everywoman
Well-Known Member
That's what I was trying to say Janet. Just stop the dance! If not when things really heat up, you'll be too tired to keep up. Believe me, things can get a whole lot worse before they get any better.
Catching up....
- Thread starter Mikey
- Start date
Mikey
Psycho Gorilla Dad
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: ant'smom</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I am glad you are getting more detached. I am thinking the rules you set are not being followed anyway so why make rules??</div></div>
Honestly, the main reason to still have rules is that I have two other children living in the house who do follow "the rules". Sarge has already expressed some anger over his belief that McWeedy gets off with way too much stuff, while he still plays by the rules. Dancer, while she is starting to push the boundaries a bit (she's a teen, after all), even she doesn't understand the blatant disregard of the house rules by her brother.
I told McWeedy that the rules are for everyone. Heck, even I call and check in with wife when I'm going somewhere out of the ordinary. It's common courtesy (or it should be). What I don't want is to ignore the rules for McWeedy, and set the stage for further conflict and issues with my other kids.
McWeedy can choose to play the game the right way, or he can find another playround to play his own game in.
Not much of an answer, but it's all I can offer.
Mikey
Honestly, the main reason to still have rules is that I have two other children living in the house who do follow "the rules". Sarge has already expressed some anger over his belief that McWeedy gets off with way too much stuff, while he still plays by the rules. Dancer, while she is starting to push the boundaries a bit (she's a teen, after all), even she doesn't understand the blatant disregard of the house rules by her brother.
I told McWeedy that the rules are for everyone. Heck, even I call and check in with wife when I'm going somewhere out of the ordinary. It's common courtesy (or it should be). What I don't want is to ignore the rules for McWeedy, and set the stage for further conflict and issues with my other kids.
McWeedy can choose to play the game the right way, or he can find another playround to play his own game in.
Not much of an answer, but it's all I can offer.
Mikey
LMAO - Shame on you for making that shrink cry! And you wonder where McWeedy gets it?
Even though you say you've given up, we all know better. You can disengage and still have hope. It's ok, they're not mutually exclusive.
Sorry wife hasn't gotten on board yet - your hands really are tied.
Even though you say you've given up, we all know better. You can disengage and still have hope. It's ok, they're not mutually exclusive.
Sorry wife hasn't gotten on board yet - your hands really are tied.
Mikey
Psycho Gorilla Dad
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Even though you say you've given up, we all know better. You can disengage and still have hope. It's ok, they're not mutually exclusive.</div></div>
Okay, you have me there. It's when I let "hope" degrade my defenses that I get hurt. Let's leave it at me trying to maintain sanity and peace within my home, "hoping" for something positive, but finally prepared for the worst.
I had a preacher in my younger days who had a favorite saying about whether or not Christians would be taken up pre- or post-tribulation. He would say "Pray for 'pre', but prepare for 'post'".
The way I see it, I have no more control over my son's fate than I do over when Christians are redeemed. So, with McWeedy, I pray for "recovery" but prepare for "disaster".
That's fairly new for me (since returning from Orlando). It's taken some time to get here, and I'm still nowhere near where I need to be, but at least I'm now further down the path thanks to the kind words and support of the folks here. As time goes on, I'm sure I'll get better at it.
Or maybe not :wink:
Mikey
PS: I didn't make the doctor cry. McWeedy did that all on his lonesome by demonstrating just how badly you can screw up a good life for no good reason at all. I was just there when it happened.
Okay, you have me there. It's when I let "hope" degrade my defenses that I get hurt. Let's leave it at me trying to maintain sanity and peace within my home, "hoping" for something positive, but finally prepared for the worst.
I had a preacher in my younger days who had a favorite saying about whether or not Christians would be taken up pre- or post-tribulation. He would say "Pray for 'pre', but prepare for 'post'".
The way I see it, I have no more control over my son's fate than I do over when Christians are redeemed. So, with McWeedy, I pray for "recovery" but prepare for "disaster".
That's fairly new for me (since returning from Orlando). It's taken some time to get here, and I'm still nowhere near where I need to be, but at least I'm now further down the path thanks to the kind words and support of the folks here. As time goes on, I'm sure I'll get better at it.
Or maybe not :wink:
Mikey
PS: I didn't make the doctor cry. McWeedy did that all on his lonesome by demonstrating just how badly you can screw up a good life for no good reason at all. I was just there when it happened.
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Mikey</div><div class="ubbcode-body">The way I see it, I have no more control over my son's fate than I do over when Christians are redeemed. So, with McWeedy, I pray for "recovery" but prepare for "disaster".</div></div>
Hoping for the best but preparing for the worst is a good plan.
