Sam3
Active Member
That has been my limited experience. I think it’s difficult to let go of the fear of relapse. And they can’t fully own their recovery when we carry parts with them.
Am I expecting too much?
- Thread starter RN0441
- Start date
That has been my limited experience. I think it’s difficult to let go of the fear of relapse. And they can’t fully own their recovery when we carry parts with them.
RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
It's really too soon to worry about what will happen when he graduates. I guess I was just pondering what I can expect after 3 months and the answer is probably not much!!
Right now we are going to enjoy this time and be supportive and we are very thankful that he is where he is - physically and mentally. It's all good.
We're heading to Memphis tonight. Looking forward to our visit with our son and then hearing some blues and eating some BBQ!
Right now we are going to enjoy this time and be supportive and we are very thankful that he is where he is - physically and mentally. It's all good.
We're heading to Memphis tonight. Looking forward to our visit with our son and then hearing some blues and eating some BBQ!
ColleenB
Active Member
I hope you had a good visit with your son. I imagine you had many feelings and hope you are not letting the game of “what if” and trying to predict the future cloud this time with your son.
I understand wanting to live near him after, and I will be the one voice who doesn’t see this as a problem. Our son is with us and is doing very well. He has needed our support in these early days of recovery and we have been here. We are seeing more independence and he is such a different person. He is kind and funny again, and we don’t see any anger at all. He is at school or the gym and hangs out with a few good friends but spends time with us too. He didn’t spend any real time with us the last five years, during his active addiction. I said it’s like he is 18/19 again and we are starting over, as it is said addiction can stall development at the time of the beginning of the addiction, so this makes sense. Our 20 year old is much more independent. We are ok with this and are trying to encourage independence. He seems to want to spend time with us, watching hockey with his dad or visiting my elderly grandparents with me. This is who he was until the drug use. I am aware he needs to find his way, and I think we are encouraging him to do so, but I also have no problem supporting him right now.
We actually went away this weekend and had no worries ( well, a little) but came home to a house that was basically as we left it. No parties, no damage. First time in a long time we could do that.
You have come so far and so has he. Don’t project too much into the future, and enjoy this time, sober, with your son. None of us know for sure how things will turn out with our addict kids, and predicting or worrying doesn’t help or even make sense.
Taking it a day at time and living in the moment. Hugs
I understand wanting to live near him after, and I will be the one voice who doesn’t see this as a problem. Our son is with us and is doing very well. He has needed our support in these early days of recovery and we have been here. We are seeing more independence and he is such a different person. He is kind and funny again, and we don’t see any anger at all. He is at school or the gym and hangs out with a few good friends but spends time with us too. He didn’t spend any real time with us the last five years, during his active addiction. I said it’s like he is 18/19 again and we are starting over, as it is said addiction can stall development at the time of the beginning of the addiction, so this makes sense. Our 20 year old is much more independent. We are ok with this and are trying to encourage independence. He seems to want to spend time with us, watching hockey with his dad or visiting my elderly grandparents with me. This is who he was until the drug use. I am aware he needs to find his way, and I think we are encouraging him to do so, but I also have no problem supporting him right now.
We actually went away this weekend and had no worries ( well, a little) but came home to a house that was basically as we left it. No parties, no damage. First time in a long time we could do that.
You have come so far and so has he. Don’t project too much into the future, and enjoy this time, sober, with your son. None of us know for sure how things will turn out with our addict kids, and predicting or worrying doesn’t help or even make sense.
Taking it a day at time and living in the moment. Hugs
JustForToday
New Member
I rarely post, for reasons I have explained in another post.
I have followed your story. I may be harsher than the others, but I do mean it in good spirit, so please don't take offense.
You are expecting too much. Your son is telling you that he is not emotionally invested in his treatment. If he were emotionally invested he would not be asking you to "bring him home." He would accept that he is where he needs to be.
I know that you feel that you are practicing detachment and setting boundaries, but, truth is, you are way too involved in his addiction.
