Thank you Lulu. You just wrote out what my husband said the other day. You are very wise. I know the words you said is absolute truth and it makes the most sense of everything that I am trying to do. I know I can't fix or even help my daughter. I know that all the money and years I have spent taking her to different doctors. and trying to fix it does not help, nothing can help until she wants the help and unless it comes from within her. Sometimes I just need to put words to how deeply sad and how deeply hurt I feel with her behavior.
I have a very hard time with superficial relationships, I just can't hardly do them especially when not in an office setting.
I understand what you mean by acceptance..
The problem is me. I desperately want to have a healthy give and take with my daughter, she can give be bits and pieces of that and when I want to keep it going and at a good pace she tears it down and destroys it. I believe on top of everything else she is sadistic.
I know many of us on this site are at different levels with how awful their child's behavior is. When I say awful, I am talking on demonic levels.
Years ago I put my daughter in a mental hospital, she checked herself out the next day. She told me off about it for years calling me all kinds of names. Recently she had posted how awful it is when someone is mentally ill and the family will not do anything to help them. It is truly a lose, lose situation.
I agree Lulu, about not having to live by her rules. My husband is good about keeping the pace and not letting her get to him.
I agree about talking to her and cutting her off when things get heated. The conversation gets heated quickly with her over nothing.
When things get very ugly I will text with her but do not want to talk with her because of her nonstop verbal abuse.
My daughter is exhausting and trying to figure her out is like trying to put pieces of a puzzle together with missing pieces.
I guess the problem again is with me and my expectations. I thought as she gets older, now getting close to 40 that she would mature and some how balance out. The frustration and pain I feel is from my expectations and now from the reality. The reality is she is who she is.
Lulu, I very much appreciate your insights and guidance. I know what you are saying. The problem really is with me, I just want a healthy relationship with someone that is not healthy and I want it so much that it makes me sick. I know how quickly life goes and being a bereaved mother makes me realize this even deeper. I am grateful to have a wonderful intelligent husband that stands strongly by myside and understand our situation. If he never sees our daughter again he would be ok with it. He can deal with it better than I can. We both stay very busy but my heart and mind are with my daughter no matter how hard I try to do other things. I wish it was not so.... Her scattered mixed up drama filled life frightens me and I know there is nothing I can do about it.. I do give it to God..
My daughter's life may feel right to her. Her confusion and turmoil is what is comfortable to her and it maybe feeding her. She may even enjoy living in such a mess, but if that was the case why is she so unhappy? I think some people actually enjoy their unhappiness.
