Another birthday in jail......

[WhymeMom?]

My son has spent another birthday in jail. He has spent the last five birthdays in jail, getting out occasionally only to break probation or commit another crime to get him thrown back in.....
On a good note his old girlfriend with whom he fathered two children is married and has had the children adopted by her new husband. I haven't met him and we don't have contact with these kids. I ask that she send pictures and hope she will in the future.
When he was out last time he met yet another girl and there is another child.......guess he has found what he does well. Since we have no contact with him (he will write an occasional letter) we don't know what his next sentence will be, but he's trying to fight the habitual offender label, so can't imagine he wouldn't get at least 5 years if not more. The only saving grace in his crimes was that he was never violent with anyone.....he would break into businesses and steal things when no one was there. Yeah, I know, not much of a consolation, but I'm trying to find something positive to write......
Now that he is 25 there is little or nothing we can do. I can only shake my head and worry for his offspring and pray none of you have to go thru this.........

 

[everywoman]

Whyme---I have watched my sister go through the same thing---almost verbatim with her difficult child. He is now 42 and incarcerated. All of his crimes were drug related. I fear that unless my difficult child really changes his life this is the path he will take. It is heartbreaking to watch---but often I feel I am watching from a distance---and that makes it easier to take.

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

I'm so sorry!!! What a nightmare for you!!! I'm afraid I could be following in your footsteps if difficult child 1 doesn't get his act together ASAP!!!

For what it's worth, in my humble opinion, all you can do is detach and then detach some more... Of course, I really shouldn't be giving any advice as I haven't been through this yet. However, I'm sure it's absolutely heartbreaking beyond just about anything else, to watch your son's life unfold in such a miserable way. My heart goes out to you... WFEN

 

[standswithcourage]

Yes my son has spent 2 Christmases in jail and 2 or 3 birthdays! It is horrible. I am just glad he is still alive. That is all that keeps me going.

 

[Star*]

WhymeMom.

I love how you have found a positive about your son in having to deal with such sadness. That shows moxy girl - and you have it in spades.

I often have said in therapy my biggest complaint wasn't what I had to deal with - it was what I had to give up. I can count on one hand how many holidays each year I got with Dude due to being institutionalized. You're right that makes anyone angry.

I was told the death of my dreams was more painful than actually loosing someone close. I believe it now. And I try to remain ever cheerful about the blessings I do have. In you that is a great strength. I'm glad you are able to pass it on to me and others.

But in the true spirit of the love on this board -

I'm sending you a dozen cyber roses for being this boys mother - you deserve them. And....of course
HAPPYBIRTHDAY WMM's KID -

 

[DammitJanet]

Sigh...sorry its another missed occasion. Like Star, I have missed many holidays and birthdays because Cory was in some placement or other. I think at one time I figured it out that he was only home for two birthdays from age 11 to 17.

I also fear that this is going to hold true for future occasions. Not much we can do though besides hoping they take their heads out of their rears at some point.

 

[Steely]

Not to be duplicitous, but I feel so strongly about what I wrote to Janet, I think the same applies:

Geez.............
See, this is exactly how these kids get stuck in the system. One little thing rolls into the next little thing, and pretty soon they are in jail for years over probation violations and traffic tickets. This whole system make me madder than words.

I will hoping and praying that somehow, someway, Cory manages to extricate himself from these constant legal trappings - and rise above to create the life that has been waiting for him all along.

I am so sorry WHYME, and I am hoping the same for your son that I am for Cory, and all the others who are in the same spot.

 

[mstang67chic]

Star nailed it. You have all these ideas and dreams for your kids and they choose their own path. When that path is different than what they are capable of or different than at least what society expects from people, those dreams die. No words of wisdom at all but sending lots of hugs.

I still think we should meet up sometime, go to Jeff. Pt. and ourselves at the chocolate place and the ice cream place!

 

[susiestar]

I am so sorry. It must hurt horribly to not be able to see a positive future for your child.

I hope you do something nice for yourself on his birthday - YOU did all the work in bringing him into the world. So a lovely present should be in YOUR plan!

We need to tag Raoul so he can give you a massage! He does the BEST massages!! And you can cry on his shoulder, than dance a tango with him (he is a great lead, you don't even have to know the dance!).

Hugs,

Susie

 

[witzend]

{{{{{{{{{{{{Big hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

WMM,

Hugs for your mommy heart.

 

[WhymeMom?]

Thanks guys for letting me share.......you are the only people who know "our story" so its good to let out my feelings once in a while.......

I'm now pulling up my big girl panties and moving on.......love you all!!!!

 

[scent of cedar]

Hugs, WhyMeMom.

It helps me to be stronger when I refuse the feelings. There is so much grief, and so much loss in what has happened to all of our children that we could never reach the end of it, never make sense of it.

I am glad you are here, and glad you posted about the way this feels.

It always helps me to post, too.

Barbara