You picked out a program that you thought was right for him. The reason he stays is because he has no choice. He has nowhere to go and no way to get there. He is away from you, he is away from the enabling girlfriend, and away from the system he knows in Florida. He is biding his time, if you will. It is like being in jail. You don't want to be there, you just know that you have to toe the line and go with the program if you want to get out. Addicts don't get sober until they decide they want to get sober. No amount of "forcing" them into a program ever works.
Remember, your son is an addict. Addicts are manipulative. They know how to say what people want to hear, and he knows what you want to hear.
Your son sounds like he is emotionally immature. He is dependent on other people to make his way in the world. You, then his girlfriend. He doesn't seem willing to stand on his own 2 feet. Even they way he phrases it, "are you going to bring me home?" sounds like a kid away at summer camp who isn't having a good time. It will not help him to encourage this behavior by allowing him to live with you. Realistically, at 22 a lot of us were out on our own, some of us raising children and running a household, in addition to being employed.
Please listen to what the others have said. Even if your son does turn it around and become invested in his program, allowing him to live with and be dependent upon you will not be healthy for either of you, and may well trigger a relapse in him.
Sobriety is not just about not using, it is about changing your whole life. Changing all those old bad habits and ways that keep you stuck where you are in life. People, places, and, things. This is what they teach in AA/NA. These are the things you must change. When you have an addict in the family the whole family is sick, not just the addict, and the whole family must change.
Think of it like going on a diet. You can go on a crash diet and exercise 4 hours a day and lose the extra weight, but after the weight is gone if you go back to the same old overeating, sedentary lifestyle, you will gain the weight back.
Very few addicts make it without a support system. I think it is unfair to drill into an addict's head that all they are missing is religion. If that were so every non-christian would be an addict and no christians would ever be addicts. Is your son even on board with the whole church thing? Does he share your religious beliefs? It is my experience that you cannot force religion on a person. It is something they embrace on their own. Addiction is a complex mixture of psychology, behavior, and genetics. There is no one simple answer to sobriety, but addicts need the support of other addicts. People who have walked in their shoes, who have faced the obstacles they have faced and have overcome them. To suggest that addiction is a spiritual failure on the part of the addict is setting them up for failure.
Emotional development stops at the age addiction begins. "Bringing him home" will not help him gain emotional maturity of accept responsibility for his behavior. It will not help him make the necessary changes that he needs to make to become sober. It is, probably, too soon to discuss this with him, because his main aim in completing this program seems to be to achieve his goal of being dependent on you, and, if you really think about it, controlling your life. Think very hard about how it will affect you emotionally with him living in your home. Let go of all the dreams you have of him walking out of this program and being a new man and think of how your life was when he was in your house before. Is this a way of life you want to live? Remember, the people that can most easily manipulate us are our loved ones. They know your triggers, they know what you want to hear, they know what buttons to push.
Have you considered becoming involved in NarcAnon? There is a wealth of wisdom there.
Good luck.
I have followed your story. I may be harsher than the others, but I do mean it in good spirit, so please don't take offense.
You are expecting too much. Your son is telling you that he is not emotionally invested in his treatment. If he were emotionally invested he would not be asking you to "bring him home." He would accept that he is where he needs to be.
I know that you feel that you are practicing detachment and setting boundaries, but, truth is, you are way too involved in his addiction.
You picked out a program that you thought was right for him. The reason he stays is because he has no choice. He has nowhere to go and no way to get there. He is away from you, he is away from the enabling girlfriend, and away from the system he knows in Florida. He is biding his time, if you will. It is like being in jail. You don't want to be there, you just know that you have to toe the line and go with the program if you want to get out. Addicts don't get sober until they decide they want to get sober. No amount of "forcing" them into a program ever works.
Remember, your son is an addict. Addicts are manipulative. They know how to say what people want to hear, and he knows what you want to hear.
