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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 535116" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I have no words of wisdom Exhausted, simply one mom's empathy and care coming your way. I am sorry you are going through this. I was reading your other post about how the usual enabling tactics may not be the road one takes when dealing with mental illness. I agree with you. I've weighed all the options, educated myself about my own codependency issues, have done my own personal therapy to understand where my boundaries are and how to emotionally detach, and I think the biggest piece, accepting my difficult child, accepting 'what is' .............and then made choices accordingly. All our difficult child's are unique, we are unique, we all have to come to our own place of peace in our own way. It is quite a challenge.</p><p></p><p>In my group the other night, the therapist was saying how the sickest person in the family, be it mental illness, substance abuse, or whatever, is the one who controls the family, the one with all the power. That is why detaching is so important, so that the rest of the family can begin to heal and get out of the chaos. However, there is more to the story, in my opinion, there is how do you work it out inside your heart about our difficult child's, our children who are out there in the world without the tools or the healthy brains to get them through life. Sigh. I don't believe there is one answer, only many questions. We all have to find that fine line of loving them and yet letting them go, helping them but allowing them to function on their own, accepting them for who they are yet acknowledging that we cannot save them from themselves. </p><p></p><p>Our journey as parents has so many mine fields which can blow at any time, as your name implies, it is exhausting. I don't have an answer, what I have is empathy, understanding, appreciation for the tough choices you have to make, compassion for your daughter and the dark road she finds herself on, compassion for you for your broken heart and my prayers and very warm and caring wishes that you find your way to peace. Big giant hugs to you from my heart to yours.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 535116, member: 13542"] I have no words of wisdom Exhausted, simply one mom's empathy and care coming your way. I am sorry you are going through this. I was reading your other post about how the usual enabling tactics may not be the road one takes when dealing with mental illness. I agree with you. I've weighed all the options, educated myself about my own codependency issues, have done my own personal therapy to understand where my boundaries are and how to emotionally detach, and I think the biggest piece, accepting my difficult child, accepting 'what is' .............and then made choices accordingly. All our difficult child's are unique, we are unique, we all have to come to our own place of peace in our own way. It is quite a challenge. In my group the other night, the therapist was saying how the sickest person in the family, be it mental illness, substance abuse, or whatever, is the one who controls the family, the one with all the power. That is why detaching is so important, so that the rest of the family can begin to heal and get out of the chaos. However, there is more to the story, in my opinion, there is how do you work it out inside your heart about our difficult child's, our children who are out there in the world without the tools or the healthy brains to get them through life. Sigh. I don't believe there is one answer, only many questions. We all have to find that fine line of loving them and yet letting them go, helping them but allowing them to function on their own, accepting them for who they are yet acknowledging that we cannot save them from themselves. Our journey as parents has so many mine fields which can blow at any time, as your name implies, it is exhausting. I don't have an answer, what I have is empathy, understanding, appreciation for the tough choices you have to make, compassion for your daughter and the dark road she finds herself on, compassion for you for your broken heart and my prayers and very warm and caring wishes that you find your way to peace. Big giant hugs to you from my heart to yours. [/QUOTE]
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