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Parent Emeritus
Am I steering my own, true course or heading for the rocks?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 742643" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi Copa <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>I am glad you and J will be talking! Its a start!</p><p></p><p>I have a question. Well, a few. Not easy ones for anyone to ponder!</p><p></p><p>When J. Is living on your property, do you check on him a lot? Because if so I have a possible alternate way of dealing with him living so close to you, triggering your worst fears and traumas.</p><p></p><p>Maybe if you just pretended he is a person unrelated to you who lives there, you can both have him nearby and not get triggered about his lifestyle. I have no idea if this would work for you but maybe low contact even though he is close is best?? You will know he is safe but not have to get triggered over his hygiene, his habits, his other quirks that make you so upset that you ask him to leave, which causes more angst.</p><p></p><p>Copa I really think sadly that this is lose,/lose with a bit of a win if he is safe.</p><p></p><p>The.losses are that if he is out in in the streets you will suffer maybe more than him. I know you do not wish to see him become a street person. It is killing your heart.</p><p></p><p>So thats a loss if he stays on the streets.</p><p></p><p>If he lives on your property, making promises, he may not do what he promises. You are used to this. Every time you check up on him to make sure he is holding up his end of the bargain, if he doesnt there goes that bullet to your heart again when you ask him to leave then mourn him.</p><p></p><p>Could it work to just let him be safe and ignore how he lives? For your sanity? Dont visit or check inside?</p><p></p><p>I do not know if you can do it or if I could do it. I just feel you (,not J or M but YOU) seem better off when he is housed, even when he isnt doing well. He may never do well. Are you okay with him on the streets or more okay with him.not doing well but having a roof? Think of YOU.</p><p></p><p>That is my main concern. You.</p><p></p><p>This is hard to to think over, I am sure. It is a split between what you think may be right and what your loving Mother heart can stand. What is easier for you?</p><p></p><p>Neither is probably easy. Neither is right or wrong.</p><p></p><p>Just my thoughts with your welfare foremost in my mind.</p><p></p><p>Lots and lots of hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 742643, member: 1550"] Hi Copa :) I am glad you and J will be talking! Its a start! I have a question. Well, a few. Not easy ones for anyone to ponder! When J. Is living on your property, do you check on him a lot? Because if so I have a possible alternate way of dealing with him living so close to you, triggering your worst fears and traumas. Maybe if you just pretended he is a person unrelated to you who lives there, you can both have him nearby and not get triggered about his lifestyle. I have no idea if this would work for you but maybe low contact even though he is close is best?? You will know he is safe but not have to get triggered over his hygiene, his habits, his other quirks that make you so upset that you ask him to leave, which causes more angst. Copa I really think sadly that this is lose,/lose with a bit of a win if he is safe. The.losses are that if he is out in in the streets you will suffer maybe more than him. I know you do not wish to see him become a street person. It is killing your heart. So thats a loss if he stays on the streets. If he lives on your property, making promises, he may not do what he promises. You are used to this. Every time you check up on him to make sure he is holding up his end of the bargain, if he doesnt there goes that bullet to your heart again when you ask him to leave then mourn him. Could it work to just let him be safe and ignore how he lives? For your sanity? Dont visit or check inside? I do not know if you can do it or if I could do it. I just feel you (,not J or M but YOU) seem better off when he is housed, even when he isnt doing well. He may never do well. Are you okay with him on the streets or more okay with him.not doing well but having a roof? Think of YOU. That is my main concern. You. This is hard to to think over, I am sure. It is a split between what you think may be right and what your loving Mother heart can stand. What is easier for you? Neither is probably easy. Neither is right or wrong. Just my thoughts with your welfare foremost in my mind. Lots and lots of hugs. [/QUOTE]
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Am I steering my own, true course or heading for the rocks?
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