Your son sounds like he is emotionally immature. He is dependent on other people to make his way in the world. You, then his girlfriend. He doesn't seem willing to stand on his own 2 feet. Even they way he phrases it, "are you going to bring me home?" sounds like a kid away at summer camp who isn't having a good time. It will not help him to encourage this behavior by allowing him to live with you. Realistically, at 22 a lot of us were out on our own, some of us raising children and running a household, in addition to being employed.
Please listen to what the others have said. Even if your son does turn it around and become invested in his program, allowing him to live with and be dependent upon you will not be healthy for either of you, and may well trigger a relapse in him.
Sobriety is not just about not using, it is about changing your whole life. Changing all those old bad habits and ways that keep you stuck where you are in life. People, places, and, things. This is what they teach in AA/NA. These are the things you must change. When you have an addict in the family the whole family is sick, not just the addict, and the whole family must change.
Think of it like going on a diet. You can go on a crash diet and exercise 4 hours a day and lose the extra weight, but after the weight is gone if you go back to the same old overeating, sedentary lifestyle, you will gain the weight back.
Very few addicts make it without a support system. I think it is unfair to drill into an addict's head that all they are missing is religion. If that were so every non-christian would be an addict and no christians would ever be addicts. Is your son even on board with the whole church thing? Does he share your religious beliefs? It is my experience that you cannot force religion on a person. It is something they embrace on their own. Addiction is a complex mixture of psychology, behavior, and genetics. There is no one simple answer to sobriety, but addicts need the support of other addicts. People who have walked in their shoes, who have faced the obstacles they have faced and have overcome them. To suggest that addiction is a spiritual failure on the part of the addict is setting them up for failure.
Emotional development stops at the age addiction begins. "Bringing him home" will not help him gain emotional maturity of accept responsibility for his behavior. It will not help him make the necessary changes that he needs to make to become sober. It is, probably, too soon to discuss this with him, because his main aim in completing this program seems to be to achieve his goal of being dependent on you, and, if you really think about it, controlling your life. Think very hard about how it will affect you emotionally with him living in your home. Let go of all the dreams you have of him walking out of this program and being a new man and think of how your life was when he was in your house before. Is this a way of life you want to live? Remember, the people that can most easily manipulate us are our loved ones. They know your triggers, they know what you want to hear, they know what buttons to push.
Have you considered becoming involved in NarcAnon? There is a wealth of wisdom there.
Good luck.
MissJuneBug
South of the Mason-Dixon Line
I also don’t post here much though I keep up with the forum. Since my son took an accidental overdose of a prescription muscle relaxer given to him by his psychiatrist (who specializes in addictions!) in May, I have been researching our next step. He completed a PHP and did well. No drug use or relapses since May. He attends 2 weekly Smart Recovery meetings plus meets weekly with both a licensed professional counselor and a psychologist. Despite being sober and finally graduating from college, he can’t seem to get any traction in moving on with his life. His current drug of choice is his iPhone and video games. We know that the fact he is living at home is keeping him ‘stuck’. We’ve even offered to pay for an apartment and his living expenses for 3 months while he looks for a job. Nope, he can’t even muster the energy to do that. This was a very accomplished young man until he hit an obstacle in his life and fell apart.
He will be heading off to a 3 month residential treatment center in the next week. After that, he will be going to a supervised young adult transition program. There they will help him move on with his life. He will NOT be coming home to live ever again. I would be surprised if your son’s current program doesn’t nix the idea of him returning home. It is considered a step backwards for young adults with these problems. Normal kids who are at home in between school, jobs, etc is one thing but for our kids it is not a good idea. Too easy for them to settle back into being a child. Even a year long program isn’t enough to stop them from regressing. He needs to experience ‘real life’ without his parents. As someone stated above, a functioning adult has no desire to live with their parents. The fact that he wants to may mean he is still not confident he can take care of himself. The only way to gain confidence is too jump into the deep end and swim. I suspect that is why your son’s current program has them working and banking the money - so they can move forward independent of their parents. This is one of the hardest things for a parent to deal with but at some point you need to sever the ties that bind him to you as a dependent and form a new bond with him as a self-sufficient, independent adult. Most kids do this naturally. Unfortunately, this probably will not happen for any of our kids as long as they are living with their parents. The best thing you can do for your son is to let him know you have full confidence he can make it on his own. Any hint of fear or anxiety or hestitation on your part just reinforces the idea he is right to want to live in the safety of his parent’s home. I see now where I contributed mightily to my son’s issues by not having confidence he could take care of his own life. Just my humble opinion. This isn’t easy for any of us! Hugs.
