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Am I steering my own, true course or heading for the rocks?
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<blockquote data-quote="Smithmom" data-source="post: 743028" data-attributes="member: 23371"><p>Copa and tried.</p><p>I've been pondering detaching lately. From both of my older ones. For me that means letting go of not only my hopes and dreams for them but the dreams for the sons I wanted for me. That is, the loving sons who came around when I really needed them. Not just when they need me. This includes accepting them for who they are. My second won't lift a finger to anything but his waiter job. Ok he has serious neurological issues but he won't sweep or mop a floor. And he can do that. Left alone he would throw his trash, laundry and everything on the floor. And never pick it up. I accept that I cannot change this. I tried. He's 27. Time to accept. Problem is I always figured that I'd buy a condo for him and leave it to him as the permanent housing he can't find for himself. Reality I now accept is that he will destroy it. Or just let it rot away. </p><p></p><p>I accept that he will never be responsible. He will drive landlords crazy and probably end up in a slum. A slum lord is his only option. So I must accept that I never want him to live with my disabled son, or even on the same property. The only thing I can do is provide him with some cash annuity. Won't be much, won't provide the space or comfort the condo would have.</p><p></p><p>But accepting them as they are is detaching. Accepting that we don't want their lifestyle next door is detaching. I've made it clear that I won't go into their space if it involves smoking and I think I will add if it makes me uncomfortable for other reasons. They can visit me or meet on neutral ground. This is accepting. It's ok.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Smithmom, post: 743028, member: 23371"] Copa and tried. I've been pondering detaching lately. From both of my older ones. For me that means letting go of not only my hopes and dreams for them but the dreams for the sons I wanted for me. That is, the loving sons who came around when I really needed them. Not just when they need me. This includes accepting them for who they are. My second won't lift a finger to anything but his waiter job. Ok he has serious neurological issues but he won't sweep or mop a floor. And he can do that. Left alone he would throw his trash, laundry and everything on the floor. And never pick it up. I accept that I cannot change this. I tried. He's 27. Time to accept. Problem is I always figured that I'd buy a condo for him and leave it to him as the permanent housing he can't find for himself. Reality I now accept is that he will destroy it. Or just let it rot away. I accept that he will never be responsible. He will drive landlords crazy and probably end up in a slum. A slum lord is his only option. So I must accept that I never want him to live with my disabled son, or even on the same property. The only thing I can do is provide him with some cash annuity. Won't be much, won't provide the space or comfort the condo would have. But accepting them as they are is detaching. Accepting that we don't want their lifestyle next door is detaching. I've made it clear that I won't go into their space if it involves smoking and I think I will add if it makes me uncomfortable for other reasons. They can visit me or meet on neutral ground. This is accepting. It's ok. [/QUOTE]
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Am I steering my own, true course or heading for the rocks?
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