Guest
thank you fran. i can be very patient when waiting on something that i know will be beneficial. i really, really appreciate it.
stephanie
stephanie
EastCoastChris
New Member
I have a fantasy!!! Of a school that is not really just a school. It approaches unique children uniquely. It addresses their life skills,social skills,academic needs and emotional growth needs, all day, every day. It provides a secure group with emphasis on mastery and not on getting through the curriculum. Encourages outside the box thinking and working with kids find out if their ideas are practical,workable or not functional. It would provide after school activities that were a combination of community activities with neuro typical kids, mastering a particular sport(one sport for several months), chores like grass cutting or gardening. It would have monthly school dances and outing with mixed groups. Weekend respite or emotional growth retreat type weekends for our kids. (I believe this is important)
The curriculum would be individual as you would for a home schooled child. There would be credit given for helping some other student or even for recognizing if someone else was having a bad day. Socially appropriate empathy.
This school would go off on a tangent of interest of one of it's students. Learning would take place, practice of what they learn important. This is my fantasy. That the professional should want to learn how to do it if they don't know how.
That the kids who are ostracized for being weird and differant would have an environment where their self esteem and mentality is nurtured and accepted. Wehre their behavior is accepted or modified in a dignified method.
You know anyone who would want to join me in the fantasy??? Parents can't do this alone but we can be a catalyst for change. I have been pursuing this fantasy for a long time. I don't even know if it would have made a change in my son but it is 100% better than what is offered.
Additional- There needs to be a standard of care for kids via the medical/psychiatric community. If your child had leukemia or diabetes- that child would pretty much receive the same treatment plan throughout the U.S.. It is a standard of care. Where is the standard for behavior or psychiatric issues? Every dr. does his own thing and believes his own thing-thus treats on his own belief system.
this is me
Forgive the editing errors. I was in a full passionate soapbox mode when I wrote that almost 18mo.ago.
Now moving on to today. My difficult child is 18. His hormones are not so volatile,he is more mature than I could have ever hoped 2 to 3 yrs ago.
I see that he needs to do a term paper every semester. I saw that assignment and thought "they have no clue". How can anyone expect some one to organize their thoughts to form a paragraph if he still needs a check list to do AM care before school?
See I would take my difficult child back to the level where he is. I would work on organization for basics over and over until he masters them. He then builds on that success and gradually move up to writing a paragraph and then a page. I would insist that they allow difficult child to shine where his strengths are. This year he is in resource English(only because it is less intense)He reads to the class. They think he is bright and knows tons because he is well read and he is bright. He is the big fish in a little pond.
I guess I think of learning as building blocks. My son can not go through the subject matter that is difficult for him at the speed that is required in elementary school. His penmanship is on a 1st grade level despite Occupational Therapist (OT) and tutoring for years. I still think if all school stopped for my son in 3rd grade until he mastered basic writing, all of his focus would have been there. I would use immersion into a subject matter. That is how my son learns.
If I could,I would look high and low for my Anne sullivan and allow them to find the key that unlocks our difficult child's learning ability. Just haven't met anyone who has the the intellectual curiosity to want to figure out why he learns differently and how to teach to this. My difficult child has a high average IQ but his disabilities have not improved for a long time. (this was 3yrs ago)
Now learning is something that can't happen if behavior is out of control. These two things have to be intertwined.
More than anything I would not force my difficult child to do the work that was SO hard for him to do. It took all of his ability to just get through the day without running,screaming down the hall. When he got home he just couldn't do it.
I would stop all homework for a while. I would just read to my difficult child or have him read to me.
I would be my childs trusted advocate. He didn't fail because he liked it. He failed because he couldn't understand what we wanted or why we wanted it.
When I sent my son to emotional growth boarding school, he spiraled down worse than at home. We discussed this with the school. He was pulled out of class for 3mo. He had one on one staff(same one m thru f)who worked on talking, calming,eventually school work,lots of outside walking and thinking and reflecting. Lots of talk about personal responsibility. It was just the release from the pressure and stress that he needed to regroup and move forward.
I would take the time to let difficult child pull out of school for a while if I thought his mental stability was at risk.