He will be heading off to a 3 month residential treatment center in the next week. After that, he will be going to a supervised young adult transition program. There they will help him move on with his life. He will NOT be coming home to live ever again. I would be surprised if your son’s current program doesn’t nix the idea of him returning home. It is considered a step backwards for young adults with these problems. Normal kids who are at home in between school, jobs, etc is one thing but for our kids it is not a good idea. Too easy for them to settle back into being a child. Even a year long program isn’t enough to stop them from regressing. He needs to experience ‘real life’ without his parents. As someone stated above, a functioning adult has no desire to live with their parents. The fact that he wants to may mean he is still not confident he can take care of himself. The only way to gain confidence is too jump into the deep end and swim. I suspect that is why your son’s current program has them working and banking the money - so they can move forward independent of their parents. This is one of the hardest things for a parent to deal with but at some point you need to sever the ties that bind him to you as a dependent and form a new bond with him as a self-sufficient, independent adult. Most kids do this naturally. Unfortunately, this probably will not happen for any of our kids as long as they are living with their parents. The best thing you can do for your son is to let him know you have full confidence he can make it on his own. Any hint of fear or anxiety or hestitation on your part just reinforces the idea he is right to want to live in the safety of his parent’s home. I see now where I contributed mightily to my son’s issues by not having confidence he could take care of his own life. Just my humble opinion. This isn’t easy for any of us! Hugs.
For those who are asking, there are 12 step recover programs that are more religious than AA/NA. The one offered in my town is Celebrate Recovery. Having never been to one of these meetings, I don't know much more about them, just that they are more steeped in religion than AA/NA. So this may be an option that RN's son's program offers. I do know that this is not just offered in my town. I am not sure it is nationwide, but I know it is more than just offered here.
RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
I do appreciate your comments.
We saw my son this weekend. He is doing well and doing what they expect of him. Everyone in his program are former (using) addicts so they do understand what he is going through and they are very strict. It is like military school plus God. He really likes going to church and says he will continue to do that as well when he graduates as well as go to meetings to stay sober. He also said he will not give up what he has done there. He has been sober 4 months but in the program three months. You can really feel the love and caring there among the staff and the guys in the program. It's very evident when you walk through the door.
He said he has been in a fog and he is finally starting to think clearly and I can see it by the way he talks. We have been at this for seven years so we are very experienced with addiction and the lies and manipulation.
Everything he is experiencing there is natural. His advisor there says he sees that my son really wants to change. It's hard to change old behaviors. He is only 1/4 of the way through the program so has a long way to go. In the end, yes it is totally up to him to change his life. That is not on us. There is an internal struggle naturally. It's easier to just give up than do things the hard way. It's a lifelong struggle for anyone with substance abuse problems.
He also expressed an interest in doing something to help others when he gets out and mentioned being a police officer or a fireman/paramedic. This is something we will support but it's all up to him.
Everyone has to do what is best for their own family and I certainly would not let someone using live in my home. But I also feel that my son deserves this chance and if he is pursing goals and staying sober we will do what we can to support him to get on track.
We saw my son this weekend. He is doing well and doing what they expect of him. Everyone in his program are former (using) addicts so they do understand what he is going through and they are very strict. It is like military school plus God. He really likes going to church and says he will continue to do that as well when he graduates as well as go to meetings to stay sober. He also said he will not give up what he has done there. He has been sober 4 months but in the program three months. You can really feel the love and caring there among the staff and the guys in the program. It's very evident when you walk through the door.
