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Ask me anything - Adult diagnosed with ODD as a child and living with similar issues today
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<blockquote data-quote="Nandina" data-source="post: 763961" data-attributes="member: 23742"><p>Lovemysons, I pray that someday you will become closer with your older son.</p><p></p><p>It is so hard to predict how a child will turn out and I’m surprised the diagnoses for your sons were so grave at such young ages. </p><p></p><p>Most of us have experienced watching a once sweet-natured child become sullen and moody with the onset of puberty and its hormonal and behavioral changes. It has been my experience that this unusual behavior can continue or even begin well into young adulthood.</p><p></p><p>My (now 32 yr old son, not the one who brought me here), was like the perfect child, never got into any trouble, played football and wrestled in high school, good natured, no drugs. But after having to drop out of college due to poor grades, (mainly because he had discovered partying), he returned home a different person and made our lives very difficult. It was like a delayed puberty, only by now he was 20. There were things he did that were so out of character for him that I still can’t believe and have a hard time talking about. We had to ask him to leave.</p><p></p><p>The next few years were difficult as he struggled to find a decent job and a place to live. He was never homeless but did a lot of couch-surfing. I know he was depressed during this period and it also influenced his behavior. Fortunately, he never got into drugs or I know the outcome might have been very different.</p><p></p><p>Today he is the successful manager of a business that always ranks in the top for our region and supervises a group of employees. My son has become a good leader and role model. We are so proud of him. But 10 years ago, I could not have predicted this for him. He could have just as easily become a criminal if his behavior had been any indication.</p><p></p><p>I realize not everyone here shares that experience and its positive outcome. I, too, have another son (age 22), the one who brought me here, who is struggling, very immature, has been into drugs, incarcerated and homeless. But even with all his challenges, I am seeing glimmers of hope that he is beginning to mature.</p><p></p><p>He has a very long way to go but currently has a steady job and a place to live. Two years ago he probably would have preferred to be homeless. He no longer does hard drugs (although vapes MJ). He is trying to save money to get an apartment with a friend. I do worry about him because he often makes poor or impulsive decisions and has no money management skills. And he is now a convicted felon, with all the baggage that brings. Right now it is hard to know how he will turn out. But there is still time.</p><p></p><p>I am sharing my experience to let others who are having difficulties with their kids know not to give up hope and that maturity develops at different times in our adult children. And science recognizes that the pre-frontal cortex of the brain (controls impulsivity, judgment, realizing consequences) is not fully developed until about age 25 or so. Therefore, It really short-changes children to assume they are doomed to a life of crime or misbehavior just because they are hard to manage as teens.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nandina, post: 763961, member: 23742"] Lovemysons, I pray that someday you will become closer with your older son. It is so hard to predict how a child will turn out and I’m surprised the diagnoses for your sons were so grave at such young ages. Most of us have experienced watching a once sweet-natured child become sullen and moody with the onset of puberty and its hormonal and behavioral changes. It has been my experience that this unusual behavior can continue or even begin well into young adulthood. My (now 32 yr old son, not the one who brought me here), was like the perfect child, never got into any trouble, played football and wrestled in high school, good natured, no drugs. But after having to drop out of college due to poor grades, (mainly because he had discovered partying), he returned home a different person and made our lives very difficult. It was like a delayed puberty, only by now he was 20. There were things he did that were so out of character for him that I still can’t believe and have a hard time talking about. We had to ask him to leave. The next few years were difficult as he struggled to find a decent job and a place to live. He was never homeless but did a lot of couch-surfing. I know he was depressed during this period and it also influenced his behavior. Fortunately, he never got into drugs or I know the outcome might have been very different. Today he is the successful manager of a business that always ranks in the top for our region and supervises a group of employees. My son has become a good leader and role model. We are so proud of him. But 10 years ago, I could not have predicted this for him. He could have just as easily become a criminal if his behavior had been any indication. I realize not everyone here shares that experience and its positive outcome. I, too, have another son (age 22), the one who brought me here, who is struggling, very immature, has been into drugs, incarcerated and homeless. But even with all his challenges, I am seeing glimmers of hope that he is beginning to mature. He has a very long way to go but currently has a steady job and a place to live. Two years ago he probably would have preferred to be homeless. He no longer does hard drugs (although vapes MJ). He is trying to save money to get an apartment with a friend. I do worry about him because he often makes poor or impulsive decisions and has no money management skills. And he is now a convicted felon, with all the baggage that brings. Right now it is hard to know how he will turn out. But there is still time. I am sharing my experience to let others who are having difficulties with their kids know not to give up hope and that maturity develops at different times in our adult children. And science recognizes that the pre-frontal cortex of the brain (controls impulsivity, judgment, realizing consequences) is not fully developed until about age 25 or so. Therefore, It really short-changes children to assume they are doomed to a life of crime or misbehavior just because they are hard to manage as teens. [/QUOTE]
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