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Am I steering my own, true course or heading for the rocks?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 742656" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>SWOT. I am trying to clarify the situation here. For me. It was my decision not M's each time, that J leave. If M had had the power of deciding he would probably not have insisted J leave. Or maybe he would have, I am not sure. But he did not have deciding power. I did.</p><p></p><p>M has done almost all of the work in all three of the properties. Properties he will receive no benefit from. All of them will go to J. It would not have been fair to let J destroy M's work. It was not fair that J not work to the extent he could, even though for well more than a year we did not ask him to, because it was too stressful for M. J bears 80 percent of the responsibility. If he cannot or will not accept any responsibility he needs to live in a supportive and protected situation like does Sonic, and I will help him secure that. But if he does not want to accept any rules he cannot come home. All M wanted was that J accept some rules and take some responsibility.</p><p></p><p>It is not that I would choose M if J does not want to step up, but if I choose to maintain my relationship with M, it is the natural thing. It is not an abandonment of J. He knows this, although I wonder too if on some level what he feels is loss and triangulation. But part of this is real life. Just as Elsi chooses R, and protects her, their life together, and their space, I will do the same.</p><p></p><p>This has been a useful thread. Because it is bringing me to a place I had not anticipated. I will choose M. Because J must choose himself.</p><p></p><p>Thank you for your support SWOT.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 742656, member: 18958"] SWOT. I am trying to clarify the situation here. For me. It was my decision not M's each time, that J leave. If M had had the power of deciding he would probably not have insisted J leave. Or maybe he would have, I am not sure. But he did not have deciding power. I did. M has done almost all of the work in all three of the properties. Properties he will receive no benefit from. All of them will go to J. It would not have been fair to let J destroy M's work. It was not fair that J not work to the extent he could, even though for well more than a year we did not ask him to, because it was too stressful for M. J bears 80 percent of the responsibility. If he cannot or will not accept any responsibility he needs to live in a supportive and protected situation like does Sonic, and I will help him secure that. But if he does not want to accept any rules he cannot come home. All M wanted was that J accept some rules and take some responsibility. It is not that I would choose M if J does not want to step up, but if I choose to maintain my relationship with M, it is the natural thing. It is not an abandonment of J. He knows this, although I wonder too if on some level what he feels is loss and triangulation. But part of this is real life. Just as Elsi chooses R, and protects her, their life together, and their space, I will do the same. This has been a useful thread. Because it is bringing me to a place I had not anticipated. I will choose M. Because J must choose himself. Thank you for your support SWOT. [/QUOTE]
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Am I steering my own, true course or heading for the rocks?
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