McWeedy's reaction to the possibility of being kick out was interesting. It shows some awareness of his predicament. Did wife notice?
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Mikey</div><div class="ubbcode-body">PS: I didn't make the doctor cry. McWeedy did that all on his lonesome by demonstrating just how badly you can screw up a good life for no good reason at all. I was just there when it happened.</div></div>
He cried after hearing you say that you've given up and have lost your son already. I think he knows that the few who actually do make it, do so only with the support of others. Without that support, he's as good as lost.
Parents have a special role in shaping their kids lives. It doesn't diminish over time. Ask anyone who's had a troubling relationship with their parents. That's what makes it the hardest job you'll ever have.
Hoping for the best but preparing for the worst is a good plan.
McWeedy's reaction to the possibility of being kick out was interesting. It shows some awareness of his predicament. Did wife notice?
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Mikey</div><div class="ubbcode-body">PS: I didn't make the doctor cry. McWeedy did that all on his lonesome by demonstrating just how badly you can screw up a good life for no good reason at all. I was just there when it happened.</div></div>
He cried after hearing you say that you've given up and have lost your son already. I think he knows that the few who actually do make it, do so only with the support of others. Without that support, he's as good as lost.
Parents have a special role in shaping their kids lives. It doesn't diminish over time. Ask anyone who's had a troubling relationship with their parents. That's what makes it the hardest job you'll ever have.
F
flutterbee
Guest
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Mikey</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Okay, you have me there. It's when I let "hope" degrade my defenses that I get hurt. Let's leave it at me trying to maintain sanity and peace within my home, "hoping" for something positive, but finally prepared for the worst.</div></div>
I hear you, Mikey, but it doesn't sound like you have peace in your home. In the meantime, the anger is eating away at you. Your usual sarcastic wit is missing in this post. That's a big sign to me.
I know all about using anger as protection. It's always been my first line of defense and I'm really good at it. It's not very effective either. It doesn't really protect you from hurt, it just masks it. And the anger just gnaws away. I had a heart attack in March at the ripe old age of 33. My cholesterol was barely high and I was a smoker; that's it as far as risk factors go. No family history of heart disease at a young age and barely any family history of heart disease period. You do the math. It's just not worth it.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst. It's a wise move. I hope you can find some peace knowing that you provided the resources for your son, but it was up to him to make use of them.
I hear you, Mikey, but it doesn't sound like you have peace in your home. In the meantime, the anger is eating away at you. Your usual sarcastic wit is missing in this post. That's a big sign to me.
I know all about using anger as protection. It's always been my first line of defense and I'm really good at it. It's not very effective either. It doesn't really protect you from hurt, it just masks it. And the anger just gnaws away. I had a heart attack in March at the ripe old age of 33. My cholesterol was barely high and I was a smoker; that's it as far as risk factors go. No family history of heart disease at a young age and barely any family history of heart disease period. You do the math. It's just not worth it.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst. It's a wise move. I hope you can find some peace knowing that you provided the resources for your son, but it was up to him to make use of them.
SunnyFlorida
Active Member
Mikey, why are you so concerned with "your relationship" with McWeedy? why do you care? Relationship? I don't get it...really.
Relationship is for two people who are adults. McWeedy is not an adult. One does not have a relationship with a teenager. One is a parent the other is a teen. A teens developmental behavior is to challenge authority and try new things. Your teen's growth and development, like most of our difficult child's, is probably behind as that's what drug usage does. You cannot reason with an older teen whose functioning on a younger level.
in my humble opinion, your expectation is unrealistic.
While I'm at it....why do you insist upon getting sucked into conversations that end up frustrating you?
Sarge and Dancer are easy child's. They will do and think like easy child's. They will respect authority, have a need for rules, think intelligently, learn from their mistakes, grow up to be independent, productive, loving family citizens.
It's because you have a difficult child that you are here. difficult child's are not like easy child's. They are wired differently, they learn differently, they react differently. Our parenting style that works so well with easy child's doesn't do a dang thing for difficult child's.
It's the perceived losing of control that in my humble opinion bothers you.
I can understand and relate to wife. There are many, many times I regret that I had my son arrested. I felt I made the best decision at the time...but I wish I had done things differently.
My husband lets me run the show. He sat back and never said a word. He seethed inside, but when he did step it...it didn't do any good anyway. Time is what has done the most. No my husband's name does not end in a vowel, yes he's a type A, he's career military, flew fighter jets, has great eye-hand coordination and thinks extraordinary fast. Oh yeah, he's of Mexican descent as well. He realized I could not adapt to his style so rather than have more disagreement on his hands he let me fight the battle. You know what I found out? I s_uck at it. I cannot say I did any worse or any better. But...I do understand both sides.