He said he has been in a fog and he is finally starting to think clearly and I can see it by the way he talks. We have been at this for seven years so we are very experienced with addiction and the lies and manipulation.
Everything he is experiencing there is natural. His advisor there says he sees that my son really wants to change. It's hard to change old behaviors. He is only 1/4 of the way through the program so has a long way to go. In the end, yes it is totally up to him to change his life. That is not on us. There is an internal struggle naturally. It's easier to just give up than do things the hard way. It's a lifelong struggle for anyone with substance abuse problems.
He also expressed an interest in doing something to help others when he gets out and mentioned being a police officer or a fireman/paramedic. This is something we will support but it's all up to him.
Everyone has to do what is best for their own family and I certainly would not let someone using live in my home. But I also feel that my son deserves this chance and if he is pursing goals and staying sober we will do what we can to support him to get on track.
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RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Thanks Colleen! We do see growth and are optimistic. I'm so happy to hear that things are going well for you all now. I hope things continue to stay on track. We can only take one day at a time!
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
RN, please guard your heart. I like you too much to see you getting too excited before he is in the real world. Words are a dime a dozen. Actions matter not words. And he cant know what he will do once he is out. It is easy in a structured setting, harder when you are at school or work and see people using in a parking lot or in the rest room. My daughter had to say no a lot and said she would be shaking and crying. She resisted but a few times....just by a hair. I dont mean to be a pessimist, just a realist.
Many Believers use drugs too although I have a strong bias in believing due to my own life that a knowing that there is a higher power watching out for you is exceptionally helpful in any hard situation.
I couldn't help Princess. For example by the time we found out she was back in college, she had already gotten a loan and had a strong need to do things herself. We may have helped if she had asked. But for us her coming home was not an option. That's the one thing I think is not a good idea. But you know what?I am not you and you are not me and in the end game it is all about them, no matter where they live or with whom. My daughter, after living with Gone boy, was living with her boyfriend. I dont like everything about him. There are some things I think are not the best. But he helped keep her off hard drugs. I am grateful to him for that. I always will be.
Wouldn't it be nice to have a crystal ball?
You are smart, brave, and a true hero and you know your son. We don't! You have so much wisdom and love inside of you.
Love and hugs. I trust your judgment.
Many Believers use drugs too although I have a strong bias in believing due to my own life that a knowing that there is a higher power watching out for you is exceptionally helpful in any hard situation.
I couldn't help Princess. For example by the time we found out she was back in college, she had already gotten a loan and had a strong need to do things herself. We may have helped if she had asked. But for us her coming home was not an option. That's the one thing I think is not a good idea. But you know what?I am not you and you are not me and in the end game it is all about them, no matter where they live or with whom. My daughter, after living with Gone boy, was living with her boyfriend. I dont like everything about him. There are some things I think are not the best. But he helped keep her off hard drugs. I am grateful to him for that. I always will be.
Wouldn't it be nice to have a crystal ball?
You are smart, brave, and a true hero and you know your son. We don't! You have so much wisdom and love inside of you.
Love and hugs. I trust your judgment.
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Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
JFT, JB and others;
I respec the advice you have shared and in part I agree and yet I disagree. Our sons RN and mine began drugging at a very early age and yes mentally they stall out.
Once a program has been completed and the son has a plan and direction. I see no concern about supporting positive changes going forward and continued academics. Certainly not coming home to the same old same old.
Regression and relaps are very big fears always. Isolating and not supporting sobriety is not a way forward. In fact it can probably cause a slip back into drug use as much as anything else.
I am sorry I have to disagree with this statement. Many addicts reluctant to go to rehab end up embracing the programs and find very well. The data supports my position. If it didn’t I would not have spent so much time hearding my son into the corral of rehab and left him in prison. There is no guarantee either way that a voluntary stay In rehab or a coherced One will wind up in success.
