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Am I doing the right thing
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 743944" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Before you even mentioned a birthmother I was thinking that his behavior sounded a lot like adopted young adults whose birthmothers drank and used drugs when pregnant. If this was his fate, which is not his fault I would take a different approach.</p><p></p><p> I wouldnt let him come home if he was violent but I would guide him tp get adult services such as SSI, Medicaid, a case manager and the help that is entitled to all young adults that are not completely capable due to having their brains exposed to and damaged by alcohol and drugs in utero. Because people with this history do not develop well. They just dont...not without help. And its not their faults.</p><p></p><p>Too often we dont wamt to face up to the fact that the birtmothers pregnancy behaviors impact our childs forever ability to live a normal life but often they do. Usually they do . Babies exposed to alcohol and drugs in utero do not tend to go on to become self sufficient productive adults. They struggle seemingly with small things. They puzzle us by tjeir behaviors and choices. And we look for answers outside of the drugs that were pelting a developing fetuses brain. But that is often the reason.</p><p></p><p> In.these cases our kids are possibly doing the best they can with the organic brain damage that alcohol/crack/meth causes. This brain damage looks a lot like extreme ADHD but it is worse. It Itdoesnt improve. It causes severe dangerous impulsivity and risky behaviors and often the inability (not choice but inability) to learn from mistakes. So often they are unable to work, are homeless and in jail. They are also at high risk to become drug addicts. They knew drugs before birth. Many become addicts. THAT does need to stop but it wont cure all if the brain was damaged in utero.</p><p></p><p>If your son had sich a birth history, this could be the best he can.do and he cant learn from.what you do or dont do for him and he is proving it. I adopted a drug exposed son....he has autism and gets these services and also works...he is luckily high functioning but he still has help. You never get a free pass if your birthmom took drugs while pregnant. It affects the brain. Period. It affects how well you can function and even your emotional health.</p><p></p><p>My advice is to help him get SSI if he was drug exposed in utero. If you told his doctor he was drug exposed and the doctor came up with just ADHD, he wasnt worth the money you paid him. If your son was not exposed to substances in utero just ignore this entire post.</p><p></p><p>If he was exposed, make any decision with his disabilities in mind. Sounds like birthmom is a piece of work and probably used during her pregnancy which affected your child. This can not be discounted when evaluating son's behavior. If it happened, you are leaving out the probably biggest part of the "why."</p><p></p><p>Love and.light!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 743944, member: 1550"] Before you even mentioned a birthmother I was thinking that his behavior sounded a lot like adopted young adults whose birthmothers drank and used drugs when pregnant. If this was his fate, which is not his fault I would take a different approach. I wouldnt let him come home if he was violent but I would guide him tp get adult services such as SSI, Medicaid, a case manager and the help that is entitled to all young adults that are not completely capable due to having their brains exposed to and damaged by alcohol and drugs in utero. Because people with this history do not develop well. They just dont...not without help. And its not their faults. Too often we dont wamt to face up to the fact that the birtmothers pregnancy behaviors impact our childs forever ability to live a normal life but often they do. Usually they do . Babies exposed to alcohol and drugs in utero do not tend to go on to become self sufficient productive adults. They struggle seemingly with small things. They puzzle us by tjeir behaviors and choices. And we look for answers outside of the drugs that were pelting a developing fetuses brain. But that is often the reason. In.these cases our kids are possibly doing the best they can with the organic brain damage that alcohol/crack/meth causes. This brain damage looks a lot like extreme ADHD but it is worse. It Itdoesnt improve. It causes severe dangerous impulsivity and risky behaviors and often the inability (not choice but inability) to learn from mistakes. So often they are unable to work, are homeless and in jail. They are also at high risk to become drug addicts. They knew drugs before birth. Many become addicts. THAT does need to stop but it wont cure all if the brain was damaged in utero. If your son had sich a birth history, this could be the best he can.do and he cant learn from.what you do or dont do for him and he is proving it. I adopted a drug exposed son....he has autism and gets these services and also works...he is luckily high functioning but he still has help. You never get a free pass if your birthmom took drugs while pregnant. It affects the brain. Period. It affects how well you can function and even your emotional health. My advice is to help him get SSI if he was drug exposed in utero. If you told his doctor he was drug exposed and the doctor came up with just ADHD, he wasnt worth the money you paid him. If your son was not exposed to substances in utero just ignore this entire post. If he was exposed, make any decision with his disabilities in mind. Sounds like birthmom is a piece of work and probably used during her pregnancy which affected your child. This can not be discounted when evaluating son's behavior. If it happened, you are leaving out the probably biggest part of the "why." Love and.light! [/QUOTE]
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