bought a safe last night I was too late

[saving grace]

Antsmom, I know you wouldnt allow it. You have earned a strength that I do not have yet. I wish I could be more like you, I have to be honest with myself and at this time I cant put him out. I dont know what will come next but for right now, for today I know he will not survive on the street.

But you my friend, you and Ant give me hope. One day my son will go to work everyday, he will have a place of his own, he will be respectful and he will be remorseful of this time in his life, he will make it right. Maybe one day he will be a dad, a good dad like Ant.

One day.

Happy Birthday Kaleb!!

Grace

 

[KFld]

[ QUOTE ]
One day my son will go to work everyday, he will have a place of his own, he will be respectful and he will be remorseful of this time in his life, he will make it right. Maybe one day he will be a dad, a good dad like Ant.

One day.



[/ QUOTE ]

I know how difficult this is because so many of us have been there done that and you will know when and if the time is right to allow him to find his own way. I just feel that as long as you allow him to steal from you and disrespect you in your home, he will never learn to do the things you listed above, that you want him to be able to do. :tears:

 

[FlowerGarden]

We have a steel C&N Footlocker that we keep liquor & some other items in. We have a key lock on it and husband keeps the key at work. It is a bit of a hassle but at least we know difficult child can't open the lock.

 

[Sunlight]

grace, I know you cannot toss him out. so, what can you do that you are ok with? I hate that you had to buy back your own possessions and he ended up with the pawn money anyway.
other than locking things up and realizing nothing is safe, I hope you confronted him.

please at least tell him any more thefts will be reported right to the cops. otherwise you are enabling him. no consequences for stealing will make him do it again. get a notebook, write down the date and what he stole and what you paid to get it back. show it to him. tell him he owes it to you and make him get work and pay it back if it is even 5 bucks a week.

I feel bad that your life is like that. there was a time I too let ant get away with more than I should have. his dad was on oxycontin and ant stole and sold a months supply. his dad would do nothing about it so I couldnt either.

however when ant stole and sold his dad's wedding ring. I went to the cops. the ring was already cut up by a pawn shop jeweler. the cops made the jeweler purchase a similar one for us. his dad did not want to prosecute but I insisted. I knew next time he would rob someone else. If I had not pushed ant he would still be robbing us and others.

 

[neajle]

Grace, have you gone to talk to a drug counselor? When my son was in rehab we had to attend a parent meeting and they said that you can find drug counselors in the phone book. They are familiar with all of these problems and some times can help you help yourself in letting go. I too have been there done that. Putting things away is no way to live. I finally had to put everything in to safe deposit boxes at the bank. But that was after all of our stuff was stolen and sold or pawned. It is not a nice place to live with a drug addict that will not get help for himself. As long as you
enable him (give him a place to stay, food, clean clothes etc.) he will never change. I want to see you happy again, I want you to be able to lay some change on a counter and not be afraid of it being gone two seconds later. They will find a way to get and take anything, even if it is bolted down. They think that they have the right to do so.

Please try to get some help for yourself so that you can help him, okay.

It is really hard to stop the enabling, not everybody can do it.

God bless

jean

 

[saving grace]

Hi Jean
Nice to hear from you. We are going to an interview for a new program tomorrow, this program is at the Chilgrens Hospital and even though he is 20 they will still allow him in the program and the part I like about it is that it involves the family. We all get to see counselors. I am not sure if it will work, I dont have any high expectations but its something.

Jean, what can I do? he has no car, no friends, no money, the weather is in the teens most days here, he is depressed and miserable, we cant even have a normal conversation with him. we try to approach him about options and deadlines etc.. and it always ends up in a fight, I tried writing a letter, I dont think he even read it. He refuses a live in program, he has been to quite a few and hated them. I just dont know what to do or quite honestly what I can do what I am able to do.

One day at a time

Thanks for being here.

Grace

 

[Sunlight]

grace, you can go to narcanon mtgs to get some ideas too!
check out the post I made on survivor skills for parents. there are ideas on the lower left side of that site.