 22840"><p>Overwhelmed, as you can already tell, you have received invaluable support from those who have taken back their lives in these un-explainable trying times. I read here often, post infrequently. I'm not nearly as articulate as some of the people here but have gained so much from reading. I can't count the times someone has written something I have resonated with but have not been able to put into words until I read it here. </p><p></p><p></p><p>I've felt the same, and done the same, but feelings are not reality, they are our feelings, based on how we judge ourselves. </p><p></p><p></p><p>My son sends me email links to listen to on narcissistic parents. Have you noticed these descriptions fit your daughter, and not you? How are you a narcissist? Your daughter is gaining from you doing all of the doing. Narcissists do not do for others, they manipulate others, who have a conscience, unlike them, to do for them. It could be she is an actual narcissist, it could be she is mentally ill and displaying narcissistic qualities, could be she has some addiction which causes her behaviors and thinking patterns. Could be she operates over her head and you are her easiest target to rescue her, whatever. But you worrying about her and her children, who she is responsible for, with her draining your resources is you being the opposite of a narcissist. The opposite could be someone who is codependent. I am a recovering codependent. I think Blindsided suggested Al-anon, it's great for codependent's if it sounds right for you. It works for someone dealing with substance abuse or not, it's all about the the behaviors you encounter and how to deal with them.</p><p></p><p></p><p>To this a resounding "No!!" Guilt turned inwards is shame. There's no reason for you to be ashamed. You are a mom who has been put in a position most moms have not been put in, most could never imagine. Most moms and grand moms have not had to travel the road you have been on, for years, a road that makes no logical sense. It doesn't matter how it happened, genetics, your daughter's choices as she entered puberty or adulthood, her lack of resilience as an adult, mental illness, and/or addiction. </p><p>Instead I might suggest you accept where you are right now and accept you tried, did the best you could, and turn towards being kind to yourself. Please forgive yourself for doing what a loving flawed parent(as we all are) would do and love "you" into doing what is best for you. If you don't feel what I'm saying here with all of the "buts" running in your head, it means the one person who needs you the most right now is you. It's like that old story about putting on your oxygen mask first. I went many years not realizing what that really meant. With your grand children in the mix it's harder, I know it feels like you are being held hostage trying to keep them out of harms way. But there are examples here where grand parents have been able to hold strong to get their grand children in a better place for the long run.</p><p>You deserve all of the peace and love you send out to everyone else.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Deni D, post: 754624, member: 22840"] Overwhelmed, as you can already tell, you have received invaluable support from those who have taken back their lives in these un-explainable trying times. I read here often, post infrequently. I'm not nearly as articulate as some of the people here but have gained so much from reading. I can't count the times someone has written something I have resonated with but have not been able to put into words until I read it here. I've felt the same, and done the same, but feelings are not reality, they are our feelings, based on how we judge ourselves. My son sends me email links to listen to on narcissistic parents. Have you noticed these descriptions fit your daughter, and not you? How are you a narcissist? Your daughter is gaining from you doing all of the doing. Narcissists do not do for others, they manipulate others, who have a conscience, unlike them, to do for them. It could be she is an actual narcissist, it could be she is mentally ill and displaying narcissistic qualities, could be she has some addiction which causes her behaviors and thinking patterns. Could be she operates over her head and you are her easiest target to rescue her, whatever. But you worrying about her and her children, who she is responsible for, with her draining your resources is you being the opposite of a narcissist. The opposite could be someone who is codependent. I am a recovering codependent. I think Blindsided suggested Al-anon, it's great for codependent's if it sounds right for you. It works for someone dealing with substance abuse or not, it's all about the the behaviors you encounter and how to deal with them. To this a resounding "No!!" Guilt turned inwards is shame. There's no reason for you to be ashamed. You are a mom who has been put in a position most moms have not been put in, most could never imagine. Most moms and grand moms have not had to travel the road you have been on, for years, a road that makes no logical sense. It doesn't matter how it happened, genetics, your daughter's choices as she entered puberty or adulthood, her lack of resilience as an adult, mental illness, and/or addiction. Instead I might suggest you accept where you are right now and accept you tried, did the best you could, and turn towards being kind to yourself. Please forgive yourself for doing what a loving flawed parent(as we all are) would do and love "you" into doing what is best for you. If you don't feel what I'm saying here with all of the "buts" running in your head, it means the one person who needs you the most right now is you. It's like that old story about putting on your oxygen mask first. I went many years not realizing what that really meant. With your grand children in the mix it's harder, I know it feels like you are being held hostage trying to keep them out of harms way. But there are examples here where grand parents have been able to hold strong to get their grand children in a better place for the long run. You deserve all of the peace and love you send out to everyone else. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Almost made it through another.
Top