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Am I steering my own, true course or heading for the rocks?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 742695" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear Friends:</p><p></p><p>I have heard not a thing from him. I sent him the tickets by email. Either he will or will not go but I believe he will. He was the one who took the lead to make decisions about destination and times, etc. I am okay either way. I am proud of myself that I am back in the game. I am also proud of myself that I stood my ground and made him leave. Love involves conditions and structure and bottom lines as well as kindness and giving.</p><p></p><p>I had to step up. The main thing I accomplished in these 4 months is I had a bottom line and I demonstrated it to myself, and secondarily, to him. I did not fold.</p><p></p><p>What changed this past 8 days, is I got strong enough to try again. While it was unbearable to know he was homeless, I did not contact him because I could not or would not tolerate it. I contacted him because I believed I was strong enough to do so, and to hold my own. I believe I am.</p><p></p><p>I am hopeful he has come to some understanding, too. But I have to stay centered in myself.</p><p></p><p>There is no going back from that, that I stepped up. I did the hardest thing, for me. And as a consequence I am a changed person. At least a little bit.</p><p></p><p>I have to believe in myself that if I found my spine that it will not disintegrate. That I can keep finding it again and again.</p><p></p><p>I do believe that I will do okay. I hope I do. I am looking forward to seeing him, if he comes.(Except I hate how he looks. If he looks unkempt. And I am glad I will not be riding the train with him. Once security was going to throw him off. That was my nightmare trip. We used to ride on airplanes all up and down the hemisphere. Those days are gone.)</p><p></p><p>But If he doesn't come I will be okay.</p><p></p><p>I am doing lots of good things for me and I have support. Thank you very much.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 742695, member: 18958"] Dear Friends: I have heard not a thing from him. I sent him the tickets by email. Either he will or will not go but I believe he will. He was the one who took the lead to make decisions about destination and times, etc. I am okay either way. I am proud of myself that I am back in the game. I am also proud of myself that I stood my ground and made him leave. Love involves conditions and structure and bottom lines as well as kindness and giving. I had to step up. The main thing I accomplished in these 4 months is I had a bottom line and I demonstrated it to myself, and secondarily, to him. I did not fold. What changed this past 8 days, is I got strong enough to try again. While it was unbearable to know he was homeless, I did not contact him because I could not or would not tolerate it. I contacted him because I believed I was strong enough to do so, and to hold my own. I believe I am. I am hopeful he has come to some understanding, too. But I have to stay centered in myself. There is no going back from that, that I stepped up. I did the hardest thing, for me. And as a consequence I am a changed person. At least a little bit. I have to believe in myself that if I found my spine that it will not disintegrate. That I can keep finding it again and again. I do believe that I will do okay. I hope I do. I am looking forward to seeing him, if he comes.(Except I hate how he looks. If he looks unkempt. And I am glad I will not be riding the train with him. Once security was going to throw him off. That was my nightmare trip. We used to ride on airplanes all up and down the hemisphere. Those days are gone.) But If he doesn't come I will be okay. I am doing lots of good things for me and I have support. Thank you very much. [/QUOTE]
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Am I steering my own, true course or heading for the rocks?
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