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Am I steering my own, true course or heading for the rocks?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 742650" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Thank you SWOT for your support.</p><p></p><p>M has never pushed to separate me from my son. Nor has he ever made me choose. If anything, he has pushed me to try harder, do more, bring J home. M is one to take on responsibility not to run from it. And he sees parenting as hands on. He believes it is his and my responsibility to insist that J step up. Because I was lost and unable to cope I went along with this program. It is this program that J has resisted and what has made me sick. It has only empowered the worst in J, to resist, lie, to manipulate and to dissemble. And has brought forth the opposite result to what I had sought. He never bought into it. J has always felt he knew best how to live his life. He does not second guess himself about the big things. Which I guess is a good thing.</p><p></p><p>And M does have the the idea that suffering leads to change, which has not proven to be the case, with my son who has not learned from suffering. He has only dug in with the same behaviors. And M believes it is because J has not suffered enough. So there is that. I cannot continue further down that path. </p><p></p><p>Except if I have to. J may decide he does not want to play ball at all. He may not re-establish liver treatment. He may not accept the neuro-psychiatric exam. He may not want to do any therapy. Then what do I do? I am pretty sure that he will agree to the money stuff. But I am not sure he will do the treatment. These have been sticking points for a long time.</p><p></p><p>M is on-board with this process. I think with him, the only issue will be the property. And the fact he feels responsible. But if I get a property manager, for example, and/or a handyman, M could be out of this for the most part. The only thing would be is M uses the downstairs garage areas as a workshop. I will not kick M out of there. Some of this J has to deal with. </p><p></p><p>But you are right. I have to set this up from the onset in a way to minimize conflict between all three of us. I am thinking about whether to look for a family therapist to work with J and I.</p><p></p><p>IF J WILL NOT DO THE MINIMUM, I am not sure what I will do. Because that will be asking me to walk the plank with him. I will not hold his hand walking down the plank, while he is a space I control. But I will help him connect with resources and services to set himself up independently which would be a better outcome, I think. But J can't anymore have it both ways, where he sets the terms, and has not responsibility to meet any at all. </p><p></p><p>And I cannot anymore rely on M to define and control the situation. It is not his fault. I have permitted this by unwillingness or inability to do it myself. I can't do it anymore. I know that. Thank you SWOT.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 742650, member: 18958"] Thank you SWOT for your support. M has never pushed to separate me from my son. Nor has he ever made me choose. If anything, he has pushed me to try harder, do more, bring J home. M is one to take on responsibility not to run from it. And he sees parenting as hands on. He believes it is his and my responsibility to insist that J step up. Because I was lost and unable to cope I went along with this program. It is this program that J has resisted and what has made me sick. It has only empowered the worst in J, to resist, lie, to manipulate and to dissemble. And has brought forth the opposite result to what I had sought. He never bought into it. J has always felt he knew best how to live his life. He does not second guess himself about the big things. Which I guess is a good thing. And M does have the the idea that suffering leads to change, which has not proven to be the case, with my son who has not learned from suffering. He has only dug in with the same behaviors. And M believes it is because J has not suffered enough. So there is that. I cannot continue further down that path. Except if I have to. J may decide he does not want to play ball at all. He may not re-establish liver treatment. He may not accept the neuro-psychiatric exam. He may not want to do any therapy. Then what do I do? I am pretty sure that he will agree to the money stuff. But I am not sure he will do the treatment. These have been sticking points for a long time. M is on-board with this process. I think with him, the only issue will be the property. And the fact he feels responsible. But if I get a property manager, for example, and/or a handyman, M could be out of this for the most part. The only thing would be is M uses the downstairs garage areas as a workshop. I will not kick M out of there. Some of this J has to deal with. But you are right. I have to set this up from the onset in a way to minimize conflict between all three of us. I am thinking about whether to look for a family therapist to work with J and I. IF J WILL NOT DO THE MINIMUM, I am not sure what I will do. Because that will be asking me to walk the plank with him. I will not hold his hand walking down the plank, while he is a space I control. But I will help him connect with resources and services to set himself up independently which would be a better outcome, I think. But J can't anymore have it both ways, where he sets the terms, and has not responsibility to meet any at all. And I cannot anymore rely on M to define and control the situation. It is not his fault. I have permitted this by unwillingness or inability to do it myself. I can't do it anymore. I know that. Thank you SWOT. [/QUOTE]
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