My difficult child will graduate from an IEP. Means he can go to community college before he can go to 4yr college.I don't mind. He is happy and if he is inclined he can go to college when he is 30 for all I care.
Mostly I realized that much of the rage was anxiety based. I do everything possible to alleviate his anxiety. He trusts me and counts on me to help interpret some of the outside signals.
I have some other thoughts about having a pal but that can be for another day. Whew didn't mean to be so long winded. Hope I didn't put you to sleep. :wink:
The curriculum would be individual as you would for a home schooled child. There would be credit given for helping some other student or even for recognizing if someone else was having a bad day. Socially appropriate empathy.
This school would go off on a tangent of interest of one of it's students. Learning would take place, practice of what they learn important. This is my fantasy. That the professional should want to learn how to do it if they don't know how.
That the kids who are ostracized for being weird and differant would have an environment where their self esteem and mentality is nurtured and accepted. Wehre their behavior is accepted or modified in a dignified method.
You know anyone who would want to join me in the fantasy??? Parents can't do this alone but we can be a catalyst for change. I have been pursuing this fantasy for a long time. I don't even know if it would have made a change in my son but it is 100% better than what is offered.
Additional- There needs to be a standard of care for kids via the medical/psychiatric community. If your child had leukemia or diabetes- that child would pretty much receive the same treatment plan throughout the U.S.. It is a standard of care. Where is the standard for behavior or psychiatric issues? Every dr. does his own thing and believes his own thing-thus treats on his own belief system.
this is me
Forgive the editing errors. I was in a full passionate soapbox mode when I wrote that almost 18mo.ago.
Now moving on to today. My difficult child is 18. His hormones are not so volatile,he is more mature than I could have ever hoped 2 to 3 yrs ago.
I see that he needs to do a term paper every semester. I saw that assignment and thought "they have no clue". How can anyone expect some one to organize their thoughts to form a paragraph if he still needs a check list to do AM care before school?
See I would take my difficult child back to the level where he is. I would work on organization for basics over and over until he masters them. He then builds on that success and gradually move up to writing a paragraph and then a page. I would insist that they allow difficult child to shine where his strengths are. This year he is in resource English(only because it is less intense)He reads to the class. They think he is bright and knows tons because he is well read and he is bright. He is the big fish in a little pond.
I guess I think of learning as building blocks. My son can not go through the subject matter that is difficult for him at the speed that is required in elementary school. His penmanship is on a 1st grade level despite Occupational Therapist (OT) and tutoring for years. I still think if all school stopped for my son in 3rd grade until he mastered basic writing, all of his focus would have been there. I would use immersion into a subject matter. That is how my son learns.
If I could,I would look high and low for my Anne sullivan and allow them to find the key that unlocks our difficult child's learning ability. Just haven't met anyone who has the the intellectual curiosity to want to figure out why he learns differently and how to teach to this. My difficult child has a high average IQ but his disabilities have not improved for a long time. (this was 3yrs ago)
Now learning is something that can't happen if behavior is out of control. These two things have to be intertwined.
More than anything I would not force my difficult child to do the work that was SO hard for him to do. It took all of his ability to just get through the day without running,screaming down the hall. When he got home he just couldn't do it.
I would stop all homework for a while. I would just read to my difficult child or have him read to me.
I would be my childs trusted advocate. He didn't fail because he liked it. He failed because he couldn't understand what we wanted or why we wanted it.
When I sent my son to emotional growth boarding school, he spiraled down worse than at home. We discussed this with the school. He was pulled out of class for 3mo. He had one on one staff(same one m thru f)who worked on talking, calming,eventually school work,lots of outside walking and thinking and reflecting. Lots of talk about personal responsibility. It was just the release from the pressure and stress that he needed to regroup and move forward.
I would take the time to let difficult child pull out of school for a while if I thought his mental stability was at risk.
My difficult child will graduate from an IEP. Means he can go to community college before he can go to 4yr college.I don't mind. He is happy and if he is inclined he can go to college when he is 30 for all I care.
Mostly I realized that much of the rage was anxiety based. I do everything possible to alleviate his anxiety. He trusts me and counts on me to help interpret some of the outside signals.