Weather the program is faith based or not is of no relevance if RNs son is choosing to stay and work the steps, pray and embrace the religious component of this program then full steam ahead.
Is he asking to come home? Yes. Is this a typical pattern from the past yes. Is RN falling into this manipulative pattern and allowing son to come home? Of course not. And that can not be easy on a mother’s heart.
Her son could leave and he chooses to stay. He has no where to go, since when has this ever stopped our addicts from bailing out of a program?
Yes the program is faith based and embraces God, no different than the steps of AA and accepting a higher power. Teen Challenge has higher success rates than most other programs out there. It is also CBT and talk therapy bases.
I agree that caution and time must be taken in considering having RNs son return home post his rehab completion. I have faith that when the time comes RN will make the right decision. If he comes out with a positive attitude and a direction and goal in mind academic or otherwise it is important to listen and make the decisions that is right at that time.
Each individual child/adult has its own unique qualities.
My suggestion is park that decision on the back burner and make it when the time is right. This will be months down the road.
Is RNs son still in a manipularic Addict phase. For sure he is. He is however, staying put and working the program. This is optimistic.
I know my son will need support once he completes his long term program. I am not willing to assess his future goals and needs until the time comes.
Being invested in the recover of our addicts is not enabling them it is giving them hope. When we are in that phase where the addict is seeking help. We do engage. Especially when they are so young. There is not right or wrong here we all do what our hearts can bear. No judgment, just support.
I respec the advice you have shared and in part I agree and yet I disagree. Our sons RN and mine began drugging at a very early age and yes mentally they stall out.
Once a program has been completed and the son has a plan and direction. I see no concern about supporting positive changes going forward and continued academics. Certainly not coming home to the same old same old.
Regression and relaps are very big fears always. Isolating and not supporting sobriety is not a way forward. In fact it can probably cause a slip back into drug use as much as anything else.
I am sorry I have to disagree with this statement. Many addicts reluctant to go to rehab end up embracing the programs and find very well. The data supports my position. If it didn’t I would not have spent so much time hearding my son into the corral of rehab and left him in prison. There is no guarantee either way that a voluntary stay In rehab or a coherced One will wind up in success.
Weather the program is faith based or not is of no relevance if RNs son is choosing to stay and work the steps, pray and embrace the religious component of this program then full steam ahead.
Is he asking to come home? Yes. Is this a typical pattern from the past yes. Is RN falling into this manipulative pattern and allowing son to come home? Of course not. And that can not be easy on a mother’s heart.
Her son could leave and he chooses to stay. He has no where to go, since when has this ever stopped our addicts from bailing out of a program?
Yes the program is faith based and embraces God, no different than the steps of AA and accepting a higher power. Teen Challenge has higher success rates than most other programs out there. It is also CBT and talk therapy bases.
I agree that caution and time must be taken in considering having RNs son return home post his rehab completion. I have faith that when the time comes RN will make the right decision. If he comes out with a positive attitude and a direction and goal in mind academic or otherwise it is important to listen and make the decisions that is right at that time.
Each individual child/adult has its own unique qualities.
My suggestion is park that decision on the back burner and make it when the time is right. This will be months down the road.
Is RNs son still in a manipularic Addict phase. For sure he is. He is however, staying put and working the program. This is optimistic.
I know my son will need support once he completes his long term program. I am not willing to assess his future goals and needs until the time comes.
Being invested in the recover of our addicts is not enabling them it is giving them hope. When we are in that phase where the addict is seeking help. We do engage. Especially when they are so young. There is not right or wrong here we all do what our hearts can bear. No judgment, just support.
Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
Very well said SWOT
Sam3
Active Member
Thanks for saying all that LBL. I’m sure everyone is trying to be helpful and part of that is cautioning against getting out in front of a person in rehab.
But it’s one thing to share experiences and another to claim there are universal truths.
With as many years in as RN has, I trust she has developed an eye for her own
RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Thanks for your support ladies.
