Any Input Welcomed

[NOLA]

Just checking in -- we are in the last few days of the 2nd 15-day house-arrest (he was ordered to get a job but hasn't managed to do that yet) He reported at the Friday therapy session he has been drug-free for 14 days - not to sound flippant or anything but it's like he thinks "I'm drug-free, what more do they want?" How about get a job, graduate high school, do something with your life other than sleep & visit myspace?

He's living in a make-believe world and it's like he's waiting to be forced into dealing with reality. I'm thinking he's doing (or not doing) all the right things to get his wish - I hope the judge comes down on him like he's robbed a bank.

I guess you can tell I've taken the position of waiting and watching (secretly hoping he'll make the right decisions) to see what he does and I have accepted the fact that he's intelligent enough to know right from wrong; he's been through re-hab; he's in counselling; and he knows we are pulling for him - it's a HARD thing to watch though :frown:

 

[guest3]

it is a hard thing to watch. And I am feeling it with you

difficult child I has lost computer (although he checks his myspace at library) and also has very limited phone time. After "incident" we've pointed out we pay the bills so if does not want to contribute to household by helping out, we don't contribute to his "social career". Plus he has owes us $$$ from fines, I threatened to ebay the contents of his room to pay it off and any cash he got for his b-day he had to hand to me, but I confess I warned relatives to give gift cards to Kohl's (were he can only really buy clothes or shoes).

 

[KFld]

It is hard to watch. It doesn't sound like he's ready yet to make the right choices. He is young though and at that age I think the peer pressure is the worst. I believe so much of this comes with maturity. I know my difficult child would have never been able to make the changes at 16 that he is now making at 20. Not to sound discouraging, but just the opposite. He has a lot of time ahead of him to mature and hopefully change his life before he's to old for it to make a difference.

 

[DDD]

Do keep in mind, sadly, that testing drug free does not mean
they are drug free. All the druggies know exactly what to buy
to test "clean". DDD

 

[hearthope]

Ditto what DDD said. If they know they are being tested they know exactly what to get to make it clean.

My son tested negative when all involved knew he was using.

Traci

 

[lovemysons]

Hi Nola,
Just wanted to reach out and give you some additional reasons to have hope.

Our 18 yr old son was very much a full blown insubordiant, bipolar, defiant, lying, theiving drug using difficult child by age 14. We sent him to drug rehab for 4 1/2 months. He was hospitalized for 2 weeks and dxd bipolar. He was kicked out of regular school within 4 days of a new year and sent to alternative school for insubordination. He was also sent to Jail school for acting out at alternative school. We tried a program a judge guaranteed would "save your child" (if willing to spend the 30k yearly tuition)...Our son was going to be shipped off to Jamaica after only 9 days of this program. Yep, he was so hard for them to handle they were sending him to what they referred to as their more "punitive program". I would not let that happen and we quickly headed up to Montanna and brought him back home. Then we tried homeschooling and a church home school group. Then, came probation in Dec 05 through Dec 06, Now...
My 18 year old difficult child is in the Army. He is married and expecting a baby in November. It is like he is going through a total transformation. I can't say enough good things about him today. I am so very proud of him.
by the way, we had 2 difficult child's. and older brother...well, the jury is still out.

Remember, as my husband used to say...
"It's only have time...it's not over yet"

Hang in there.
hugs and care,
Lovemysons