I have some other thoughts about having a pal but that can be for another day. Whew didn't mean to be so long winded. Hope I didn't put you to sleep. :wink:
EastCoastChris
New Member
If you have some specific questions, you can e-mail me. I'm sorry to say I don't remember your story or what sort of behaviors you are dealing with. You have my sympathies. I was in a very sad place for a long time. I keep that despair locked up for the most part but once in a while at 3AM 
I can open the door and share some of the pain that was in that response above.
I like Robin Williams as the host. He is a kind man and is really irreverant. :laugh:
I can open the door and share some of the pain that was in that response above. I like Robin Williams as the host. He is a kind man and is really irreverant. :laugh:
Guest
Dear Fran,
Wish I could have sent my kids to your fantasy school. What a wonderful place to go to if only in our minds.
You have certainly spent a great deal of time analyzing the situation. Thanks for the glimmer of hope.
Maybe someday it will be closer to a reality.
LMS
Wish I could have sent my kids to your fantasy school. What a wonderful place to go to if only in our minds.
You have certainly spent a great deal of time analyzing the situation. Thanks for the glimmer of hope.
Maybe someday it will be closer to a reality.
LMS
Faithful-Heart
New Member
I think I heard Robin Willams is bipolar...he uses his manic ups to do what he does...I think he is great too. Yea...dress up a difficult child? That in itself would cause major meltdowns long before they got on the show for fund raising...lol. Nate went to school wearing a spiderman shirt with light blue, red and white and army/pea green shorts...ahhhh. he needs a class in color cordniation. I keep my mouth shut.
I am ready to enroll Nate in the fanasty school too Fran! lol.
I did want to tell you Fran after I graduated from high school I was what was called functionally illerate. I could not read the newspaper, fill out a job application, read a cookie receipt and have it come out right. I had to consiously 'think' which way was left or right when someone told me to turn that way...I would think...ok which arm is my watch on and know that was left. I have just learned in the last few years which way is east and west in MY town only..I still am not sure about which way is north or south though. :frown:
It took me ten years to beable to balance my own checkbook without help from my mom. I do not have credit cards and probably never will....I don't 'get it'. My spelling I continue working on....my math...well...I can do very basic adding and substating low numbers in my head..anyway that adds up over 20 I can't do without a calcuator.
For many many years when someone would spell a word to me they had to say one or two letters at a time and I had to 'visualize' what that letter looked like in my mind...I would literally 'see' in my mind's eye..a black space then the letter come into view...THEN I would have to write it down. Didn't always write the right letter down though. Someone could say B and for whatever reason I would write S or something like that. Then look at it and then after a second or two realize it was the wrong letter. Talk about feeling stupid!!!
After I graduated from high school I went to the library and checked out books on reading disoders. I cried because the books were next to books about retardation and brain damage. :frown: Took me a long time to get over that too. Anyway try reading a book on reading problems when you have one! lol.
My mom helped me read it and understand what it said. As I read about the reading problems I figured out alot of what they were talking about I did..I used there 'tips'...like getting a thin piece of card board and cutting it out where I could only see one sentence at a time. Kept my eyes from 'picking up words' at the bottom on the page and inserting them in the sentence I was reading...among other things.
Once I figured out what my mind was doing wrong I was able to help myself and gradually really learned how to read. Now I can read and understand most things.
On my math though, my anxiety level is so high that I have no desire to improve it. As long as I can do my daily living stuff that is fine with me. On harder stuff, like income tax or whatever I take the papers to my mom. I am 41 and I still need my mom's help with some things.
Now to take what I know and teach someone esle this? I don't know if I could or not. Might be finding out that with Nate.
I am ready to enroll Nate in the fanasty school too Fran! lol.
I did want to tell you Fran after I graduated from high school I was what was called functionally illerate. I could not read the newspaper, fill out a job application, read a cookie receipt and have it come out right. I had to consiously 'think' which way was left or right when someone told me to turn that way...I would think...ok which arm is my watch on and know that was left. I have just learned in the last few years which way is east and west in MY town only..I still am not sure about which way is north or south though. :frown:
It took me ten years to beable to balance my own checkbook without help from my mom. I do not have credit cards and probably never will....I don't 'get it'. My spelling I continue working on....my math...well...I can do very basic adding and substating low numbers in my head..anyway that adds up over 20 I can't do without a calcuator.
