Auditory Hallucinations

[Liahona]

Running is tempting but not on the table right now. We decided to stay in the same state as X because we felt difficult child 1 would have a better chance of surviving visitation in short frequent bursts rather than long times during the summer.

The problem is that for the legal system its my word against X's. I say he tried to run me over. X says he didn't. And there is no evidence because he didn't succeed. If you look at the whole picture of 5 ex-wifes it looks much worse for X, but the courts won't do that. All legal actions (and some not legal) have been considered and this is the best choice.

I just have to support difficult child 1 through this and figure out what to do about difficult child 1's behaviors. I'm guessing 60-70% of difficult child 1's behavior is X related. I just hadn't connected hallucinations to it before.

Once in a while we get the "I'm running away." line from difficult child 1. I ask him where he'd go to. He hasn't come up with with an answer to that yet. Even in the middle of difficult child melt down he never says he'll live with X.

My mom got through. difficult child 1 is doing fine. I'm betting he'll be excited to go next time. Thanks for being here and letting me vent. And thanks for the prayers.

 

[Steely]

So....somehow you have to get cps involved...ASAP. Have the therapist, or psychiatrist, or grandma call - your husband, you, or the school counselor....anyone. But do not stand by and let this happen one more second. You have to call everyone and anyone that might care.....now.....and get his visitation agreement changed to no contact with dad. Become rosa parks, Martin Luther king, ghandi, Lincoln....become any person you admire that created change.....for your son. Because without your daring courage, your son will remain a victim.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Because without your daring courage, your son will remain a victim.

Or worse - become a statistic.

I'm not trying to be alarmist. In fact, I'd LOVE to be totally wrong.
And I totally get it that the legal system doesn't make it easy for you to do this.
But... red flags all over the place.
If X moves and difficult child 1 visits, and something happens... there may be no recovery.

You're going to have to be a duck - calm on the surface and paddling madly below.
But you need to find a way. Somehow.

 

[Liahona]

You are kind. Trust me I have done all of that and until difficult child 1 decides to open up to the right people nothing will change. I've even been to the state capitol to get laws changed. I am worried about his safety and proactively doing everything I can. Thank you for your concern and prayers for him.

 

[susiestar]

I know the position you are in, though not firsthand. When my uncle and his wife divorced, she kept custody by telling my cousin (A) she would kill herself if niece ever lived iwth her dad. L (the mom) had done a LOT to keep A from having any real relationship with my uncle even when they lived together. After a while, L met a man online and moved in with him and his son. Son was a true difficult child but was also a very abused little boy. L continued the abuse of him and A fought it all she could. A was 14 when the man started trying to groom her. I was the ONLY family member from the dad's side allowed into their home - L always liked me and we had a decent relationship even though I knew she was crazier than an outhouse rat. I just never let her see it and was always well mannered around her. I was HORRIFED at the living conditions and some notes that the man had left on A's bed (which was under a toilet outflow pipe leak - every time she moved the bed to not have raw sewage dripping on her pillow she got smacked around by her mom! Man told her if she did what he wanted he would let her move it.

A was lucky, we were able to talk her into telling the court she was living with dad, period. Tooka LOT of work and he gave her a LOT of financial incentives, like a car, etc... It helped taht she was old enough to be listened to by the court.

We also had plans to take her away, far away, get new identities and keep her safe from this man. You CAN find people to help you do this. in my opinion it is something you MUST consider, because x is going to kill your son. I know you are afraid of that, but in no way is difficult child truly able to tell on his dad to those who might help him. I am SURE x has threatened awful things if he tells on x - and those threats are more persuasive than an hour with any therapist can be.

You need to start a get-away fund, pack a kit for it, etc... DON"T WAIT TOO LONG!! It isn't easy, or fun, but you have to do what you can to save your child - even if means breaking the law to do it.

You also need to continue to get help from the area DV center. They may be more able to help you and to get difficult child to open up than anyone else. PLEASE try them, even if you have been there before. difficult child is a constant victim of DV as long as x is in his life. (Also consider a voice activated recorder snuck into his overnight bag, if you think x won't find it. I would be looking at spy cams and bugging x's house while he wasn't home - even if it is illegal, he might give in if you threaten to turn it ovver to the cops. Just because YOU broke the law to get the footage doesn't mean the cops can't use it against x - after all the cops didn't ask you to do it!)

 

[Steely]

When you were in a relationship with him did you ever call the police for domestic violence? When difficult child was in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) did you share with anyone the violent acts that your husband committed against you? Have you had gma call CPS, or other relatives? Whatever documentation that ANYONE has will get CPS involved and start the ball rolling towards supervised visits, or no visits at all.

I don't know why - but your situation weighs heavily on my heart. I woke up last night thinking about it. I think it is imperative that you brainstorm with us on ideas on how to get X's custody suspended. There are many people on this board who have gone through hades and back to do just that - and that can offer you wisdom.

We care - I care - brainstorm with us on ways to make this stop.

 

[Liahona]

O.k. but because this isn't directly about difficult child 1 or hallucinations I'll start a thread in the watercooler. Tomorrow. Right now I'm sick and have sick kids. Wouldn't be able to think straight tonight. Even having a hard time typing this up.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Take care of yourself - no fun having sick kids, and worse to be a not-well Mom! (we've all been there)
Remember we're here for you...
Hang in there!