My oldest has always been hard. I am soooo grateful to have three other wonderful adult kids and a precious granddaughter plus a great hub. I definitely focus on those who can give and not just receive. And those who are usually happy rather than my son who is chronically miserable, angry and often abusive. You must have upbeat, positive loved ones and friends. If you are around negativity enough, it becomes how you see the whole world...and actually the world has much to enjoy. Beauty, laughter, entertainment, hobbies, vacations etc.
You can love your son without making his choices your life. Yes, sometimes it is hard to change the habit.. we worry..we love them...but we cant change them or be upsetting ourselves when they hit another bump, small or large. We cant...or it can sicken or truly kill us.
What we can do is change how we deal with our wayward adult children. We can detach without withdrawing love.
I wont let my difficult child destroy me or anyone else in the family. I talk to him but it is seperate from the others. He burned his bridges with everyone else in the family, and that is his own doing. Not that he cares, really. But his siblings want nothing to do with him because of his abuse snd he denies he did anything wrong and seems fine not having them. So since he has no friends he calls me to literally rage at the way the universe is against him. He is miserable but wont get professional help...I learned not to listen too seriously or too often. Its beyond depressing to listen and then to hear why he cant get help.
We deserve to be happy. I am all about focusing on the positivity in life. I give my troubled son some time, but I have seriously detached from his problems. He wont change anything and I have other loved ones who are more pleasant and they are my focus. Selfish? I call it smart and healthy but some may call it selfish. If it is, being selfish had given me peace and happiness.
Try it
. Cant hurt.