We all know that some get sober without any help. They just wake up and decide one day that they've had enough. I only wish my son had done that. To me that is truly the best way but most of us don't seem to have Difficult Child (ren) like that or if we do, it hasn't happened to them yet.
I see that my son is really trying and all the guys that we have seen graduate in the last two months speak to how very difficult the program is. Two this past week were men in their late 40's that had spent most of their lives doing what he's done the past 7 years. Many are there court ordered so did not "want" to be there or desire to change. I am giving him the credit he deserves. He is becoming humble and seeing how blessed he is and how much pain this has caused.
I am putting all my trust that this is the program for my son. We've tried many other programs and they don't stick long term for him.
I am optimistic but I am not a fool. I love him unconditionally but my relationship with him has conditions.
I'm just sharing our journey and if it doesn't have a good ending I'll be back to tell you about it. We all can learn from each other hopefully.
No one has the answer.
We all know that some get sober without any help. They just wake up and decide one day that they've had enough. I only wish my son had done that. To me that is truly the best way but most of us don't seem to have Difficult Child (ren) like that or if we do, it hasn't happened to them yet.
I see that my son is really trying and all the guys that we have seen graduate in the last two months speak to how very difficult the program is. Two this past week were men in their late 40's that had spent most of their lives doing what he's done the past 7 years. Many are there court ordered so did not "want" to be there or desire to change. I am giving him the credit he deserves. He is becoming humble and seeing how blessed he is and how much pain this has caused.
I am putting all my trust that this is the program for my son. We've tried many other programs and they don't stick long term for him.
I am optimistic but I am not a fool. I love him unconditionally but my relationship with him has conditions.
I'm just sharing our journey and if it doesn't have a good ending I'll be back to tell you about it. We all can learn from each other hopefully.
No one has the answer.
ColleenB
Active Member
I know for us letting Son come home was natural. He needed our support and this time he seems to be doing well, and has been sober. I honestly see a different person, and even though it is early days, we see real change.
I think each case is different and there are no hard and fast rules .... every addict and every family has unique circumstances and to me as long as people are not being abused, giving the addict a safe place to live is ok. The most important thing is keeping the addict accountable but for us it’s also knowing we did eveything we could. I think that looks different for everyone. To be honest , who knows if I could have taken him back years down the road or if he does relapse someday. I can’t predict. I do know we are in a position to help support him emotionally and physically right now and it is working for our family. I will never judge another’s choices in these circumstances and I hope for the same from others. I come here for support, as most of us do.
I want nothing more than to be some light for a parent who is hurting and in pain. Please know I have a huge amount of empathy for all
Of the families here on the boards.
RN, I have seen so much growth in you, and trust you will know what is best for your situation. I pray each of us can have the clarity to be present in the moment and fully engaged in our lives. Live for today, and today your son is sober. Yay! That is a celebration! He is safe! That is a huge weight I am sure you have been carrying. Rejoice in his current success and give yourself credit for being the parents he needed... and needs.
Hugs dear friend....
I think each case is different and there are no hard and fast rules .... every addict and every family has unique circumstances and to me as long as people are not being abused, giving the addict a safe place to live is ok. The most important thing is keeping the addict accountable but for us it’s also knowing we did eveything we could. I think that looks different for everyone. To be honest , who knows if I could have taken him back years down the road or if he does relapse someday. I can’t predict. I do know we are in a position to help support him emotionally and physically right now and it is working for our family. I will never judge another’s choices in these circumstances and I hope for the same from others. I come here for support, as most of us do.
I want nothing more than to be some light for a parent who is hurting and in pain. Please know I have a huge amount of empathy for all
Of the families here on the boards.
RN, I have seen so much growth in you, and trust you will know what is best for your situation. I pray each of us can have the clarity to be present in the moment and fully engaged in our lives. Live for today, and today your son is sober. Yay! That is a celebration! He is safe! That is a huge weight I am sure you have been carrying. Rejoice in his current success and give yourself credit for being the parents he needed... and needs.
Hugs dear friend....
