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<blockquote data-quote="elizabrary" data-source="post: 748611" data-attributes="member: 11235"><p>I had to learn to take things day by day with my daughter and not have any expectations about the future. She and I have had several periods of no contact, one of around a year and the others shorter. The first time it happened I was frantic and nearly drove myself insane with worry because my granddaughter was a baby then. In my mind we would never have a relationship again, but that's not the truth in most cases. In fact, I found that those breaks were good for both of us. It gave us some time apart to breathe and I used that time to work on myself. It was during those times that I really learned to find and maintain my peace of mind no matter what chaos was going on around me. I learned to take care of me first, to do things I enjoyed and make my health and well-being a priority. It also gave me some distance to be objective about my role in the negative aspects of our relationship. Yes, my daughter is an alcoholic with mental health issues, but I added negative energy to our relationship with passive aggressive behaviors and by bringing up past hurts that she had caused. I was playing the victim and that didn't help anything. We still have our ups and downs, but our relationship is much more stable and supportive now. And I am much more healthy. If you take a break from your son that doesn't mean it's forever. There may be a time in the future when you can have a healthy, enriching relationship. If you are separate from him I encourage you to use that time to improve your own health and happiness. It can serve as a reset. Sending peace to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="elizabrary, post: 748611, member: 11235"] I had to learn to take things day by day with my daughter and not have any expectations about the future. She and I have had several periods of no contact, one of around a year and the others shorter. The first time it happened I was frantic and nearly drove myself insane with worry because my granddaughter was a baby then. In my mind we would never have a relationship again, but that's not the truth in most cases. In fact, I found that those breaks were good for both of us. It gave us some time apart to breathe and I used that time to work on myself. It was during those times that I really learned to find and maintain my peace of mind no matter what chaos was going on around me. I learned to take care of me first, to do things I enjoyed and make my health and well-being a priority. It also gave me some distance to be objective about my role in the negative aspects of our relationship. Yes, my daughter is an alcoholic with mental health issues, but I added negative energy to our relationship with passive aggressive behaviors and by bringing up past hurts that she had caused. I was playing the victim and that didn't help anything. We still have our ups and downs, but our relationship is much more stable and supportive now. And I am much more healthy. If you take a break from your son that doesn't mean it's forever. There may be a time in the future when you can have a healthy, enriching relationship. If you are separate from him I encourage you to use that time to improve your own health and happiness. It can serve as a reset. Sending peace to you. [/QUOTE]
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