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Am I steering my own, true course or heading for the rocks?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 742978" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Thank you Tired. My stomach tightened as I read this. All the thousands of miles away from you and your son I must be, and I felt it in my gut in the same way. These reactions of ours are visceral. We respond to gut punches. That is how we feel the words and actions of our sons. </p><p></p><p>I am learning meditation. There has to be a way to detach from what in psychology would be stimulus-response. I have got to somehow divorce my responses from his stimulus. At present I react automatically. </p><p>Last night before I slept I had the thought that if I could help him do this one thing it would be a world of difference for us both. I have gotten good ideas from this thread. If I could get him hooked up to some kind of nurse that deals with homeless in his area, that would be accountability and discipline for him. Just this one thing. And from that could come other things. </p><p></p><p>I have a sense of focus I did not have before. It is not all those other things, it is just this one thing. </p><p>I began to think about how I have been pushing a huge rock uphill (is that Plato? Sisyphus?) and it just falls down again, and I do the same thing, over and over again with him. </p><p></p><p>He likes his lifestyle. He has NEVER been intrinsically motivated to do one thing I have pushed him to do. Not one thing. So who is creating the misery here? It is me. If I focus on this one thing, his health, it becomes potentially handleable. Except for two downsides. </p><p></p><p>One. I realize that his lifestyle is absolutely intolerable to me. He chooses to be a marginal homeless person and he has been doing this for a long time, except for when I help him. And when he lives with us he still lives like a homeless person. And so this thing makes me realize that in the way we choose to live we are oil and water.</p><p></p><p>Two. And the number two thing is even worse. If I can't get him to take seriously his health and to comply, that there is really not one thing I can do to help him. And this makes me very, very sad and frightened. It feels like a freight train coming at me.</p><p></p><p>I am back to having to detach. Thank you very much.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 742978, member: 18958"] Thank you Tired. My stomach tightened as I read this. All the thousands of miles away from you and your son I must be, and I felt it in my gut in the same way. These reactions of ours are visceral. We respond to gut punches. That is how we feel the words and actions of our sons. I am learning meditation. There has to be a way to detach from what in psychology would be stimulus-response. I have got to somehow divorce my responses from his stimulus. At present I react automatically. Last night before I slept I had the thought that if I could help him do this one thing it would be a world of difference for us both. I have gotten good ideas from this thread. If I could get him hooked up to some kind of nurse that deals with homeless in his area, that would be accountability and discipline for him. Just this one thing. And from that could come other things. I have a sense of focus I did not have before. It is not all those other things, it is just this one thing. I began to think about how I have been pushing a huge rock uphill (is that Plato? Sisyphus?) and it just falls down again, and I do the same thing, over and over again with him. He likes his lifestyle. He has NEVER been intrinsically motivated to do one thing I have pushed him to do. Not one thing. So who is creating the misery here? It is me. If I focus on this one thing, his health, it becomes potentially handleable. Except for two downsides. One. I realize that his lifestyle is absolutely intolerable to me. He chooses to be a marginal homeless person and he has been doing this for a long time, except for when I help him. And when he lives with us he still lives like a homeless person. And so this thing makes me realize that in the way we choose to live we are oil and water. Two. And the number two thing is even worse. If I can't get him to take seriously his health and to comply, that there is really not one thing I can do to help him. And this makes me very, very sad and frightened. It feels like a freight train coming at me. I am back to having to detach. Thank you very much. [/QUOTE]
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