For many many years when someone would spell a word to me they had to say one or two letters at a time and I had to 'visualize' what that letter looked like in my mind...I would literally 'see' in my mind's eye..a black space then the letter come into view...THEN I would have to write it down. Didn't always write the right letter down though. Someone could say B and for whatever reason I would write S or something like that. Then look at it and then after a second or two realize it was the wrong letter. Talk about feeling stupid!!!
After I graduated from high school I went to the library and checked out books on reading disoders. I cried because the books were next to books about retardation and brain damage. :frown: Took me a long time to get over that too. Anyway try reading a book on reading problems when you have one! lol.
My mom helped me read it and understand what it said. As I read about the reading problems I figured out alot of what they were talking about I did..I used there 'tips'...like getting a thin piece of card board and cutting it out where I could only see one sentence at a time. Kept my eyes from 'picking up words' at the bottom on the page and inserting them in the sentence I was reading...among other things.
Once I figured out what my mind was doing wrong I was able to help myself and gradually really learned how to read. Now I can read and understand most things.
On my math though, my anxiety level is so high that I have no desire to improve it. As long as I can do my daily living stuff that is fine with me. On harder stuff, like income tax or whatever I take the papers to my mom. I am 41 and I still need my mom's help with some things.
Now to take what I know and teach someone esle this? I don't know if I could or not. Might be finding out that with Nate.
EastCoastChris
New Member
Julie, when I read these life stories about you, I am so hopeful. You aren't stupid that is for sure. You have more persistance and problem solving skills than most people.
Intelligence isn't being able to spell or do math but to be able to learn. You obviously know how to learn. Intelligence is knowing how to problems solve. You do that very well.
It must have been so difficult to try and decipher the world around you. I think you have a pretty terrific mom,because you turned out terrific.
I remember being devastated to realize that when difficult child was diagnosed with ADHD at 5 that it was classified as a psychiatric disorder. It seemed so scary. It was a world that I only had small experiences with and I didn't like it. If all you ever see is the TV depiction of mental illness at it's worst, you don't have a very balanced view of it. Most of our children are not paranoid schizophrenic,off medications and out of control.(that is what is seen on TV or the news) The vast majority are good, tax paying, decent folks with varying levels of functioning.
So I can relate to your sadness over books about being Learning Disability (LD) being in a section that made you uncomfortable.
We all get smarter and better as we get older.
Julie, you are truly a shining light of a warrior mom. I find you to be amazing.
Intelligence isn't being able to spell or do math but to be able to learn. You obviously know how to learn. Intelligence is knowing how to problems solve. You do that very well.
It must have been so difficult to try and decipher the world around you. I think you have a pretty terrific mom,because you turned out terrific.
I remember being devastated to realize that when difficult child was diagnosed with ADHD at 5 that it was classified as a psychiatric disorder. It seemed so scary. It was a world that I only had small experiences with and I didn't like it. If all you ever see is the TV depiction of mental illness at it's worst, you don't have a very balanced view of it. Most of our children are not paranoid schizophrenic,off medications and out of control.(that is what is seen on TV or the news) The vast majority are good, tax paying, decent folks with varying levels of functioning.
So I can relate to your sadness over books about being Learning Disability (LD) being in a section that made you uncomfortable.
We all get smarter and better as we get older.
Julie, you are truly a shining light of a warrior mom. I find you to be amazing.
Guest
I would like my difficult child to go to Fran's Fantasy School too! /importthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif
I agree wholeheartedly that mastery of a subject or skill is needed before my child can move on. His focus is all over the map most of the time so it's even more important that he only has to focus on one thing at a time.
I'm inspired and encouraged by each of you guys every day. Each of us are mortal and we're trying to do a "superhero" job every day with very little re-charge time in between. As I told Fran - this board has been a real blessing and ministry to me.
Stephanie
I agree wholeheartedly that mastery of a subject or skill is needed before my child can move on. His focus is all over the map most of the time so it's even more important that he only has to focus on one thing at a time.
I'm inspired and encouraged by each of you guys every day. Each of us are mortal and we're trying to do a "superhero" job every day with very little re-charge time in between. As I told Fran - this board has been a real blessing and ministry to me.
