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Am I steering my own, true course or heading for the rocks?
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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 742723" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>Copa, I hope you're still able to meet. If not today, very soon. I think you will feel better when the meeting happens, regardless of the outcome. The uncertainty is weighing on you right now. </p><p></p><p>One thing I've learned with mine, as much as I try to hold firm boundaries on some things, it is useless to try to enforce things like "I need you to be on time" or "if you don't show up this time, we're never doing this again." They are on their own time schedule which has nothing to do with the time the rest of us live in. they do have some ability to be on time for jobs, for a while, if they really want to hold them. But with their social interactions, they are used to chaos. People show, or don't show. Time means nothing - the party may start at 10, but people show up all night long. I don't think they are trying to be deliberately disrespectful of me when they are always late or fail to show up at all, it's just a reflection of the chaotic lives they are living. I've realized that if I want to see them at all I have to enter the chaos, at least a bit, and accept that it will mean lots of time waiting, wondering where they are, and getting stood up. I will leave when I have to leave and send a text or message saying "hey, I waited here til XX, but got to go now - let me know when you're free next." But I don't bother getting mad anymore. It just baffles them and does not result in any change. So I've accepted it as part of the cost of maintaining the relationship. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Oh, I hope this is not true. I need to still believe that we can make a different choice and take a different path. Both us and our children. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Me too. I wish I could sit with you at the station and have a cup of tea while we wait for J's 2-hour late train.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 742723, member: 23349"] Copa, I hope you're still able to meet. If not today, very soon. I think you will feel better when the meeting happens, regardless of the outcome. The uncertainty is weighing on you right now. One thing I've learned with mine, as much as I try to hold firm boundaries on some things, it is useless to try to enforce things like "I need you to be on time" or "if you don't show up this time, we're never doing this again." They are on their own time schedule which has nothing to do with the time the rest of us live in. they do have some ability to be on time for jobs, for a while, if they really want to hold them. But with their social interactions, they are used to chaos. People show, or don't show. Time means nothing - the party may start at 10, but people show up all night long. I don't think they are trying to be deliberately disrespectful of me when they are always late or fail to show up at all, it's just a reflection of the chaotic lives they are living. I've realized that if I want to see them at all I have to enter the chaos, at least a bit, and accept that it will mean lots of time waiting, wondering where they are, and getting stood up. I will leave when I have to leave and send a text or message saying "hey, I waited here til XX, but got to go now - let me know when you're free next." But I don't bother getting mad anymore. It just baffles them and does not result in any change. So I've accepted it as part of the cost of maintaining the relationship. Oh, I hope this is not true. I need to still believe that we can make a different choice and take a different path. Both us and our children. Me too. I wish I could sit with you at the station and have a cup of tea while we wait for J's 2-hour late train. [/QUOTE]
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Am I steering my own, true course or heading for the rocks?
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