I can not and couldnot change either one of my difficult child's. I did change myself. I did learn to enforce DO TO GET. I did learn to say NO. I did learn to not get sucked into a conversation that was going nowhere. I did learn fast escape routes to remove myself from situations that could easily get inflamed.
My advice, get over it...let husband run the ship and let go.
Relationship is for two people who are adults. McWeedy is not an adult. One does not have a relationship with a teenager. One is a parent the other is a teen. A teens developmental behavior is to challenge authority and try new things. Your teen's growth and development, like most of our difficult child's, is probably behind as that's what drug usage does. You cannot reason with an older teen whose functioning on a younger level.
in my humble opinion, your expectation is unrealistic.
While I'm at it....why do you insist upon getting sucked into conversations that end up frustrating you?
Sarge and Dancer are easy child's. They will do and think like easy child's. They will respect authority, have a need for rules, think intelligently, learn from their mistakes, grow up to be independent, productive, loving family citizens.
It's because you have a difficult child that you are here. difficult child's are not like easy child's. They are wired differently, they learn differently, they react differently. Our parenting style that works so well with easy child's doesn't do a dang thing for difficult child's.
It's the perceived losing of control that in my humble opinion bothers you.
I can understand and relate to wife. There are many, many times I regret that I had my son arrested. I felt I made the best decision at the time...but I wish I had done things differently.
My husband lets me run the show. He sat back and never said a word. He seethed inside, but when he did step it...it didn't do any good anyway. Time is what has done the most. No my husband's name does not end in a vowel, yes he's a type A, he's career military, flew fighter jets, has great eye-hand coordination and thinks extraordinary fast. Oh yeah, he's of Mexican descent as well. He realized I could not adapt to his style so rather than have more disagreement on his hands he let me fight the battle. You know what I found out? I s_uck at it. I cannot say I did any worse or any better. But...I do understand both sides.
I can not and couldnot change either one of my difficult child's. I did change myself. I did learn to enforce DO TO GET. I did learn to say NO. I did learn to not get sucked into a conversation that was going nowhere. I did learn fast escape routes to remove myself from situations that could easily get inflamed.
My advice, get over it...let husband run the ship and let go.
KFld
New Member
I was your wife at one time (not literally, but you know what I mean :smile: )
and my husband pretty much gave up trying and turned things over to me because he gave up trying to get me to see things his way. What that did cause was me eventually being able to reach the breaking point and I was the one that threw difficult child out.
Maybe the answer is backing off and letting wife take over.
and my husband pretty much gave up trying and turned things over to me because he gave up trying to get me to see things his way. What that did cause was me eventually being able to reach the breaking point and I was the one that threw difficult child out.
Maybe the answer is backing off and letting wife take over.
Hi Mikey,
I'm thinking along the lines of either let wife handle everything and not come to her rescue or not bother with the rules. My difficult child 1 blatantly disobeyed the rules, just did whatever she wanted--we had her put on a PINS (person in need of supervision) through Family Court and just let the natural consequences take effect. She didn't come home by curfew then we reported her missing. We told her things would eventually catch up with her and they did--she was sent to rehab by the court. This was when she was 17 1/2. The thing is, we let go and went on with our own lives.
Our younger dtr does not model her own behavior after her sister's. She was appalled by her sister's behavior. She has rules and she basically follows them--she gets that her sister totally rebelled, that she went way overboard. She does not feel that because we had to throw away the rule book for her sister that we have to throw it away for her. She may not particularly like some of the rules but she gets it.
Take care, this is so hard...
Jane
I'm thinking along the lines of either let wife handle everything and not come to her rescue or not bother with the rules. My difficult child 1 blatantly disobeyed the rules, just did whatever she wanted--we had her put on a PINS (person in need of supervision) through Family Court and just let the natural consequences take effect. She didn't come home by curfew then we reported her missing. We told her things would eventually catch up with her and they did--she was sent to rehab by the court. This was when she was 17 1/2. The thing is, we let go and went on with our own lives.
Our younger dtr does not model her own behavior after her sister's. She was appalled by her sister's behavior. She has rules and she basically follows them--she gets that her sister totally rebelled, that she went way overboard. She does not feel that because we had to throw away the rule book for her sister that we have to throw it away for her. She may not particularly like some of the rules but she gets it.
Take care, this is so hard...
Jane
Mikey
Psycho Gorilla Dad
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">He cried after hearing you say that you've given up and have lost your son already. I think he knows that the few who actually do make it, do so only with the support of others. Without that support, he's as good as lost.</div></div>
I never saw it that way, but you may be right.
Thanks for the different perspective - something to think about....
Mikey
I never saw it that way, but you may be right.
Thanks for the different perspective - something to think about....
Mikey