Stephanie
Guest
Has anyone ever home-schooled their child? Iâve thought about this for years but donât have the privilege to do it as I HAD TO go back to work after being home with our 4 gfgâs for 14 years. Iâve got friends who have home-schooled and their children are geniuses. I realize that not many folks can afford to stay home and home-school but I was just curious after reading all the posts on this subject whether anyone had tried that. I think if I had that much trouble with my children in school â and believe me, we have more than our fair share but not yet something we cannot deal with â I would more seriously consider this to save my childâs self-esteem. In fact, I often think I should have done this with our oldest who was chronically underachieving for years and years and all we could manage to do was punish him for bad grades!! :frown: We just didnât understand that he COULDNâT remember things. Anyway, my friendâs 2 boys were such majorly defiant kids in middle school that she pulled them both out and they are now 18 and 17 and very involved in church and other activities. They both seem extremely well-adjusted and mature and are doing college work. However they did miss out on the âfun thingsâ in school, i.e. social activities, band, extracurricular things that we all remember from our school days. Just wondering if anyone here tried home-schooling.
Faithful-Heart
New Member
Fran, (blushing) why thank you. While I do still have problems with my Learning Disability (LD), still am very ADD, that is why my house is always a wreck, and still need help from my mom...I am very thankful that on a day to day basis I can function and can raise a child. Though if I had more then one child who knows if I could handle that! lol. Its been a lifelong struggle, something I still continue working on. I still try to improve in my weak areas and image I always will. Too many Learning Disability (LD) kids are so beaten down in schools and by socitiy that after a awhile they just give up. Like the saying goes, a mind is a terrible thing to waste.
On the homeschooling question...yes we have several homeschoolers on here and I was about ready to do that with Nate, but have major concerns about me trying to homeschool, I found this Charter school that has extremely small class rooms, do not do time out, ect and do not get after kids for not doing their work. See my post about our day at the Charter school. I am starting Nate there on Monday. /importthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif
On the homeschooling question...yes we have several homeschoolers on here and I was about ready to do that with Nate, but have major concerns about me trying to homeschool, I found this Charter school that has extremely small class rooms, do not do time out, ect and do not get after kids for not doing their work. See my post about our day at the Charter school. I am starting Nate there on Monday. /importthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif
EastCoastChris
New Member
On homeschooling- I have yet to find anyone or anybody who can teach to my difficult child's learning disability. I sure can't! For one thing his oppositional behavior was a huge stumbling block. He absolutely would not do any work at all. He fought me tooth and nail. I tried for 4days. He looked so sad. He knew he failed and couldn't be with the other kids.
I want to mention again-that I am not interested in trying to have a genius. I want a happy,well rounded,responsible,tax paying adult.
There are kids who are so miserable in their school situation that they thrive on homeschooling. Mine was miserable and oppositional regardless of where he was forced to complete assignments. He wanted no demands.
Now he is less oppositional but I still have no idea how to teach him. If the experts can't address his disability, I sure can't.
I want to mention again-that I am not interested in trying to have a genius. I want a happy,well rounded,responsible,tax paying adult.
There are kids who are so miserable in their school situation that they thrive on homeschooling. Mine was miserable and oppositional regardless of where he was forced to complete assignments. He wanted no demands.
Now he is less oppositional but I still have no idea how to teach him. If the experts can't address his disability, I sure can't.
Guest
I would would love to home school and have considered it in the past. Unfortunately, I am still working on my parenting skills. I try to stop my self from showing anger an disappointment when things go typically ADD. I once found my self saying in despiration "richie, Richie, Richie, clean, clean, clean, your, your, your, room, room, room" Because I felt like he didn't listen until at least the third time I said anything. You other moms seem so much more evolved than I am. I am now trying to self senser and relize it is not willful behavior. How have you comes to terms(balance) with what needs to be done (bushing teeth) with what they remember to do? I don't want my fustrations to effect a really great kid.
Guest
In addition to my other questions, how do you decifer(SP?) normal teenage defiance and rebelion, which need diciplin from actions resulting from ADD? Thanks, if these anweres exist, i know someone here will have a way of finding them.
